*This is part five of my series “Alice and the aliens”! The rest of the series is underneath my folder titled “Alice and the aliens”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*
Alice took five deep breaths, just like Mom taught her. She needed to calm down. She was surrounded by people who cared about her. She had freed Antionette. Melissa was with her. Everything would be fine.
“By order of Captain D9302, I, Evanna Griswold, am to open fire on your ship.” A woman’s voice declared in a speaker.
A silver, sleek, E-shaped aircraft floated menacingly in front of their own, like a Jack-in-the-box waiting to pop out.
Alice tensed up. A2614 squeezed her hand tightly. B392 rushed to the controls system, Rebecca and Muerte following close behind. Melissa only grinned, reveling in the idea of living the Sci-Fi movies she watched.
“I can take Jasmine back to Earth. The space air doesn’t affect me.” Sage spoke up.
Jasmine! The doll girl! She needed to be free again! The thought of the little doll girl reminded Alice of her own little sister who was still in the spaceship with her.
Alice turned to face Sage, a faint hope of happiness inside her, and said:
“That will be great! Take Melissa too, she needs it.”
“No I don’t! I want to see aliens, I want to see intergalactic wars, I want to stay!” Melissa argued. She stomped her foot, glaring at Alice as she did so.
Alice bent down to her level. She’d explain it to Melissa as gently as possible.
“You can’t stay because you could possibly die. I’d rather Mom and Dad have you than none of us at all. You have got to go and-“
A canon shot fired from Evanna’s ship, as loud as a firework. It missed only slightly.
Melissa looked up at Alice with wide, panicked eyes. While A2614 joined the other girls at the controls system, Alice took hold of Melissa’s hands and said:
“Go to Sage.”
Melissa nodded and let go. Alice watched as she ran towards Sage, who held Jasmine protectively in her arms.
Melissa will be home. Nothing bad will happen to her. She’ll be safer there.
Another shot fired, this time right at the ship. Alice was knocked off her feet, screaming as she hit the floor.
Aren’t the space vampires in Earth? Isn’t Melissa alive? Wouldn’t she be more prone to dying?
“MELISSA!” Alice called out.
Melissa turned back to her, raising an eyebrow in puzzlement. Sage and Jasmine were gone, presumably traveling to Earth.
“You…can’t leave yet…there are…space vampires in Earth…I’m sorry…I forgot…” Alice grunted as she got up from the ground.
“Oh. Okay.” Melissa said, shrugging.
How does she not understand the gravity of the situation? Alice thought to herself.
But that wasn’t important. She got from the ground. All she needed to do was help the others.
“Alice, quick! She’s going to fire again!” A2614 called out.
Alice rushed over, taking hold of a lever she thought would help once at the controls. She was a human, she didn’t know much about the buttons and levers, but it was better than standing and watching the fight go on.
“On three, we all press the purple button!” B392 exclaimed.
The purple button? Which purple button? There were several! B392 was counting slowly, but Alice didn’t hear her over the sound of her own heart beating rapidly as she surveyed the different buttons. She had only seconds to make the right choice.
“This one,” A2614 said softly, pointing to the purple button that was slightly larger than the others.
“It’s always the biggest one.” A2614 said with a smile.
Alice pressed hers, A2614 pressed his own, as did everyone else. From the front aircraft window, Alice could see a violet explosion erupt from their ship, targeting the hovering E. Faintly, Alice saw Sage and Jasmine, making a beeline towards Earth like an asteroid.
Isn’t Sage a space vampire? Doesn’t she know about Captain D9302’s crew? Why was she going to take Melissa anyway? Alice thought to herself.
Perhaps Sage had a good reason for it.
………………………………………………….
“Look! Evanna is floating!” Melissa called out, pointing to a black-bobbed woman in steel armor, floating from the rubble of her spacecraft.
“Good. Let her float. She interrupted our peace anyway.” Rebecca said.
Alice sometimes forgot that her friends were with her, so hearing Rebecca’s voice shocked and ashamed her. How selfish was she to think that her friends weren’t just as worried as she?
“We could take her with us.” B392 suggested.
“What?!” Everyone asked, all turning to look at her.
“She tried to kill us, why would we want her here?” Muerte asked, crossing her arms over chest.
“I like watching Evanna float to her death. She deserves it.” Rebecca said softly.
“I agree with the others. She works with the enemy!” Melissa pointed out.
“B392, this is unlike you. Why would-“
“To keep her as a war prisoner, duh. She can help us find the other ghosts, and then, she can help us find Captain D9302 and her crew! Don’t assume things.” B392 snapped, interrupting A2614.
Before A2614 could say another word, B392 directed the aircraft to Evanna, intent on taking her with them.
“All I did was push a button. I didn’t do much to help.” Alice said, thinking of how the others were at the controls while she was trying to send Melissa away.
“You don’t have to be a hero all the time. You being here is enough. I love you.” A2614 whispered gently, resting his head on her shoulder.
But why? Why did he love a human like her?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hey there, creeperfeverdreams! it's Cheerio with another review. I'll be using my Pumpkin Pie method as usual. Let's goooo!
The crust (the foundation of your story):
1. Great transition from the last chapter. It had me hooked and made me wonder how they would get out of the situation.
2. Alice recalling her mothers words was a sweet touch to the beginning.
3. Melissa just standing there smiling is such a mood. Love her.
The filling (the body of your story):
1. Alice trying to save her sister then realizing earth might actually be more dangerous for her is gold. Well done.
2. Not forgetting Alice's friends and giving them some dialogue is peak pro author. (Sometimes I have multiple characters and forget to give them dialogue. One time I finished a whole novel before remembering that I forgot about a character in episode 3, lol)
3. All of them pressing the purple button at the same time was a nice touch.
The whipped cream (everything I liked about your story):
1. Bryon telling Alice he loved her at the end was beautiful. Even if she wondered why. I loved that he told her. (I'm a sucker for romance, lol)
Overall, solid story. I'm very excited to continue reading this serious.
Your fellow writer,
Cheerio.
I%u2019m so glad you enjoyed! Did you read part four yet?
Hello there, one of King Koopa’s loyal henchmen, here!
Hello again! ~ Writing Commentary
I think this chapter helped me realize the true gravity of the situation here. The space vampires have essentially flooded the universe, I assume, including Earth, which could now very well be a dangerous place for our protagonists now.
This is a cute little moment, but I feel like there is more to Alice’s role here. I doubt every human has the ability to look into memories like that. Perhaps she is important because of such a thing? I am curious if it is actually her ability, or it is the ghost’s ability to convene with her to find some sort of “common ground”. Either way, Alice being empathetic is a good omen in this story.
Space fight! ~ Closer
Good chapter! I think I have a better understanding of your style and story as I am continuing!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression
I think this is quite a nice continuation from earlier. A small breather and relief but right away jumping into yet more trouble here and its on once again to try and survive it.
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Welp looks like the moment that poor Alice takes a moment to breathe and recover from the shock of everything that took place we've got an attack going down and it looks to be a pretty serious one too.
Oooh looks like Jasmine will get some hope too through that. Its setting itself up quite nicely there. Let's see where things shall takes us from here. Its shaped up quite nicely at the moment.
Well understandable wanting to remain part of the action but going back to Earth does seem like the smartest move here, especially with a big battle clearly about to break out with this threat to their ship.
Well here comes the explanation, we'll see if Melissa is able to understand and agrees to go ahead and do the safe thing here. It is very much a necessary things to go ahead with right now.
Well this is good, even as the attack is continuing unfortunately, and things are starting to get a little bit bad from the look of it all, it seems that that Melissa will be safe as she goes ahead there to be safe with Sage.
Welp, looks like things aren't going to be as safe as we initially thought, that's going to end up being a little bit of a wrench in the works here to say the least. We'll see what Alice does.
Well Melissa is going to be staying for the moment it would appear, we'll see now if they're going to be able to get out of this little situation with them still being actively fired upon. They haven't even attempted to return fire or run away so it looks like everyone's still processing what to do next.
Well looks like right as I say that they're finally mobilizing here and thinking of some sort of response. But we'll see where this is going to go. This purple button sounds like one of those hit when things go very, very wrong buttons.
Well that looks to be a convenient way to identify the buttons, glad that Alice didn't end up having to make a choice in the midst of situation this tense and was able to identify the correct one.
Well that's definitely something to consider there. Sage definitely is going places with that little secret. We'll see where exactly that is going to be headed here. Definitely a few questions to think about.
Well that's an interesting moment. Looks like a few exciting things went down here with a few betrayals and things taking place as well. That makes for quite the little moment. Definitely complicates a few emotions.
Well looks like that was definitely a very strong betrayal there to have everyone feeling this unanimously about her getting what she's due. You definitely get the feeling a lot of these people were good friends with her.
Well looks like B392 was also on the rest of the team's side, just not explaining their intentions right away there which definitely caused a fair bit of confusion there from the looks of it.
Well looks like a bit of a romantic moment to end on potentially. Definitely creates quite an intriguing little thought or two there. We'll see exactly how this is going to go down here.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
Overall
Overall I think this has been a wonderful bit of a climax almost. Looking forward to seeing how they go from here. Things are really shaping up to be quite interesting here.
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate
Hello Vampricone, Ellie right back to review another lovely chapter
I liked how you described Alice trying to take five deep breaths to relax and calm herself down. My recommendation would be to add some more descriptions of this moment, perhaps something like "In. Out. She breathed deeply, trying to calm her nerves, just like how her mother taught her when she was younger. In and out."
I love the 'silver and sleek' alliteration that you used here. That really adds a lot to the descriptions and flows nicely off of the tongue. You do a wonderful job describing the aircraft and comparing it to a jack in the box. I love how you combine that clown horror genre with this story. Your writing style really shines through, which is wonderful! Great work!
I liked the last sentence you used in this piece:
Engaging questions! Great work! Overall, I am looking forward to reading more of this story and I loved all of the metaphors and descriptions/comparisons you used. Keep on writing!!
Your friend,
Ellie