*This story is underneath my folder titled “Alice and the aliens”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1320. Enjoy!*
Muerte was a sixteen year old girl who loved to shop with her friends, Alice and Rebecca. She also liked making her own beaded bracelets and giving them to said friends.
She liked her name, but sometimes, she wished that she wasn’t literally named after death, because people at school would take that as an opportunity to make very corny, unfunny jokes about how her name was different from her personality. It was annoying. It wasn’t needed.
Muerte wished that something more interesting could happen where she lived so that the people making the jokes would find something else to distract themselves with. Maybe it’d enrich them. Maybe it’d excite her.
Because as much as she loved creating, it wasn’t always enough to entertain her.
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140,268 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
Hi again! Hope you're not sick of me yet XD
Just a short review of your short piece!
This is a great introduction and sets up some mystery as to what is coming next. We learn a little about Muerte - awesome name - and her life.
I just noticed here you made a typo with Muerte's name:
Also here:
I wonder why her parents named her after death? Maybe explaining that reasoning, and having her disagree with it would give her some more personality, or maybe she talks about what name she would rather have. I'd also like a bit more detail, though I know this is supposed to be a short introductory piece. What does she like to buy when she goes shopping? Why does she like making bracelets? What are her friends like? This sort of information helps open up her character and world a bit more, without giving too much away and keeping the mystery.
I really like this! It sets up the intrigue and mystery, foreshadowing that something will happen. Looking forward to reading more!
Thx! Glad you enjoyed!
And one more review for today ^^
I think I will read the other story tmr tho!
Hm I feel like the first paragraph doesn’t really tell us what the snippet will be about. I feel like usually you do a better job at explaining the character’s deal here ^^
Well I think that might have been intentional since nothing much really happened here? Muerte only got to reiterate that her name annoys her and that she might have accidentally caused all the stuff that happens by wishing on the wrong star XD
The closing sentence also could use a bit more punch. Especially the “always” really weakens an already rather non-descript final proclamation.
Keep writing and have a great day!
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