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They answer my questions with confident lies

by rida

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6 Reviews

Points: 276
Reviews: 6

Thu Jan 20, 2022 4:12 am
naazmemonn wrote a review...

this is such a unique poem and i thoroughly enjoyed reading it. the use of your creaative devices while writing this is fun to witness. the red flesh-flash imagery has got to be my favorite. i loved the usage of the words pulsating twice; almost as if you are mocking it. although it did take me a few reads to truly understand the piece, (which i still believe i quite havent grasped haha) it was enticing for sure

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443 Reviews

Points: 20858
Reviews: 443

Tue Jan 18, 2022 12:14 am
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Seirre wrote a review...

Hi there rida! I was very intrigued by your title, and when I saw this poem was experimental I just absolutely had to stop by with a review!

So my first impression, just looking at the poem, is that visually it comes across as a bit playful and lighthearted, with the cApItAlIzAtIoN and \\ punctuation (!!/). But then when I dive into the actual contents of the poem, you have some super visceral and almost disgusting images, especially for example "Red flesh {/flash!} between teeth, pulsating (,)". And I would just like to be clear that I mean disgusting in the best possible way - I often find that poetry that is bold enough to dig into some uncomfortable images can be some of the most memorable and effective poetry. So there's a fair bit of dissonance between the playful vibe of the formatting and then the very intense images - and I really like the effect that has. It makes it feel like visually, the poem is "confidently lying" to the reader which is such a neat parallel to what the poem is actually about.

I agree with both Rook and YellowSweater that you have some very effective images at the base of this poem, which is a very important aspect of experimental poetry I think; if you took away all the fancy formatting, we would still be left with a really interesting and engaging poem! One thing I really enjoyed was that the images are very diverse and varied and vivid, but also quite clearly connected to each other. Everything ties back to the image of lies being in the mouth, and then your extended images such as the neon green and the sun are still directly connected to that. It keeps everything very easy to follow, which I think is a plus in an experimental poem!

I would have to agree with Rook that the cApItAlIZAtIoN feels a bit too much in some places, though I can't really put a finger on why. I'd be interested to see what it would look like if you used font size to create a pulsating motion instead? I also find that the repeated ellipses (...) on their own don't really add much to the poem. This is totally just a suggestion, but I think it could potentially be cool if instead of just being empty parenthesis with ellipses, they were

* (...the...)
* (...baited...)
* (...breaths...)

or something like that.

I like how you address this poem to the reader (or at least, someone reading the poem) and frame it like a set of instructions. Something about the tone feels almost a bit patronizing? Like the narrator is fed up with the other person and has no patience left. I think that comes in part from the phrasing of "If you must" that pops up a couple times in the poem, and also something about the cApItaLiZEd phrases come across as sarcastic to me. I think it's because my friends and I use it to convey sarcasm / condescension over text; even earlier today, my friend sent me "BOO!" and I responded "omg sCaRy" in a way that was meant to indicate that I was not at all scared.

In terms of legitimate critiques, really the only thing I would say is that I'm not totally sure what the meaning of the last line is. Up until then, I think everything is fairly straightforward if you read it a couple of times, but I just can't figure out what "/the sun is bleeding abandonment, (neon green lingers at the surface)/" is supposed to mean. It's incredibly poetic, don't get me wrong, and maybe that's the only purpose you want it to have, which is totally valid! But if you're trying to convey something specific there, I might suggest reworking it a bit since for me at least it's not coming through. (I might also just be missing something quite obvious, so if that's the case feel free to ignore this xD)

Overall, this was an incredibly engaging and interesting read! A+ for experimentation, imagery, and creative use of punctuation! I hope this review proves useful for you, and if you've got any questions/comments about anything I brought up, I'm always happy to chat ^^


rida says...


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34 Reviews

Points: 43
Reviews: 34

Thu Jan 13, 2022 11:59 pm
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YellowSweater wrote a review...

Hello, I was very intrigued by this piece. Sometimes unique formatting can be used to make up for lack of interesting content or imagery, but here I feel like it adds to a piece that was already very interesting. I love you you deal with what happens to a question once it gets asked. I love you treat a question like a physical thing, showing how it can be "unraveled" and "broken into tiny bits and chewed. Even though I don't think this is what you were going for, the poem makes me think about how the act of inquiry is a collaborative process. How in someone else's question we see our own questions reflected. Also I love both the lines "a thousand suns bloom on your teethe "and neon green lingers on the surface."

I realize now that this poem is about avoiding question and giving untruthful answers, but I didn't quite get that when I first read the poem. I think it was because I somehow forgot to read the title. Reading in through that frame is interesting as well.

rida says...

Thanks for the review! ^_^

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576 Reviews

Points: 251
Reviews: 576

Thu Jan 13, 2022 4:00 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...

This is actually a very cool and unique poem.I think this poem could be about people who already have answers in their head that they don’t even think about.They just have to give out answers.Also,you really described thinking about your answer well,with the upper and lower case letters,repeating the sentence,as if thinking about it and mocking it.This was fun to read.I hope you have a calm and lovely day and night.

rida says...

Thanks for the review!! :]

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616 Reviews

Points: 4395
Reviews: 616

Thu Jan 13, 2022 10:37 am
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Rook wrote a review...

This is a very unique poem! I like experimental stuff like this, and I think you have some really strong imagery to ground the poem in. It was a pleasure to read through, in the same way that running your hand over an object that has an interesting texture is so gratifying. Unfortunately, the way that your poem is makes it hard to critique. I feel like it you were to try to publish this, either the editors would understand that sensation, that texture, or they wouldn't.
Either way, here's a couple of things I personally might have done differently, but it's really up to you whether you want to change them or not. I think it works as-is.

-The thing I feel most strongly about is: I don't like the parts with rAndOm caPITaLs. It just feels. wrong? memey? gimmicky? not that the rest of this isn't gimmicky, but I like gimmicky things in general. But this feels maybe gimmicky or tacky or memey in a bad way. Again though, up to you.

-I kind of wish the neon green was there at the start of the poem in some way. I'm not sure what it represents. Not that I know what anything in this poem represents, but I'm most curious about this green for some reason. It does contrast very nicely with the blood red.

-This is just a compliment: I love the detail of vaselined lips. That's excellent. Especially next to the neon green and the thousand suns blooming on the teeth. That is probably my favorite line in this, followed by the last one and then the second one.

-I guess that leads me to, could you make the other lines just as surprising? I guess the pulsating lines just aren't doing it for me. and the Remember! line.

-I'm interested in the bullet points. I don't have a strong opinion about them either way, which maybe leads me to think they might be unnecessary, and I tend to suggest cutting things that are unnecessary. But I'm just like that with poetry in general. I'm also a bit ?? on the weird punctuaion. I think it mostly works in your favor, though I really cant understand why or what it's doing other than adding visual interest and texture. There's something about that tilde that I don't like though. It's giving me the stink eye.

Anyway, I think that's all I really have to say! This was a cool poem and it'd be interesting to see where you take it in revisions. It seems like something that would be really fun to play with :]
Hope this was helpful; keep writing!

Tons of cowering! Plus your name in the summer programme. A custom-designed banner. A cabin at Camp Half-Blood. Two shrines. I'll even throw in a Kymopoleia action figure.
— Rick Riordan, The Blood of Olympus