*This story is underneath my folder titled “Alice and the aliens”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
Sage looked down at the metal trap door on the floor. It was there for her and the other members to use on missions, but only for that. Nobody was allowed to leave.
But Sage let Victoria leave, because she knew that the child hated taking blood away from others. Sage, Victoria and the others were all “absorption vampires” which meant that they had to touch someone in order to take their blood. Their captain, D9302, had created a group called “The Life Seekers” which meant that they would go to different planets and steal the life energy from them to grow more powerful.
The only member that actually joined was Evanna. Sage and Victoria were created by D9302 so that she could have more soldiers working for her. Evanna was the only one who believed in the cause. Sage let Victoria get away, she just had to leave when Evanna and D9302 were asleep.
At the moment, the aircraft was on autopilot. There would be an alarm sounding if the ship was under attack. There wasn’t any sound when Victoria got away, so maybe Sage could take a chance.
She knelt down and opened the trap door, carefully and slowly, so as not to make a noise. Everything was all quiet. Good.
Sage jumped into the infinity of space, hoping that she’d find Victoria and that they could both live peaceful lives as sisters, away from D9302 and Evanna.
Maybe better times would be ahead.
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138,680 Literary Works • 672,231 Reviews
Hi Creepy. Happy Valentines day review day. Im here on behalf of the Roses of Red which is a fitting color for your stories it do believe.
I feel like people automatically think of trapdoors as in the ground so the "on the floor" feels redundant to me. The second sentence is kind of confusing as well. Do they not leave when they go on missions? Or is the trapdoor like a drop off for bodies or sumthin? >.>
No, see, it's out into space, so i guess that makes sense why they wouldnt normally use it as theyre flying around? Hmm
I've been thinking for a while that condensing these stories into singular posts could really help readers keep track of them. These are such small snippets that if someone hasnt read other parts they probably wont even have enough to go on to understand who these other characters are, or what universe they're in, and so then people leave your works sitting in the Green Room for a long long time, not to mention that you just post so much it can be intimidating to keep up with whats going on when it's not more condensed and organized.
I know you review a ton and have a ton of points that you gotta do something with, but maybe think on it?
~Messy
Alrighty, and I have reached the most recent one. Feels nice to go in order :3
So this is abt Sage, the other defector.
I really like that you explain what absorption vampires are each chapter so it’s easier to get into them 😊
I find the choice of “them” in this sentence: “steal the life energy from them”, really odd. It feels like you might be better of with a more specific description. Like, remodel the entire sentence to be more descriptive and flowery 😊
I know you want to make a point abt how the ship didn’t do any alarm when Victoria left but this sentence: “There would be an alarm sounding if the ship was under attack” still feels like it doesn’t really fit into this paragraph. You already have a very similar sentence coming before it (word length, rhythm) so if you could mix it up here, it would improve the reader experience 😊
Glad that Sage also made it out the same day that Victoria managed it!