You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are gray.
------
I may not have been your only,
But I did make you shine.
And the sun that you brought out in me
Was nothing less than divine.
.
The life I spent with you
Is a fog, a mist, a blur.
Within the midst, beautiful colours.
The most amazing ones there ever were.
.
I look inside, deep in my love
And find you at the root.
You always lead me in my path,
You’re the name of my pursuit.
.
You have always been my hero,
Feeding, housing, loving me.
You gave up everything, your whole life,
You’ve done it for my sisters and I, three.
.
I remember holding your hand in mine
When, in that hospital bed, you laid.
As I arrived safe at home, I asked,
“How long will she have to stay?”
.
We cried and cried to think
That someday, you’d be gone.
How could we live, survive,
Having lost the one
.
Who volunteered to babysit
Every single kid in town?
Who cleaned and fed and spoiled us
Until we did it to our own?
.
When you were young, you left school
To raise your siblings until death.
I mean really, who does that?
Today, that would be theft.
.
Theft of your opportunities,
Of life and dreams unlived.
Although, in fact, I have to say
I’m awfully glad you did.
.
You learned to love at such an age,
A skill you use until your time,
That you cannot help but be sure
That everyone you see is doing fine!
.
You’ve adapted your dreams from then till now
And for that, I sympathize with all my love.
But you’ve become the one who helped
Raise me to aim my goals above
.
Simply just living,
Of breathing day to day.
I want my life to exhaust, from the world,
Everything you would say.
.
“Boys are bad, don’t talk to them!
They’ll kick you when you’re down!”
Sorry to say, my beautiful nanny,
But my guy and I are new to town.
.
“Keep your room clean, it’ll be a shame
For all to hate you for your mess.”
My sink is full of dirty dishes,
My bed, it will digress.
.
You also told me to live my life
Happy with what I do.
In every way other than that,
I live my life opposing to you.
.
See, this is an ode
To a single life in the highest.
One not yet gone, though
One no longer with us.
.
I will carry you with me
In my head and heart.
Now and forever
Until death, to you, imparts.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hello there! Your poetries as always hit me hard with the deep and emotional feelings put inside them. I have not been in such a situation, losing someone in such a way, but the way you wrote this make me feel like I know how it is even if it had not happened to me in real life. This is how effective your thoughts are.
Each simple thing said and each feeling put reaches the reader deeply, making them think about their own lives. It made me think that I should spend more time with the ones who might not be with me years after, my family and many more.
There are no issues with this work at all. Only the part which Dracula mentioned.
I do not think you need to pause after the first line. They are obviously together and do not make sense alone. Maybe you should put the comma or the pause before 'Having lost the one'.
Everything else I love in this work. Have a good day and keep on writing.
...I totally feel you. My grandfather fell to Alzheimer's earlier this year, and I could totally find myself in the speaker's words. But enough about me; the stage is yours, friend.
My name is Gummy, and I'm here to review this touching piece of yours. The format is standard: I'll give you whatever I liked about this piece first before moving ahead to the bad news. Are you ready? Are you ready, kids?
So, I'll take things on a brand-new spin this time along. I'll start from the bottom and work my way up instead. The reason I'm doing this is because I noticed this amazing pun you made in the very last line... "Until death, to you, imparts." I just know you were referring to "'Til death do us part." Another huge pro I noticed is that this poem is written with a rhyme scheme, which is something I really appreciate. I won't sell out my own portfolio, but if you bother looking at it, you'll notice that I am a huge fan of this traditional type of poetry. I have mixed feelings regarding its gradual disappearance from this site...
I only have a single noticeable nit I have to pick for this piece... There are two occasions where I found that the rhyming pattern was strained a bit. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it was a little slip, but I'm pretty sure "town" doesn't rhyme with "own". The same goes for the words "gone" and "one".
This was a beautiful poem that brought back fond memories of the last few days I spent with my grandfather. Many blessings go to you and your family. You'll miss her, just like I still miss my grandpa, but rest assured they're both in good hands.
Gummy~
Hey there, joallover! This is a beautiful poem, that's all I need to say. You've captured every single emotion perfectly, using lovely language and form. My own grandfather has dementia, so his situation is very similar. Though he still remembers me, thankfully. Because of the similar experiences, I found this very relatable. Although I have to say, the emotions could still be felt by someone completely new to these things, because of your amazing writing which really brought everything to the surface.
There was one thing which didn't sound quite right to me. It was this chunk:
How could we live, survive, / Having lost the one... Who volunteered to babysit / Every single kid in town?
The stanza split in the middle of the 'scene' destroyed the excellent flow I had going. I picked it right back up, but you might want to have a play with rearranging stanzas to see if something can be done so I don't lose my flow at all.
My favourite part of this was these two lines: One not yet gone, though / One no longer with us. It's completely true. No, she is very much alive, but the person she once was has sort of floated away into the heavens. I thought these simple lines captured that idea perfectly.
I really loved this poem. Everything (except that one nitpick) works great together. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.
HI there,
It’s Diap. I’m very glad to find this type of heart touching poem. Your ability of creating rhythm is outstanding.If I had this aptitude!It has made me emotional.Your poem has the ability and quality that can fascinate one.
Good wishes for you.Hope you will prosper in your life.Go on, keep writing.
This is so emotional it made me tear up! I'm sorry about your grandmother. It must've been hard for you and your family