Sweet Nothing

'Ello, it's Cello.

This poem had a good pattern and strong concept but it has some places you could polish it up to really make it shine.

It’s risky

It’s all or nothing

It’s rushing in too quick

It’s electric


You know what they say about lightning-

it strikes one of a few thousand.

It’s a rarity, and it’s also deadly,

but we foolishly dance in the rain.

I see that you're starting your pattern with this first verse here and while it gets the job done, I think it's over all too simple. While yes, simplicity can be wonderful in a poem, and is almost required in this set up, it's important not to be too simple. You use common words and cliché phrases that don't do a lot for the tone of the writing. Switching out some of your language could really spice this intro up.
The second verse was decent too but, like the first, could be taken up a notch with some simple changes in language. The third line would sound sleeker and more intense as 'it's a deadly rarity'. This wording helps to put 'deadly' and 'rarity' as equals which makes the statement more powerful. The fourth line could do well a number of ways but I would suggest considering changing it to say 'but we are fools who dance in the rain'. By using 'fools' instead of 'foolishly' you intensify the use of the phrase. The foolishness is not a part of the people- it is the people.

It felt too good to be true, a fairy-tale come to life,

but Cinderella didn’t just leave her glass slipper.

She left her heart out on that cold stairwell

and you came along and snatched it away.

The whole 'real life fairy-tale' tends to be a bit overused in literature, especially poetry. While it's okay to keep the concept, stating it outright makes it hard to get away without making it feel cliché. A simple fix would to be to reword the end of the first line. "a story only found in fiction" or something to that idea would work. As long as you're not saying "fairy-tale" directly, you should be able to get away with it.
Another thing, which is more stylistic I guess, is you switch of point of view in the second line. The first verses talked about the speaker and their love but this one talks about cinderella and the subject of the poem. Now I get that Cinderella is supposed to represent the speaker but I just don't think it flows as well as it could. The story of Cinderella is well known enough that her name isn't needed for the reader to get the big picture. You could say "but I didn't just leave my glass slipper" and that would work just as well.

But warm hands can turn ice cold like that,

frostbite curling up around my body.

The first time you shut me out was rough

but I let it slide right under the rug so easy.

When I saw you use 'slide' in the last line here I was a bit disappointed that you hadn't tied it in to sliding on ice. Ice is known for being slippery and seeing as you started the verse talking about frostbite and cold ice, I think it would be cool if you could tie the sliding in with the ice.

but the push and pull is so heavy.

It’s too much to carry after so long.

Always chasing and never catching

while you run loose and free.

I just wanted to stop here to say that I really liked the first and third line.

and harder and harder and harder,

until finally my emotions capsize

and they tip over the edge of my heart

and I finally take a dive towards the bottom

You use 'finally' twice in this verse and while it's used properly both times it still feels very repetitive. I would suggest finding a new word or removing it one of the time you use it.

but I keep hoping you’ll try and win me back

I keep hoping you’ll show up on my doorstep,

but I know commitment has slipped through

your trembling, searching fingertips

The second line in this verse is a place you could have some fun and take some risks. You used a very common phrase here and it makes the reader losing interest. There are lots of stories with people returning to those they had abandoned and it could be cool to make an allusion to one of those. There are also lots of nature metaphors that could be substituted. This line leaves you with plenty of alternative options to explore and I think it would be good to take advantage of that opportunity.

Now for the overall critique: I thought this was a solid start with a good idea behind it and some clear skill in the writing but there are a lot of ways you could improve. The two major things I would suggest are looking into your sentence structure and engaging the senses. Make sure your sentences have a beat to them (as a beat strengthens a poem) and make sure you don't have words written in that aren't needed. Try to add language that engage sight, touch, sound, smell, and taste. Use things that everyone has experienced, or can easily imagine experienced, to help pull in the reader's mind and senses and engage them in the poem.

I loved reading your work. Keep writing!
-ChocolateCello