*This story is underneath my folder titled “Alice and the aliens”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Somniat Memoria is the name of the home planet in this story and it means “Memory dreams” in Latin. Now, enjoy!*
“Do we have to go to all of these planets?” Victoria asked as she stared at the glowing string of planets in space, seeming to pulse with a life of their own.
Victoria was “born” from a machine created by Captain D9302, a machine that used the blood of other living creatures and the Captain’s own magic to create her. Like Captain D9302 and everybody else in the aircraft, Victoria was an absorption vampire, a vampire who sucked blood from living creatures not by using her teeth, but by simply touching them.
But Captain D9302 organized a group of absorption vampires she called “The Life Seekers”, with the idea that they would go to other planets and use the technology in the spaceship to suck the blood of living beings, without ever stepping outside. Captain D9302 already killed a few citizens in her home planet, Somniat Memoria, but she was aiming for more and so, the E-shaped aircraft was headed towards planet Earth.
The little six year old girl, Victoria, did not see how taking every life was going to make everything better, because from what one of the other absorption vampires, fourteen year old Sage, had described to her of the blood being taken away, it sounded painful, like the victims’ bones were twisting and turning beyond what they were supposed to do, and couldn’t they take blood without killing so many? That seemed a little excessive and violent to her.
“It’s not about if we need them, Victoria. Captain D9302 wants us to drink the blood of any creature we can find. Who knows, she might just go back to Somniat Memoria and kill everyone except her parents and some of the other soldiers’ parents. She’s intent on conquering all that she can.” Sage said, squeezing Victoria’s shoulder in what she imagined to be an attempt at reassurance.
Victoria turned her head towards Sage, trying to find any hint of uncertainty in her blue eyes, like the kind that was pulling at her heart and lurking in her mind. Sage looked mostly calm, but her eyes seemed miserable.
“I just…I feel bad about hurting people. I know that we have to, but it seems like a lot. Can’t we find other ways to live? Less horrible ways?” Victoria asked.
Sage sighed, then she said:
“We can always eat small animals and rodents of our planet. Not too much to the point where they become extinct, but enough for us to live. We could always do that, but Captain D9302 doesn’t want to. She thinks the blood of beings close to our own intelligence and awareness taste better and she won’t hear about doing anything else. Believe me, I’ve tried changing her mind.”
So that was it? Victoria was just going to have to brutally murder people? She was only the second absorption vampire that Captain D9302 artificially created, Sage being the first and she had never had to kill anyone before. Could she handle it? Would she be able to go about her life without any worry haunting her? Would-
“If it really bothers you to do this, then you can leave. I’ll try to come and find you later, but if I don’t get to you soon, then find a planet to land on and eat the life sources there. You can get a new life somewhere else. Maybe a better one.” Sage said.
She then let go of Victoria’s shoulder and walked over to one of the doors and scanned her hand over a screen, making the door slide open.
“But what if she gets mad that I’m gone? What if she wants to hurt more people? What if I die? What-“
“Captain D9302 is going to be upset with me because she’ll suspect me of getting you to leave, but she’s not going to focus on finding you. She’s too busy trying to map out which planets to steal blood from to look for you. Also, you’re not going to die, because you’re not human and your body is accustomed to space. You’ll get protective pink fire around you, but nothing bad will happen.” Sage said.
Her eyes looked like they were glistening to tears, like she’d burst into sobs at any moment. Victoria felt her mind tumble with all the terrible things that might possibly be waiting for her if she ventured out to space, but the thought of hurting a living being like how she heard Captain D9302 do it brought about the grasp of white-hot fear even more and so, she ran towards Sage and hugged her fiercely before jumping into the stretch of stars.
Just like Sage said, protective pink flames tickled her skin, not scarring her in the slightest, as Victoria plunged into what she hoped was freedom.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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And another one from this folder!
Hm the name Victoria is familiar…Right she was one of the Life Seekers who defected! I remember!
Aha and I also remember a different story of this ‘verse that I reviewed earlier, where I mentioned that it feels wasteful that the orange light absorption technique kills instead of just…. drains. Glad that Victoria kinda agrees with that assessment!
And it’s probably not sustainable…
Oh man, how did D9302 even become Cpt if she’s this stubborn? Also curious that she doesn’t have a name, just a number.
I love how Victoria chooses her own path. I really like it when characters actually rebel against needless evil instead of becoming disillusioned!
She picked herself as Captain and then picked others to follow her rule. I%u2019m thinking of giving them all actual names someday instead of using numbers but for now, there are numbers.
Thx for reading!
This is a creative and emotional sci-fi story about a young vampire questioning her violent purpose aboard an alien ship. Short but impactful
geometry dash lite
Hey, creeperfeverdreams! It's Cheerio! I'm here to review this wonderful story. I'm going to review it like it's a delicious fall pumpkin pie. Yum, let's get started!!!
The Crust (the foundation of your story):
1. The way you introduce your characters didn't feel forced or overdone. It started with a question from Victoria, which was a nice way to bring us into it.
2. We're introduced to your character's world and how things work for them. (eg. What kind of creatures they are, what they eat, etc.)
3. Right away, we see Victoria has a different mindset from the others. She would like a less violent way of obtaining the blood. That makes her character different from the others and sets her apart.
The Filling (The heart of the story):
1. Straight away, we are faced with a problem. Victoria doesn't like how violently they're collecting the blood, and she feels that the creatures they're taking it from are suffering too greatly.
2. Alice tries to help her come to a solution (she's a really great friend for that), which gives us a kind of tension.
3. Victoria has to make a decision. This part kept me hooked and wanting to know what she would do.
The whipped cream (the little extras that you added that made it feel complete):
1. Absorption vampires? That's so cool. I audibly said, "ahhh...." when I read the description. Well done.
2. The pink fire around her to keep her safe was also very cool.
Overall, this piece was very well written, and I look forward to reading the rest in this series. Great job writing. (Side note: Some sentences could be made shorter for better readability)
Again, great job.
God bless,
Cheerio.