Hey, AJ here!
This poem really touched me... I haven't experienced a loved one's death yet, but a good friend of mine's dad passed away a couple years ago, and it was a difficult funeral to attend. So I hate making critiques on this, but I suppose one must do so! So here we go...
- "You spent your years teaching as you played," I don't quite understand this line. I also think the flow is a little. You might consider clarifying and changing the wording a little bit.
- "No one around could name a better man," Maybe "no one here"? Since you're referencing the funeral, that might work better
- "Lay down, relax, rest your weary head" The relax doesn't seem to work. It has the idea of someone plopping down on their sofa after a hard day of work. Maybe a different word?
Actually, reading this makes me think of The Last Goodbye from the Hobbit... I really like this poem though! I think the wording could use a little work, but the message is beautiful.
Keep on writing, and Happy Review Day!
-AJ
Points: 7831
Reviews: 109
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