Skinny love
passing by
too afraid
to just say hi
Heavy footsteps
in steel toe boots
wink and smile
what’s there to lose?
The only thing
that I can see
fleeting eyes and
weakened knees
Who’s to say
that we’re above
the birds and bees
the laws of love?
Who’s to say
we have no chance
at finding hope
to give a damn?
Who’s to say
you won’t come back
weary eyed?
We got off track…
I said to leave
you held no ground
spinning, whirling
on this merry-go-round.
These lines are lost
without you near
I know I’m foolish
it’s been two years
But girls can dream
and planes can fly
crashing low but
soaring high
We’ll meet again
I know we will
until next time
I’ll down these pills…
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140,247 Literary Works • 673,060 Reviews
Hey there
~
WOW. you really did an amazing job. I really could feel and imagine what situation you were portraying.I really love the way your poem flows. You really made rhyming look easy!
"Skinny love
passing by
too afraid
to just say hi"
There lines really did an amazing job at setting the view you wanted the readers to view from.
"These lines are lost
without you near
I know I’m foolish
it’s been two years"
these lines are simply amazing. I really am amazed by the way you can put so much power and sentiment in simple words.
"But girls can dream
and planes can fly
crashing low but
soaring high
We’ll meet again
I know we will
until next time
I’ll down these pills…"
these lines again show happiness, hope and sorrow at the same time and I love it.
You really did a great job. Congratulations for it.
Never quit writing, you are really good at it.
Fangirl
Thank you so much for your kind review! P.S. as soon as I noticed you're a Divergent fan I hit the follow button
Divergent rocks!!!!
Hello Los3r Lov3 here. I had to do a review so why not on your poem.
Firstly this was a great poem I enjoyed it. One thing I found you could improve on is making longer stanzas maybe. I read lots of poetry so I've came familiar with the poetry format. That's all I could really think of though. This was a great poem and I hope to read more of your work in the future. Thanks for the read.
Have a lov3ly day!
Thanks for the advice, and thank you for your review!
These would be awesome pop lyrics (I hope that's a compliment to you!).
I really like the way the words fit together, but I wish the last line was more on the positive side of things - I was reading this part in my head
But girls can dream
and planes can fly
crashing low but
soaring high
We’ll meet again
I know we will
until next time
and it sounded uplifting to me, then I got to the last line and I tried to read it rising before I reread it in a falling tone.
No idea about the stanzas sorry
Thanks you for the comment! And yeah, the last line resulted from my bad mood but I may change that eventually. It is a bit misleading, but I didn't think about it as actual pills. It's more about swallowing the memories and pushing down the hopelessness until the two meet again. I don't know, or maybe I'm overthinking it for the last line.
And yes, I'll take that as a compliment about the pop lyrics
Repost (can you delete these?)
You would think after being a member of this site for a while I would remember how to separate my stanzas. Shows how often I post poetry...
Can someone be awesome and tell me how to separate them again? Anyway, the stanzas are obviously four lines based on my rhyme scheme so read it accordingly.