Katherine's Phone
------2/12/2017------
Skyla
Hows the concussion
you havent written any news articles,
right?
Doctor specifically said no writing for a few weeks
Skyla u there?
Hello?
(4:31)
No, havent written a thing
(4:32)
I told you that Flightless Bird Riding Race was a bad idea
now you cant write a thing
(4:32)
I know i cant write, and im barely managing
(4:32)
hey, wanna come over for dinner? I made steak
Orlando and Erick'll be there too
...
Skyla?
(4:32)
Srry my phone is getting weird reception
not sure why, its never been an issue at home before
(4:34)
weird... so, dinner?
(4:34)
Sure, ill be over in a few
OMG why is it doing this
it keeps freezing
(4:37)
Skyla look outside your window
(4:37)
didnt realize we were supposed to have a storm
(4:38)
we werent
Skyla the ocean
theres a ship out there
looks familiar
(4:38)
oh no
we have a serious problem
(4:39)
what? What is it?!
(4:39)
Go with Orlando and Erick to the town council meeting room
we have something serious to discuss
(4:42)
what are you talking about?!
(4:43)
The Travellers are back.
(4:44)
Type a message...
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,023 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
This is my first review, so I'm sorry if it isn't helpful.
Firstly I'd like to ask if you're planning to make this into a full book. This looks promising if you are. But if so, I think it's hard to do that with only texting. You may want to transition to something else for later chapters, but I would just add descriptions in between the texts (Skyla, look out your window. Outside, rain lashed the window beating a hectic staccato on the pane. Even at this time, it was almost too dark to see the neighbor's yard and everything was hazy through the downpour.)
This is all under the assumption that you plan on continuing the story. If you don't plan on continuing it, I suggest you continue it anyway.
For future chapters if/when they are made, I will want to know more information about the Travelers and their ship and how Skyla is connected to them. However, you should withhold this information for as long as possible.
Again, I how this is helpful!
Feltrix
Hey! Welcome to the site! I'm glad you enjoyed, and thanks for the review! I assume you didn't see this is actually the fourteenth chapter to my novel (the chapter links are on the top right of the screen). I used texting for this chapter, but I actually have all sorts of media used. Mostly news papers, (hence the series title "Frost Lark News," and I've also used diaries. My suggestion of you intend to keep reading is to go back and read from the start. Seems like a lot, but as you can see from this they're short reads.
By the way, I can put you on a list to alert you every time I post a chapter, if you want. I post every Sunday.
Once again, thanks for the review, and I hope you enjoy the site!
Hey! Welcome to the site! I'm glad you enjoyed, and thanks for the review! I assume you didn't see this is actually the fourteenth chapter to my novel (the chapter links are on the top right of the screen). I used texting for this chapter, but I actually have all sorts of media used. Mostly news papers, (hence the series title "Frost Lark News," and I've also used diaries. My suggestion of you intend to keep reading is to go back and read from the start. Seems like a lot, but as you can see from this they're short reads.
By the way, I can put you on a list to alert you every time I post a chapter, if you want. I post every Sunday.
Once again, thanks for the review, and I hope you enjoy the site!
That explains a lot. Carry on.
That explains a lot. Carry on.
That explains a lot. Carry on.
And I'm up to date on everything that's happening in this mad, isolated town.
Feels like home.
Hey, I'm here to review.
Apologize if it's too short!
The chapter seems like a setup one for me. This is due to it building the tension, with the revelation that the Travellers are back, without really moving the plot. I would say it's also a transitioning chapter with the purpose of making Skyla being the observer who sees the incoming of the Travellers. This chapter can be done with a paragraph that contains the information about them coming, without the unnecessary detail such as Skyla's concussion.
It doesn't mean the chapter is bad in itself, though. I enjoy its simplicity and effort to be humorous. The part of Skyla having a concussion because of a Flightless Bird Riding Race seems to be the source of comedy, but the event isn't explained sufficiently so that readers can fully imagine how it's like and how it leads to Skyla having her head knock out. I'm thinking of her riding an ostrich, but I'm not sure if that's how you intend to imagine it.
I have a question though - how far is Katherine from Skyla? Based on their conversation, it seems like Katherine knows enough of Skyla's location to ask her to look out of her window to check on a ship. That indicates either her house oversees the ocean and far from Katherine's house or that it oversees and near with Katherine's house. I lean towards the former though because Katherine knows Skyla could see the ship, but she doesn't know Skyla can see the Travellers. Maybe it's good if you clear this up, though, since it's not clearly stated.
And that is all! Keep up the good job!
Thanks for the review! The only reason I included the concussion was to explain why there was no newspaper that week. As for Katherine's house in relation to Skyla's, I imagine it to be a couple blocks away, with a view of both the ocean and Skyla's house. Probably with a perspective of elevation, like on a hill. Oh, and yeah, I thought of ostriches too.
Ah, I see! All right. c: