“End of the Order?”
Everyone in Frost Lark believed the Order of the Library had as good as defeated the Bivoclar Lizards. They defeated the main forces and were hunting down the remaining humanoid lizards. However, somehow the tides have turned. The Bivoclar Lizards purposely hid to trick others into believing few were left, but hundreds of troops remained. The Order of the Library was caught off guard, and they have been defeated. In an ironic full-circle twist, they've gone into hiding. Now no one stands between the Bivoclar Lizards and complete control of Frost Lark's political body.
“Pens are Causing Autism?”
Did you know that pens are dangerous for young children? If the child is exposed to the ink for too long, they can develop major conditions such as autism. The heroic group of college drop-outs pretending to be scientists that conducted the study proving this have now attributed the use of pencils rather than pens in kindergarten to the government knowing these potential effects. “The government chose to keep this info hidden from us because they didn't want to scare us,” claims Tod, the head of this research team. Tod is 24, unemployed, and has an excess of facial hair. After making this statement, he pulled out an e-cig, lit it, and left the interviewer. As Frost Lark citizens, we should be thankful for such young scientific connoisseurs! I am glad they have brought light upon this horrible secret!
The sentient frogs which make up our Board of Education have updated colors to have what they claim are more appropriate names. The following have been changed. Yellow is now Blinding Sunlight. Orange is now Burnt Pasta. Red is now Blood. Blue is now It's a Boy!. Green is now Chlorophyll. Pink is now Stereotypical Girl Color. Purple is now Guys Can Like it Too, Okay?. Black is now V O I D. White is now irrelevant and should never be used again. Any citizens who refer to the concept of white will “disappear.”
Hey, what color is this paper?
Darn, I wanted to try getting you to “disappear.” Just to see what happens.
I look up at the night sky. It feels empty, as dark as the bathroom at night before I turn on the lights. I see only the distant pinpricks of light made thousands of years ago. I look down at the ground and see the faint shadow of myself formed by the dim light of the moon. This is what space is.
-NASA. “We like space. A lot.”
What's your favorite color?
a) Burnt Ramen
c) It's a Boy!
d) Stereotypical Girl Color
e) Not white! (oh wait)
Frost Lark Health Tips
According to studies, the sun actually makes you lose weight. Supposedly, ten minutes a day in the sun will shave off a quarter of a pound. Who knew?
“End of the Order?” (continued)
After violently defeating the Order of the Library, the Bivoclar Lizards have decided to take over our government. However, using legalities and other twists, Mayor Clayton has prevented them from hurting him. Basically, harming the mayor prevents you from running for Mayor, and the Bivoclar Lizards were afraid of losing this privilege, so instead of killing him, they began a series of legal battles. Luckily, Co-Mayor Reeds went to law school and is serving as his lawyer. We shall see what happens.