Young Writers Society

Hello writer! You got real talent because I know writing poems is not easy i just want to tell you that please try to use proper punctuation marks and write full lines instead of broken phrases because it kind of breaks the link of the poem and the reader. Yet your poem is interesting and good. The most special thing about his poetry? It's simple. The magic it creates is beautiful, yet simple. The smiles which he spreads are many in number, and yet, all his work is not complex, it's simple. Keep writing and i hope my review was useful to you in any way. New to this site but loved your work. Sorry for a short review.
Urvika

hi klennon14
my attempt of reviewing...

I noticed that you have very minimum punctuation marks in your poem, so it does not have much of a flow. So I would use a bit of punctuation. overall I like the idea of the poem.

Hello, Klennon. It's Ellstar, here for a short review, seeing this is also a short poem. I find your poem a little bit interesting, but overall it somewhat blends in the background in terms of uniqueness. But we'll talk about that later. First of all, the highlights (there aren't many, fortunately).

-"Crumpled and broken

stretched out on the ground

see your lips moving

without hearing a sound" Are you crumpled and broken on the ground while you're watching their lips move? Or have you broken down while watching their lips move? It seems like an interesting line, really it is, but personally I'd like a little bit more explanation.

And that's it. Can't find anything else, overall.

Now, let's talk about the work as a whole. I felt like this had a soul to it, a personal experience to associate itself with, but as a whole it's very vague in its intentions. It doesn't really talk much about what the lover was like, or what tore them apart, or why the author needs them so badly. Some of these things you don't need to answer, others you really do if you want to make an impact on the reader. As a whole, this isn't at all bad, great even, it just didn't have enough meat on it to make an impact for me. Does that mean I disliked it? Not at all. I'm a sucker for poems like these, the ones where the author is on the ground begging for something that may or may not be good for them, and for the most part you did that well enough. I just thought it needed a little more context.

Good job, overall.

Signing out,

--EM.

Hello~!
Trying to check some greenies from the green room one by one!
So raindrop here to give you a short review.
Let's start with the first thing of course.The tittle.
It is simple,clean and fresh.I like it so this is not full of negative comments.
I will review and read at the same time.
I will write it in here with everything corrected so you see how it looks corrected overall.
I have the feeling this won't be such a happy poetry but the sad theme is what I like.
You know now that I like the idea of this work so now I will only look at the grammar and punctuation:





Crumpled and broken,

stretched out on the ground.

Seeing your lips moving,

without hearing a sound.


Peck on the cheek,

smack to the lips.

Push of the heart,

rotate the hips.


Tear me down slowly,

rip me apart.

Stomp on the pieces,

slash through my heart.


Mend all the stitches,

knitted and torn.

Kiss the wound (not sure for the comma here but I accept it) now,

like you had from the start.


It’s not you,

it’s me.

It’s not him,

that I see.

It’s not her,

that I breathe. (that let's me breathe or something like that sounds better here so it makes more sense)

It’s us,

that I need.



Good job!