Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,521 Literary Works • 672,596 Reviews
I like your song, when ever I read lyrics, I always sing them just to hear how they sound. I like how the chorus leads on to the next verse, I do that a lot with my poems. I don't like the ending. It's not that I don't like it persay, but I think it could be better. Cool song though.
Hi, Dasie! Yet another adorable song.
You know how to get me with the whole fairytale theme.
I think the first verse leading into the chorus is a little weird. The verse says the freaking love song reminds the listeners in general that the world is a fairytale, but the chorus uses a different comparison: The world is like a love song. That's different than the world being like a fairytale!
Then I got confused as to who the speaker is talking to. They were just talking about the world at first, so I assumed the speaker would go into that more. However, the second verse changes by talking about a specific person and how they're not a fairytale.
The linebreaks might be getting to me, but this verse feels awkward, particularly around the imagery/description. I actually wonder if it's distracting from the song.
So I think overall, the song kind of got away from the initial idea. There are two themes, I suppose, fighting for the spotlight in this song. When you go back, try to reorganize your ideas, pick one theme, and try to embellish the song off of that single message. No tangents!
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Hey there!
I happen to like this quite a bit. Many "artists" now try to capture "realistic" relationships and fail to actually include the realism part, but I think you managed to do so. I can see someone such as Taylor Swift (as princessofmisery said) singing this, or someone like Avil Lavigne. In the beginning, I thought it was going to be a song about some pissed off hormonal teen who is sick of love songs because they don't have "someone", but it turned out to be the opposite. You actually gave a reason for feeling the way you do, and the overall effect wasn't some ditsy pop-song. (nothing against pop, by the way - I love pop!) I like how the lyrics carry you through a subtle emotional rollercoaster, transitioning from angry, to a bit heartbroken, to strong at the end. Anyway, nicely done, keep up the good work!
~Epic
* Avril Lavigne, my mistake.
omg this is a really really good song but you still sound a little like taylor swift but this song is still better then most of her songs i still have not got to read all of your songs and stuff but i will later and you should posts the songs from school cuz the are really good and llama you are so good at this and we need to write a song to gather cuz we lost the two ones that we did do lol there lost in a black hole but this is a really really good song a i really really like it and ima go and read more of your songs later and u should do more happy songs like that one we did upper hand u should post that one well if we do ever find it lol but you are really really really awesome at this i wish i was as good as u llama well ima go read more of you awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee stuff byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me and Taylor Swift write about the same kinda things 50% of the time so yea. And I did say White Horse in the song lol
And you are as good as me!