Hi there, rida! I'll be reviewing this for the Checklist Challenge.
So first thing I noticed is that there is a lot of alliteration here. The repeating letters in a row all conjure a lot of images I think, but the formatting is actually helping. Alliteration is typically seen as either someone's downfall or someone's rise - there isn't really an in between because the spectrum of that is truly so wide. I think it benefits the poem here though, because it sticks to the strict pattern with alliteration while remaining unique.
With that alliteration is assonance, the repetition of a certain sound. I think there's a lot less of that here than with alliteration, but it's still noticeable enough. With the changing of starting letters so quickly and the fact the alliteration is very strong right off the bat, I think having both of those in the same poem can be a little overwhelming. You do somewhat lose the rigidness as the poem goes on though, so it depends.
Like with the line / section ~
glowworms giggle, gasp, glitter, flutter~ magic moments of memories [fly-too-close, flight crashes on our feet]
I really enjoy the creative formatting, like I said. I have issues with expanding my structure horizons if I'm being honest, but seeing other people do it always excites me. The way this is formatted really edges along these lines, more specifically the ones that end up towards the closing of the poem because there's more room there. It can be hard to read depending on the person, as from reviews, but I enjoy the usage of ~ and the brackets more than I actually enjoy the shape and the general stuff tbh.
Besides that, I do think that, with the formatting and how it helps you aside, I believe that the way you settle down towards the end feels like it's a bit broken off? The original "pizaz" or such of the poem when we are introduced to it is just left there and taken away from because it softens, which isn't always a bad thing. I think it just depends on what you think you want for your poetry and how it makes you feel.
That's all! Happy almost end of RevMo!
- chi
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