Her face peeks from behind curtains of clouds,
Shining solemnly in the night,
With freckles and dimples she is crowned,
Yet her face always wears a simple smile.
~
She shines upon faces of children, asleep,
Upon buds of flowers, giving hope to grow,
Though the scars on her run so very deep,
She still musters the energy to glow.
~
Her soft gaze falls upon rivers,
Falls down as soft as snow,
And The rivers hold up a mirror,
Reflecting her glow.
~
She, the moon, walks softly on her path,
Though, Sometimes a chipped corner falls apart,
And falls down as a shooting star,
Scratching the surface of the dark.
~
Though her feet are bare,
And tangled are her hair,
She walks until the birds cry out to the sun,
And announce that another day has begun,
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140,083 Literary Works • 672,994 Reviews
Hey there! ^_^ I remember loving this poem the first time I read it, so I decided to leave a review!
I really love your imagery in this. I love writing about celestial themes, perhaps a bit too much xD, so that made me enjoy this poem even more. I love how you've personified the moon, giving her dimples and a crown. She seems like a human, the way you describe her as having hair and walking. I also think your opening line is really strong, because it gives a clear setting to the reader. I think one of my favourite parts is you explaining how shooting stars come about -> a chip of the moon falls down and becomes a shooting star. I think that's really neat that you included kind of your own "origin story." Overall, I super enjoyed this beautify poem of yours <3
I do have some suggestions for you! These are just suggestions, so if you don't agree with them, please feel free to disregard and ignore them! ^^
Title
While your title perfectly sums up the premise of the poem, it might not attract many readers since it's not "exciting," if that's the right word. Of course, you can keep your title if you like it the way it is! c: But if not, perhaps you can experiment with different titles! Honestly, my brain can't think of any titles right now, so for now, I'll just leave you with this thought :)
Stanzas
Since your poem is a bit on the longer side, I do think separating it into stanzas would help! This would make it less intimidating and easier to read. There are many ways you can divide this poem up, and I am going to give you one way you could in the spoiler below! Feel free to divide it a different way or not divide it at all ^_^ (I also replaced the comma at the end of the very last line with a period. Since nothing is following after the last line, I don't think a comma really makes sense, so I put a period instead!)
Spoiler
Rhyme Scheme
I love your choice of adding a rhyme scheme to this poem. It makes it flow smoothly and easily, and it contributes to the overall relaxed atmosphere of this poem. It's pretty consistent throughout the first half of the poem (ABAB, CDCD, etc.) but with the very last four lines, it changes to AABB. Since you only changed it up for a few lines, I don't think it's a big deal, but I personally think a rhyme scheme sounds better when it's consistent all the way throughout. But it's entirely up to you how you do it; I just wanted to mention how I felt about it so that it may help you when revising c:
Word Choice/Language
I really love your choice of words! Like I said before, it gives such a magical atmosphere, and I really love the way y you've described and personified the moon :)
I really love the alliteration in these two lines (curtain, clouds & shining, solemnly). It makes the poem very pleasant to read aloud. I also love the image of "curtains of clouds" and how you decided the make the moon "peek" her face out. It's a really lovely image!
Ooh I love how you described the moon as having scars. I'm assuming that's perhaps the craters on the moon? Or maybe it's something else? Maybe you could even expand on what the scars look like to create a more vivid picture!
In these two lines
and
You capitalized words in the middle of the line ("The" and "Sometimes") which I'm not quite sure why you did, as before you only capitalized the beginning of the lines. I thought I'd point that out because I personally think being consistent in capitalization is important ^^
Love your alliteration here (scratching, surface) and also the idea of a chip causing a scratch on something intangible like the dark. I think that's really neat! c:
Since "hair" is singular, not plural, I think this would make more sense grammatically if you said "And tangled is her hair," instead :p
And that's all I got for you! Overall, I really enjoyed this poem. I could picture the whole setting and all of the actions clearly in my mind, and I really appreciated your language in describing the moon and also how you personified her. I think you did a really nice job with this poem, and I hope to read more from you. I hope this helped! <3
Thank you so so much! You gave a very sweet review! I will keep in mind your advice for future poems, as I really don%u2019t want to change my real non-revised poem.....I feel that if I change it, my..... real thing won%u2019t shine through, I%u2019m sorry I don%u2019t know how else to explain....and well, about the stanzas, the way you divided it is EXACTLY how I wrote it, but when I published it, the stanzas vanished. I tried editing but it was still the same....
Of course, I'm happy to hear this helped! ^_^ Okay, that totally makes sense! c:
Oh yeah, YWS tends to eat up the stanza breaks xD What you can do to fix that is put a - or ~ in the white space between the stanzas. This will make YWS think there is something there, and your breaks won't disappear. I hope this helps!
I absolutely loved this poem!😃
It like the moon is a person in this poem, with human features and feelings. This makes the poem very entertaining and more interesting to read.
My favorite part was the very beginning and how you described the moon with human features.
"Her face peeks from behind curtains of clouds,
Shining solemnly in the night,
With freckles and dimples she is crowned,
Yet her face always wears a simple smile."
Overall, I loved this poem. The unique way you described the moon and and really enjoyed the ending of it. I feel like you put punctuation in all the right places, and I saw grammatical errors. Can't wait to read what you write next!
Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL
Thank you so much
I love this poem. I love how you talk about the moon as if the moon is a person, it makes it fascinating and more entertaining. You are a very talented writer Rida, I cant wait to read more of your work
but i think the next poem should be about the sun and what the sun is like and they're surrounded by 
.
May i suggest what to write about??? you don't have to listen to me
I hope my review was very kind and helpful for you
JoeTamez
ps i love your profile picture
Thanks you so so much!!!
Good morning
I popped in looking to find something to keep me busy at work, and look how lovely this is! What a sweet little sentiment to the face in the night sky.
I always like to give my encouragement first
I love how sweet this is, how loving towards the soft creature that watches over the night hours. Every word of this is reverent and adoring. I like the relative consistency in your verse lengths, obviously that is a very fluid thing but short verses can be a lovely thing.
These are for sure my favorite lines! they are vivid and descriptive.
Next off, a little constructive criticism
One of the things writers often run into in writing is repetition. It can be challenging to find new descriptive words, especially for actions, and keep from saying the same thing over and over.
For instance:
[color=orange]("Shine")
And
("Glow")[
You might consider changing out a 'glow' for 'cast light' or another word/phrase with similar meaning.
Punctuation and Structure
Punctuation in poetry is really an "add to taste" type of deal, so I don't often add it in to my reviews. I see you have a pattern with your commas and periods, but for me, personally, it feels like too much. That being said, that may just be me.
As i said before, i like the verse lengths you chose, I also like how you have a rhythm going that almost rhymes, but not quite.
I really enjoyed reading this, and I look forward to reading your future works.
Keep Writing!
Thank you so much! Your advice was really helpful. Thank you so much!