What is the point of writing
if I can’t show how I feel?
What is the point of this site
if I can’t post what is real?
Why would I hide all my anger
my sadness, my hate or my love?
Why would I hold these words in
when this site lets me blow it all up?
A message to all of you newbies;
don’t let them stop how you feel.
Let out all of your colors
Pour out all of your fears
Why would I smudge all my colors?
When I can let them shine bright
Vibrant, unique like no other
Now, I think I could use a light…
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Canary word: Present
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138,394 Literary Works • 672,114 Reviews
Hello! LadyShadows dropping by!
Keep writing! You're doing well!
I really REALLY loved this poem! I liked the fact that the formatting seemed clean and the poem rhymed. I also loved the fact that this poem was very realistic and you seemed like you were pouring the words from your heart. It felt to me as if you were telling the world that others can't stop you (or anyone else) from expressing what you or they feel, no matter how positive or negative it is. What I'm really saying is that this was kind of powerful in its own right. I enjoyed this piece. I'm becoming a fan!
Thank you for the kind review!!
It's very appreciated.
Hey there klennon14. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
I can't say "Welcome to YWS" because you have been here longer than me so let's just stick to Good Morning. And now onto the introduction/presentation of your poem starting with the title and description.
I think it would be best if the "i" and the "t" were capitalized along with the other first letters. It just gives a better look when somebody glances by.
The P.S. note may have been better at the end of your poem for a better effect. I mean the reader can barely tell what you may or may not be talking about at the end, so I don't really know if the note is needed. Also get rid of one or more exclamation points. A period might be better for that situation.
For the best effect of emotion from the piece, there should be a pause after line 1 and line 3. Nice use of rhyming in lines 2 and 4 though.
I believe a comma needs to be placed after "anger" and before "my sadness".
Okay now that, that is over with let's talk about the actual content of the poem. So one of your poems was shot down for being too sad? Of the few poems I've written, someone told me mine wasn't sad enough and the emotion felt forced. Which I felt was funny at the time because they were mad I was writing with happiness instead of depression. It was a little odd that you included the message to new users but then again maybe it's just how I interpreted it. It was a pretty short poem but you were effective at getting the intended message across to your readers. Overall it was nice, somewhat funny(even if it was intended to be serious), and I liked it.
^Everybody better pay attention because that is the first time I have praised something in awhile. Won't happen for another 10 reviews so turn you attention towards it.^
Well that's about all I have for this review. Sorry I couldn't offer any more comments or words of advice, however you want to take them. If you have any questions about this review PM me.
Have a nice day.
Lizzy
Queen of the Book Clubs
Thank you so much! I really appreciate the review! Just to clarify, I wasn't telling writers to be sad or anything, just not to let others tear them down for feeling raw emotions or putting out a heartfelt or raw piece.
And, why yes, this was meant to be somewhat humorous! Thanks again!
You turned flack into inspiration to write more. Kudos! A lot of people would have done the opposite and stopped writing those kinds of poems (or stopped posting) but you didn't let it stop you.
Keep on being awesome!
- Sofie
Thank you!
This is a great poem!! I think it's realistic too! In the first two lines, I feel as though it shows how we know how to express our feelings in real life instead of through paper or technology. The last two lines from the first stanza reminds me how there are some sites that are fake and we can't seem to post if it's true or false. I can see that the poem is about expressing yourself and letting out your colorful personality, and that's great! Again, I think this poem is the best thing I've read so far in this site
Thank you for the kind words!
This is an amazing poem! The rhythm to it is great.
The one thing that confuses me is the last sentence. I'm not exactly sure what it means. But I think overall this is a very well thought out poem, and I really enjoyed it! Keep up the good work!
Thank you! The last line means I need a light for a cigarette after writing this poem haha! But I included in the description, in no way shape or form do I advocate smoking, it's just to add humor and drama.