His Princess

thanks you guys

Dasia!

JASKLDF;ASDF

This is absolutely ADORABLE. I LOVED this so much. Bravobravobravo! The imagery was beautiful, and the story was told so WONDERFULLY. One of your best works, I think! I'd have liked this if I were able!

The easiest way I could tell this was awesome was the fact that I got goosebumps after I read the piece. That's a good sign that it was very effective in its reading. So wonderful!

The only part I'm a bit iffy on is the simplicity of the middle part. All those mini little stanzas are very brief in telling the very important part -- the climax, if you will -- of the story. I feel that should get just as much significance as the other parts though, so if it's possible? Maybe elaborate on that more or rewrite it so it's just as well-written as the rest!

All in all, this was beautiful. Great job, Dasia!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Alright...I am not really much into criticizing ones grammatical error as long as I "feel" the message. All I can say is, on this writing I saw my childhood years and its a replica of my past. When you are tying to impress someone just to make them stay or keep you by their side. I know how it feels. Sparks already gave criticism on the punctuation and stuff. All in all, i like it because of the "connection"..It is worth reading. Thanks for the read Mari. -hugs-

Hi Das! Here to review!

He took it rough
when her momma died.
Hit Enter here
But she was there
like a shining light. < This should be one line
He took her shopping,
Even though he didn't understand <one line

her white Easter dress.
and saidEnter here
"Daddy, look now I'm a princess!"

He did his best ,
God did the rest.
and she turned out alright.
He raised her right
Rocked her through the night,
And she turned out just fine.

She graduated elementary,
Starting on a new journey.
The guys said;
"this stage is living hell."
With boys and friends,
And fights.
With God knows
what wasrunning through her head.

They were wrong,
She came home crying after one day. <one line
She said "Daddy, don't send me back to that place!"

Continuation from line before, no enter.The boys are rough,
The girls are mean,
They pick on me.

I just wanna stay here
with you Daddy,
You can teach me
I'll be good!
I'll study hard!
And prove them wrong."

He took her shopping,
even though he didn't understand<one line
When she talked about lace,
and a head band.
She spun around in her white wedding dress,
and said "Daddy, look now I'm a princess!"