*This story is underneath my folder titled “Alice and the aliens”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1155. Enjoy!*
There was once a sixteen year old girl named Rebecca, who had long hair that she dyed white and who didn’t like to say much to people. It wasn’t like she was afraid of them or anything, just that she didn’t feel like speaking to them. They weren’t her friends, so why would she waste so much effort on them?
Her friends were two girls the same age as her, two girls she had been friends with ever since she was little. There was Muerte, who loved to draw just like her and there was Alice, who loved shopping and wanted to find a boyfriend, as if that would somehow complete her life.
All three of them were rather terrible at forming relationships outside of their own circle, though. Perhaps there was an energy to them that made others propel away from them. Maybe they were all too weird for romance.
Though this made Alice upset, Rebecca would suggest that the three of them watch a movie at her house (her house had the biggest TV), and everything would be better again!
Rebecca loved the quiet excitement between her friends and hoped that it would continue on forever, for the one thing that she feared besides death was being alone.
But maybe dying and being alone wasn’t so different.
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hello!
This is a great little segment, I definitely see a lot of myself in the characters. First paragraph in and I already agree with the MC. Interacting with people you're not friends with can be so annoying sometimes. However, friendship and being with other people is very important to me, and I feel like you did a great job or portraying that feeling.
Grammatically, I only see one mistake: a missing comma between "her" and "and" in the second paragraph.
I also love the darker tones that you go into at the end, talking about death and loneliness. I'd love a continuation of this story.
Good job, and happy review day!
Thx for your review and suggestions!
Hi again! I really loved this! This is a great way to introduce characters and their relationships. Even though this was really short, I think you managed to fit a lot of heart into it. I got a good sense of the trios dynamic, although it was mostly told from Rebecca's perspective.
I also really liked how you wrapped up the ending. This was a great way to convey both what Rebecca loves and fears most, while keeping it very short. I'm excited to see what you do with this:)
Thank you for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your work!
You%u2019re welcome!