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[Light floods in- - -]

by rida

Lights- - -> lights lightly laugh- lithe dancing dreams drenching darkness and all the promises she failed to keep\\ city lights giggle, flutter, flicker- stars stuttering, hopes fluttering - - - drowning in darkness\\ glowworms giggle, gasp, glitter, flutter~ magic moments of memories [fly-too-close, flight crashes on our feet]\\ light lulling us to sleep, slow breaths building castles in our dreams- - - daytime dwindles, dreams darken & light flickers, flutters, glitters, glimmers.

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206 Reviews

Points: 6605
Reviews: 206

Wed Sep 29, 2021 12:33 am
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spatula wrote a review...

Hi there, rida! I'll be reviewing this for the Checklist Challenge.

So first thing I noticed is that there is a lot of alliteration here. The repeating letters in a row all conjure a lot of images I think, but the formatting is actually helping. Alliteration is typically seen as either someone's downfall or someone's rise - there isn't really an in between because the spectrum of that is truly so wide. I think it benefits the poem here though, because it sticks to the strict pattern with alliteration while remaining unique.

With that alliteration is assonance, the repetition of a certain sound. I think there's a lot less of that here than with alliteration, but it's still noticeable enough. With the changing of starting letters so quickly and the fact the alliteration is very strong right off the bat, I think having both of those in the same poem can be a little overwhelming. You do somewhat lose the rigidness as the poem goes on though, so it depends.

Like with the line / section ~

glowworms giggle, gasp, glitter, flutter~ magic moments of memories [fly-too-close, flight crashes on our feet]

I really enjoy the creative formatting, like I said. I have issues with expanding my structure horizons if I'm being honest, but seeing other people do it always excites me. The way this is formatted really edges along these lines, more specifically the ones that end up towards the closing of the poem because there's more room there. It can be hard to read depending on the person, as from reviews, but I enjoy the usage of ~ and the brackets more than I actually enjoy the shape and the general stuff tbh.

Besides that, I do think that, with the formatting and how it helps you aside, I believe that the way you settle down towards the end feels like it's a bit broken off? The original "pizaz" or such of the poem when we are introduced to it is just left there and taken away from because it softens, which isn't always a bad thing. I think it just depends on what you think you want for your poetry and how it makes you feel.

That's all! Happy almost end of RevMo!
- chi

rida says...

Thank you so much for the amazing review! It was very helpful! ^^

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80 Reviews

Points: 1788
Reviews: 80

Thu Sep 23, 2021 12:33 am
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AilahEvelynMae wrote a review...

Hi there, Ellie-Mae here for a quick review!

Wishing you a happy day/evening/morning/night/whatever is applicable to your part of the world! First off, please remember that my reviews are my own opinions :) I’ll give honest feedback, but nothing at all is intended to hurt or discourage you in any way at all! <3 So, without waiting any longer, let’s get right into it and digest the spectabulous piece of literary work!

lights could mean anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you for making me notice that. this has really made me think, unlike anything else I've read today. I LOVE LOVE it! good work :)


rida says...

Thanks for the review!! Super glad you enjoyed it! ^^

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103 Reviews

Points: 990
Reviews: 103

Tue Sep 14, 2021 12:22 pm
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waywardxwanderer wrote a review...

Hello! Wallflower here for a quick review (:

At first, the formatting of this poem threw me off, but once I started reading it began to make sense - it fits with the sort of poem it is. It's unique and creative and definitely adds something to the poem.

"lithe dancing dreams drenching darkness and all the promises she failed to keep" I absolutely LOVE this line. Your alliterations are lovely, and the contrast of the first and second half of this line brings some darkness into play, mixed with wonder. The constant contrast between the darkness and light throughout this poem is incredibly well done, and the ending- contrary to the beginning - starts on darkness and ends in light.

This poem is absolutely beautiful. Your diction, alliteration, and figurative language is fantastic, and your writing style is unique and beautiful. You should definitely be proud!

rida says...

Thank you so much for the amazingly encouraging review!!!

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524 Reviews

Points: 47
Reviews: 524

Tue Sep 14, 2021 12:20 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...

This poem was short,but sweet.Now,the lights could mean anything.They could be taken literally,as in actual lights or they could be the small glimmer of hope that is in everyone’s life,which could be a light to them.I loved how descriptive you were when you were talking about lights.”City lights giggle,flutter,flicker..” That brings to mind the sparkling lights.Your poem was clear and beautiful.Good Job!

rida says...

Thanks!! ^_^

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Points: 86
Reviews: 3

Tue Sep 14, 2021 12:13 pm
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snapcracklepop wrote a review...

Firstly, I really liked the unconventional formatting of this poem, and how you used the symbols we often find on our keyboards to further convey a sense of atmosphere. When I read this in full, I was immediately immersed the setting. It made me think of a remote area like a pond, or a swamp that was just filled with lightning bugs. The lines that most intrigued me/the ones I liked the most was:

"city lights giggle, flutter, flicker- stars stuttering, hopes fluttering - - - drowning in darkness\\ glowworms giggle, gasp, glitter, flutter~ magic moments of memories."
Not only is it a simple, but beautifully crafted line, but it also has a certain rhythm to it that conveys some sort of anxiety from the narrator, who's afraid of the world around them fading away(?) I'm not that sure.

In conclusion: I have to say that I really, really enjoyed this piece, and I am super glad I clicked on it. Reading it was a really good way to start my day.
Keep writing


rida says...

Thanks for the review!!! Amazing username by the way!!!!

snapcracklepop says...

You're welcome, and thank you for the kind compliment!

It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.
— Rick Riordan, The Last Olympian