Frost Lark News 6/4/17

Frost Lark News 6/4/17

By Skyla Holt

“Mayor Dead”

A 1:13 P.M. on Wednesday, May 31st, Mayor Orlando Clayton was reported dead. He was killed by a confused Bivoclar Lizard semi-blinded from overexposure to sunlight, because Bivoclar Lizards are nocturnal. As a result of this murder, the Bivoclar Lizards are no longer eligible for mayorship, and the town's Unknown Service of Defenses crawled on all 24 legs of their combined body, right out of the stone prison they reside in. With a single breath that reverberated immensely, the Bivoclar Lizards fell dead. Then, the Unknown Service of Defenses returned to their sealed chamber, letting most of the town forget about them, regaining their status of “unknown”.

“Birds”

In this time of great tragedy, we would like to remind children of the danger of birds. Birds are small, flying sacks of meat that have pointed faces, and if you so much as look at them the wrong way, their actions may be unpredictable. Most birds have propellers on the sides of their feathery bodies, and should one assault you, those propellers should be your targets. A bird without propellers is basically just a chipmunk, and we all know the trick to killing chipmunks. If you aren't aware of this trick, say nothing. Or else they will find you.

“Legos”

Legos have been declared illegal as of this past Monday. We all remember the mind-numbing hours of fun these blocks provided. Think, do you really remember playing with these things? No, you have no memory. This is because a special material in the plastic has been attributed to memory loss when ingested through the nose, and even Lego wasn't aware. Head of Productions Ann Hart said “We never meant to forever strip children of their childhood memories. It was just an accident, okay? Why don't we forget about it? Move on. Smell this lego.” No further questions were asked. You know, I don't even remember the topic of this article. Well then, nevermind.

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“Mayor Dead” (continued)

Co-Mayor Reeds has temporarily taken position as Mayor, but with the Bivoclar Lizards gone, the council has begun working out how replacement roles should be assigned, and if a democracy should even still be used. Some believe a monarchy would work better, and it is seriously being considered. I'm sure once they realize that would make them irrelevant, they will change their opinion. In the meantime, Erick Harvey is being evaluated as a possible replacement for co-Mayor, since he has experience. However, since his mother is still very ill, this does not seem likely. Sadly, I am unable to get more information, because I am being locked out of the council meetings, despite my role in council. I shall update next week.