Strings That Pull On My Heart

Hey, great one!
This is something unique, something to ponder upon.
Keep it up!

Hi, Klennon14! My review skills have gotten a tad rusty after all this time but I am going to try and do my best.

Let me start with the positive points. The best thing about your poem, in my opinion, is the way you have used emotive vocabulary to create an impact about what the person is feeling. The wishful thinking is clearly expressed which makes it sad to read because most people can so closely relate to it. Another thing I liked about your poem is the ending which is so conclusive- it gives the feeling of losing all hope which makes it all more sadder.(which is a good thing- to me at least) The emotions are very well described. The way you have divided the stanzas is certainly unusual but well thought about- it flows in a nice way.

There are some tiny nit-picks I have which could be just me.(You don't necessarily have to fret over them just because I said so).There are two slight things that bother me.

1. "rippling up and down, up and down-"

To me, if you used "up and down" only once, it would sound better.

"and return to the place they always have been."

2. If you replaced " they always have been" with "they have always been" it would make the flow better at that place.

Overall, your poem was very interesting to read and I hope to read more of your work.

- Anshira.

I like the way you use the word 'heart' somehow in both of these poetries that I reviewed till now. (this is the second and I reviewed one before this one)
I like the way you express your feelings and talk about not only happiness but sadness also because it can not be only happiness in real life also so you make it feel more realistic atleast in my eyes.

Now to the check of the grammar and all.
So now I am looking only at these stuff.I have always liked the way you put your thoughts in your works.
So here with the corrected version:


Sometimes I wish I could be more than a person,

but how ignorant of me to think otherwise.

Sometimes I wish I could add up to more than skins and bones,

but how foolish of me to think I am more.

Than a puppet , dangling from your ropes.

That tangle, beneath my arms,

just below my ankles.

And choke around my fragile neck.

Limbs that have been snapped and cracked,

and pulled every which way they will bend.


Sometimes I wish that the crack straight down the middle,

would open up in veins through the sides,

rippling up and down, up and down,

and return to the place they always have been.

Sometimes I wish I could escape the hands

of my captor, my vice,

the strings that pull on my heart,

but how foolish of me to think otherwise.