I walk in plain sight
But I remain unseen.
Drenched, dripping rain
My senses no longer keen.
No one around
I’m no longer bound
My smile holds sheen.
.
Wind, rain
Snow and hail.
With those on my face
I cannot fail.
Dance in my blood
Stare as they should
My confidence can sail.
.
On a park bench
In the midst of a storm
I let another in,
An unfamiliar form.
One kiss is all it took
In myself, better, I look
Soon gone, my shield was torn.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,825 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
This is really good!
I just love the way that the words flow
I love the rhythm of it
My favorite lines are
"In the midst of a storm, I let another it, an unfamiliar form"
I don't know why I like it I just do
The imagery is scrumdiddlyumptious
Sorry, I used that for lack of a better word
I hope you continue to write good stuff like this!
This was amazing. The imagery is superb, and I simply love the slow release of information. Also I loved the structure of the poem: The rhyme scheme was perfect as usual, but the best thing is the continued comparison of happiness on a miserable day. Your singing in the rain.
This comes across better gradually through the poem.
The imagery as I mentioned earlier is up to your usual standard.
Also it conveys an aamazing sense of joy, it's almost as if you are dancing in the poem.
Amazing piece,
Take That You Fiend!
I love this!
I love the metaphors that you have used and I love the change and contrast from the beginning to the end of the poem and love the mood change.
Hey! XD
I like the metaphors and imagery in this work and they are very powerful.
This was my favourite part:
Because it incorporated a kind of pathetic fallacy in its own unique way.
The premise of this work is strong and rather typical of the romantic, kind of reflective genre, but you do it so well.
Carry on keeping calm and writing poetry.
This was great
~BSF
Hey there!
Nice poem! It gives a very different perspective on rain which is usually viewed as miserable and annoying.
In the last stanza you write:
"No longer as slight
I awake after night
Feeling myself as blessed"
I wasn't sure, is this suggesting that the entire experience was a dream? That you wake up from at the end?
Anyways, all in all, good poem. Short, but powerful.
By the way, I like your avatar!
~Hadj