Tone-deaf Clumsy girl

hi i really like this is a really good song ima read more later cuz i love all the stuff u do and you should post the songs from school cuz they are really good this does not even sound near to a taylor swift song so good job !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ya but i really like this its really good and me and you need to rewrite uper hand cuz it is still lost in a black hole lol so txt me later llama but ya i really like this song

Hello, Dasia!

The narrative of this song is very well done. And I really liked how you ended with the same phrase in each stanza. It's gentle yet effective reinforcement. It's an awesome technique to use, and you did it well!

I'll admit to not really feeling a good flow of the words. That said, you have a better idea of the music being used with this song. Just keep that in mind anyway.

One thing that I can say (and really, I can only think of one thing) is that it sounded repetitive. I'm thinking there wasn't enough differentiation between verses to keep me, as a reader/listener/ interested in the piece. You had some, which is an excellent draft for this song. I think just a little more could be done, however, to keep the listener interested.

I think the message behind it is pretty cool, though, and you certainly didn't stray from it. I wonder if there could also be better transitions into the "tone-deaf, clumsy girl" phrase used. A couple verses had it sound forced, so more attention to phrasing would probably help with the song overall.

After looking back, I think I also got an impression of going back and forth on perspective. Is the author currently a superstar, or are they dreaming of the day still? Are they still the silly kid with impossible dreams? And yet, parts of it jump back into the past instead as a celebrity. So maybe go back and check PoV as well to prevent confusion.

A nice song. I wish I could hear it! I think it would be fun to sing.

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Nice! I don't have a very good actual review, but I love the story behind the poem! The rhythm and flow felt weird in some places, so you should read it out loud a few times to make sure it flows well. Otherwise, great job.