Young Writers Society

Hi there rida! Niteowl here to leave a quick review.

I like the first stanza and how it sets up a rhythm, though I think the line about continued desperate pleas is a little awkward. Maybe something like "perpetual pleas"? It looks shorter but seems to fit in terms of syllables.

I also like the overall idea of how school is terrible and how adults don't seem to get it. I know when I was in school, my mom would say things like "you're young, you don't have stress", which seems awfully ridiculous while I'm buried to the gills in classwork because every teacher thinks an hour of homework is reasonable.

However, I feel like I'm not really getting a sense of how school is. It tells us school is stressful and prison-like, but I don't really feel it. There's so many angles you could take here-the draconian physical structure of school (eg having to ask permission to go to the bathroom, the need to teleport across the school in order to get to your next class, rules about when you can eat/drink), the social stress (getting along with classmates, figuring out where to sit at lunch, cliques and bullying), the unrealistic homework expectations, the constant question of "when will I need to know this?", and probably more reasons I can't think of right now. You touch on some of this, but I really think you could play this up with more imagery and examples.

I'm also not sure what "winning" and "showing our might" looks like. Are these kids striking from school? Or is "winning" in this case just getting good grades and making it to graduation.

Overall, this isn't a bad start, but it'd be interesting to build upon this. Keep writing!

As a homeschooler who has been to public school
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Hey there! I decided I'd review some more poetry today.

The first two lines of the poem are certainly a strong start, taking it in a very different direction than the unassuming title would suggest. The part following directly after sets the rhythm you're establishing off a little, though:

Imprisoned.

almost driven insane

But adults don’t seem to hear.

Our continues, desperate cries of plea.

We are forced to study, but we will win

We will show the world.

That we are clever, intelligent, we use our wits.



We will spread our wings wide.

Show them our true strength, our might.

Just want to give this fact to you...

My dad travels the world (Not right now of course) and he frequently visits prisons. Well, guess what? The designs that are for schools here are designs for prisons in other countries.
So, quite literally, schools are prisons.

The paragraphs aren’t neat, I know, but there seems to be a problem with this....