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The sun is black on my tongue-

by rida


the sun is black on my tongue,

  like scorched pineapples my mother made,

     glazed and burnt- just like that, it punches a hole

in my mouth. air where it shouldn’t be,

      another breath. this was my greed. i hold up a hand

to cradle the empty sky above me, watch it

      crumble and fall in big chunks on

my dining table, until there is nothing

     above my head, above anyone’s head. this was my envy.

i dig at the earth, mud and life settling in my fingernails

       dig and dig and dig until there is nothing beneath my feet,

beneath anyone’s feet. this was my selfishness.

nothing left, i open my mouth and let out the scorched sun,

      the dead sky, the hollow mud, throw them together

in heaps until they look pretty enough together,

      this is- this is- this one is me.

barren lands, empty mouths. i take in a breath

   and watch myself.

Is this a review?



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77 Reviews

Points: 51
Reviews: 77

Mon Apr 15, 2024 3:56 am
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SofieR wrote a review...

Hey there, Sofie here with a review!

Wow, you did a great job on this. I really enjoyed the different imagery and symbolism you used. Right off the bat, the opening line really draws you in;

"like scorched pineapples my mother made,

glazed and burnt- just like that, it punches a hole

in my mouth. air where it shouldn’t be,"

I also love the repetition on the line; "dig and dig and dig until there is nothing beneath my feet.

Good job! Hope to read more from you soon!

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13 Reviews

Points: 203
Reviews: 13

Fri Apr 12, 2024 4:23 pm
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ThekingsAdvisor wrote a review...

This poem feels heavy with emotion, like there's something big happening. It talks about how the sun feels black on the speaker's tongue, which is a really vivid way to describe something that's hard to explain. The part about the scorched pineapples the speaker's mother made adds to this feeling of something being off or uncomfortable.

As the poem goes on, it seems like the speaker is grappling with some big feelings like greed, envy, and selfishness. They talk about feeling like they've taken too much and left nothing behind. It's like they're trying to make sense of their own actions and how they've affected everything around them.

The imagery in the poem is really powerful, like when the speaker digs at the earth and ends up with nothing beneath their feet. It's a really stark way to show how they're feeling empty and alone.

In the end, the speaker seems to be trying to come to terms with who they are and what they've done. It's like they're trying to find a way to accept themselves, even if they feel like they've messed everything up. It's a really deep and introspective poem that leaves you thinking.

GOOD Job. That was really good work

rida says...

Thank you so much for the review! You had a really good interpretation - even I didn%u2019t understand my poem as well as you did. Thank you again! <33333

ThekingsAdvisor says...

no prob

Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just stab Caesar!
— Gretchen Wieners