Young Writers Society

I like this poem very much. It is obvious to me that you have talent, but being new to writing and this site I have no idea what it is about. Could you tell me what it is about? However the rhythm of the poem was great, and it came together very well. I think I might review some of your other work as well. All in all, a great poem. Thank you for sharing!

Really nice poem! The rhythm was really great and I loved the power that each word in the poem had!

Hello, hello! RagingLive here to review your poem!! You are still fairly new to the site, so I'm going to start by saying welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy the all of the fellow writers' company and the wealth of knowledge among us!

First off, I absolutely loved this poem and I will try and make sure that I give a worthy review that will not only help you, but that others, even me, can benefit from as well.
I will probably take it line-by-line except for those that are just right the way that they are, so my suggestive words will be in bold. And we're off!!

The title was what originally drew me in and then the fact that you started the poem off strong with rhythm and rhyme flowing almost effortlessly. I want to warn you, though, that it does get hard to read because there are not sectioned off phrases or paragraphs to go by. This can make it hard to decipher certain parts later on. Since you're going by an A/B A/B rhythm I suggest breaking them up with a few dashes every four sentences to aide the reader's comprehension. If you have a question about this let me know!

where birds won't sing

and the sun won't rise

they flap their wings

but without the light

they cannot see

my ripped raw throat

my lifeless fingers

that take these notes

let's make these hours

only last.

Wow, I really like this poem. You really nail the rhyming and the descriptions! I feel as though the rhythm of the poem I feel like could be sing-songy or quite grave, just me personally. The imagery in this poem is great, and there is just something that I can't explain that I really like, but I like it, so great job! Keep on writing!

Hiya there!
Gravity here to give you a review on your poem. I want to give you a warning. I review poems an stories pretty harshly depending on what I see wrong with them. The following review is to be taken merely as a suggestion to help you learn and grow as a writer. If you don't agree with me, that's perfectly fine. You know your work much better than I do, but I'm here to give you the reader's perspective, so pretty please don't take that personally.

Onward with the review!

So as far as the concept of your poem goes, it's nothing new. There are many people who feel despair and depression and in your description you weren't very specific about the meaning of your poem which is fine, just pointing that out. But because this particular subject has been done over and over again, it can begin to feel impersonal unless you add a unique twist. And I feel like I've read and seen this before. Again, that's nothing personal to you, there were definitely some very good lines and descriptions in here, and you probably did not write this poem for others, you wrote it to express yourself.

Let's talk about your structure. You didn't have stanzas. Don't get confused by this, a stanza does not necessarily need to be separated clearly by a space or line, it's separated by an idea. So the structure of your poem resembles a run on sentence. Also, there are little spelling mistakes and words left out that I think you could fix if you went back and looked. Also with structure, your rhyme scheme is very inconsistent. I find that you sometimes disrupt the rhythm just to rhyme which I didn't like.

no one knows

tuck you hair

behind pale ears

to only live

in a place of fear