Slums of men are banished here
Around me, I showcase them to onlookers.
Passers by need pass through me,
Others, thugs, thieves and hookers.
I am the only credible passage
From here to up above
Only if you merit it, honour all love.
Nine rings of Hell await cheaters, liars,
Punishments severe
lie in wait for every sire.
I have known your sister, brother, mother,
I have lead them through this land of mine.
Perhaps they may have stayed,
You know not to where they shine.
Snake bites for politicians, liars buried alive,
Cheaters drifting alone forever,
Even those who strive.
Things of past
Count not in life,
But every crime done well
Has a special place cushioned right
In every part of Hell.
You have not known me, but
Death can know you still.
I am one who all who have lived,
Await to meet against all will.
I have many names,
Whatever is easier then.
One is more known than the rest,
I am known as the boatsmen.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,825 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
I like the mystery of the person you are describing. This sounds like a riddle. Your writing is very intriguing. The one line that sounded a little weird to me, was
"I am one who all who have lived"
Other than that, I really enjoyed you writing. Hopefully you continue creating poems and other pieces of work. I would love to read them.
Hello, happy review day!
Whilst I have not read Dante's inferno I still have a review for you. You keep up a constant rhyme scheme throughout which keeps the rhythm up for the reader. My only real nitpicks:
you do not need to capitalise the start of every line, it is unneessary. Stick to the punctuation that you have.
[b]Passers by need pass through me,
Others, thugs, thieves and hookers.[\b] I don't exactly understand the context of this. Do the pass go though you AND others ect... Or do they pass through others. I think the only reason I am confused is the capitalisation error.
Finally, when structuring your poem, I would advise that you spilt it up into stanzas. Doing this, you make the poem easier to read and take in.
Now on to the compliments. Like I said ealier I like how you kept a rhyme scheme of abcb and kept consistent wording that makes sense. I really like it when you say:
[B]But every crime done well
Has a special place cushioned right
In every part of Hell[\b]
The way that you used 'well' and 'cushioned' drags the reader into a false line of thought so you can catch them off guard in the next line. Nobody would picture hell being comfortable which makes the line more meaningful. The power that juxtaposition has on the reader is very strong, take this and use it more in either this or other poems. Grammar seems like it is consistent.
You did well, I enjoyed reading this
Well, that's all from me,
Godly
I will start off by saying I have not read Dante's Inferno so I was a bit lost. I can't comment on content because I have no right to. I also can't compliment the content so I apologize for that as well. My only suggestion is that you combine some of the lines because it creates unnecessary pausing.
"Punishments severe
lie in wait for every sire."
Maybe it was a content thing but I feel that's not necessary (then again who am I to say?) Also I noticed it here:
"Things of past
Count not in life,"
It's just a suggestion in regards to the flow of the poem. Anyways, I enjoyed reading!
Best wishes,
Emily
I appreciate your response, even if you couldn't say much about it! I had this piece for a while, not sure if I should post it for that reason, but again. Thanks!