A Message from a Girl in Love

A terrifying journey awaits us two.

We've done something absurd, and all will know soon.

We've fallen in love with wild notions abroad.

We will traverse this path, following from here on.

Some say we're foolish, and honestly, I agree,

But there's so much more to say. Take it from me,

There's such power in, if only, one person here

To live for, to love you, to persevere

Through times when you're feeling all alone,

To have someone to, someday, make a house a home.

To have someone to fight with, 'cause even with the gore,

If you don't fight, there's nothing to fight for.

And even with that, there's more to be said and done.

Kisses, hand-holding and hugs, it's all for the love of your son!

And even for your daughter, someone loves her still!

Don't be angry or afraid, that someone always will.

See, along this path will be bumps in the road,

But who has the time to squabble and forebode?

My list of concerns holds trivial, yet menial stuff.

How long is forever? Because I don't think it's enough.

Is breathing really necessary at all times of the day?

Every single glance, his smile takes it all away.

How can a flaw be a flaw when you love them more and more

As time goes on, it's what makes me so sure.

Perfection doesn't exist, because perfection is imperfect.

Stop hiding half of yourself, flawless isn't worth it!

From those cute little quirks that make my heart melt

To the way you express love, your passion is always felt.

There's no more words to say, but a few more will do.

I am absolutely, positively in love with you.

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
Konijn
Review
Konijn wrote a review · Sun May 31, 2015 11:55 pm

Tigerlilly here for a review!

My goodness, this made my heart leap! I love your word choice, it brings the mood about so perfectly its just incredible! I'm a total sucker for romantic poems, so I'm sorry if I'm ranting. I just can't find anything wrong... So, instead of pointing out things to change, I'm going to show you the specific things I enjoyed, if that's okay.

My favorite line was "From those cute little quirks that make my heart melt"
because I can most definitely relate. I love flawed people because it's their imperfections that make them beautiful, in my opinion at least.

I also really like the structure you have and the flow of the poem. The poem in general is just amazing... You described exactly how I feel about my own significant other without ever needing to know me, and that takes special talent.

Excellent work! I would love to read more of your works. Keep writing! :)

User avatar
Deleted4
Review

Hey joallover,


Awwwww this is such a cute poem! And a fabulous dedication to mush <3

I think, (although most people won't admit it) this poem is relatable to lots of people, on some level at least.

And I also love that this poem deals with happy emotions! They seem so few and far between, I think because heartache is a lot easier to open up about rather than being "absolutely, positively in love"! So a round of applause for writing from a lovely point of view of love ♡♥

Keep writing!
-theb00kthi3f

User avatar
Divya
Review
Divya wrote a review · Fri May 29, 2015 6:44 am

Hmmm... It's a good poem. It was emotional and throughout the poem you were so positive. Good to see that!
Well If I were to criticize something, I would say you add some more metaphors and similies into your poem. Your poem is very simple to read, not that there is something wrong with that, but you see, your poem should leave a deep impact on the person who reads it. People who read this should literally feel "Oh wow! she loves him unconditionally."
I can see your selfless love in the poem so don't get me wrong, make it a little more interesting. There is nothing wrong with your poem. It's good.

User avatar
EccentricRose
Review

Dear joallover,

Hello there! Eccentric Rose is here to review your work. I can't promise that I will be of any help, but I will try!

"We've fallen in love with wild notions abroad.

We will traverse this path, following from here on.

Some say we're foolish, and honestly, I agree, "

This is my favorite part of the poem. Especially the last line of it when you agree with them saying you are foolish! Foolishness isn't always a crime or a bad thing, I agree. ;)

I really like this poem, especially since I feel the sincerity in the words just by reading it. I'm sorry I couldn't be of anymore more help to you... but your poem really is beautiful!

Keep up the good work. You are a great author!

~Rose

User avatar
Firepower13
Review

Yo my name is Firepower and I'm here to be critical of your heartfelt emotions that you were brave enough to post on the Internet where anyone can get at them.

Mostly kidding! This is adorable!! I am not a fan of love poems on the basis they usually all sound the same, and yours does suffer from that at least somewhat, but there is genuine emotion in there. It's very nicely written and the rhyme scheme is nice and, from what I could tell, totally consistent.

I would remove the periods/exclamation points from the ends of most sentences for the sake of better flow (you could replace them with commas if you wanted, and the question marks are just fine as they are).

I think that's all bye!



The bird that would soar above the level plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings. It is a sad spectacle to see the weaklings bruised, exhausted, fluttering back to earth.
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening