Guess What!

Hi there, and happy review day! First off, I enjoyed this poem. It was dark and realistic. The rhyming did get to be a bit much at times, however. None of your rhymes were forced though which is hard to do. A couple little things:

"I made it so what if I was with-drawn," This should be: I made it, so what if I was withdrawn,"

This line: "I mean what the hell come-on!?" I believe there should be a comma in there somewhere and I'm not sure about the double punctuation at the end, though if seems to fit with the style of this poem. Also come on shouldn't be hyphenated.

You did seem to use a lot of hyphens in this poem where they didn't need to be. Such as:
"Piling up they just run-on" and the two I mentioned before the other hyphen, I think, is okay.

As a whole, I enjoyed this work. It was definitely realistic, nice work.

-Ruby-

Hello! Cailey here with a review day review.

I have to say the reference of drugs and I think you mentioned humor drew me to the poem. And I didn't read the rating and was slightly caught off guard, but then I realized there was that warning. Haja, besides, this is one poem where I feel like the language did add something and made the emotion seem stronger and more raw. Which sounds kind of weird but I promise I mean it as a compliment!

So yes, as I already kind of said, I liked the emotion in this piece. I think you did a great job at telling the speaker's story and getting your point across in this poem.

However I have to agree with sophiewrites that the rhyming seems a little forced. I like poems that rhyme and I don't want to discourage the rhyming at all, but maybe if you could separate out the rhymes a little bit? It was neat that you managed to get the 'on' sound through the whole poem, but it was a little bit too much, I thought.

I liked though how you broke the rhyme with the "guess what" before adding your last line, which was a good ending. Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any questions or comments. Happy Review Day!

Hello I thought I'd give you a review!

I really like the way the poem flowed and the topic is also interesting and not overused which is rare to find! However I feel like the rhyming was kind of forced, maybe you could go for a less strict one only making every other line rhyme? But on the other hand it made the poem flow the way it does, tough decision, whatever floats your boat really!
My favorite part was by far
,,So many things that I want to try-on,

I'm so sick of getting conned,

Fuck all those stories that start once upon!''
I recently wrote something similar about fairytales so I could really connect to these lines!

I didn't find this disturbing or dark, rather sarcastic and kind of...sassy!

All in all I really enjoyed it, keep up the good and fun work!

sophiewrites

I think this work is really dark. You reference Satan and hell and stuff and that's quite disturbing.

You write well and this is interesting to read.
I think your use of punctuation and grammar is good for pauses in the reading, it's easy to follow.

I must admit, this isn't all that amusing in the sense of being light, but for the heavy kind of... death factor. You get full marks.

Cool.