*This story is underneath my folder titled “Alice and the aliens”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
In a planet called “Somniat Memoria”, where everything was in a blissful, dream-like haze, there lived an absorption vampire called Evanna.
Like all absorption vampires, Evanna did not drink blood by sinking her teeth into someone’s flesh. No, she got blood just from absorbing away the blood of her victim by touching their skin. It was something that she, her Mom, and her Dad had done all their lives, something that they had never minded, something they hardly thought about.
Until, that was, sometime in her twenties, when word got out that an absorption vampire called “D9302”, had created aircrafts that could take blood from emanating an orange light onto its targets. It would be a slow death for the prey, making them twitch every little part of their body, but, supposedly, it was “better than the inconvenience of touching their skin”.
D9302 was creating a group of absorption vampires called “Life Seekers”, a group that would take the blood of whomever they wanted from the planet, then work their way up to conquering other planets and other galaxies. The idea behind it was that they deserved “more and better”, that they deserved “the world”.
Evanna was rather curious about the new technology and thought that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if she joined the group. Sure, creatures didn’t like the idea of dying, but death happened, and the taste of other beings had its appeal. Evanna always wanted to know the flavor of other life forms.
Her Mom worried that the technology wouldn’t work, her Dad worried that she’d get hurt on the journey, but Evanna said to them both: “I won’t know unless I try and as for getting harmed? Ha! These creatures will be fearing me! I could never possibly get hurt because I and the Life Seekers are invincible! Besides, beings like us are what bring destruction. We don’t face it.”
They had their doubts, they didn’t seem to trust her words, but she had paid them no mind and met up at D9302’s camp one day, proving what she was by taking the blood of a leathery, catlike creature with purple skin called a Skilter, something that could influence those near it to have dreams splashed in colliding colors and not quite following a cohesive order, and then, once she had proved that she was a space vampire just like D9302, she let Evanna into the camp with clear instructions to board a ship and once boarded, never stop pressing the creamsicle-colored button, because that button would emit the orange light and the orange light would take blood.
As Evanna went off to search for one of the E-shaped aircrafts to board on, she couldn’t stop a smile from creeping up on her lips.
She couldn’t wait to taste so many different blood flavors, couldn’t wait to see such a pretty light bring her such lovely food!
Evanna would tell her parents all about it on the phone system of the ship.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Hach, I really like the first sentence. It tells me so much that I need to know about this story and I am so here for it!
Maybe it’s the repetition or maybe it’s that it’s a bit too tell not enough show. Just strikes me as… unfitting.That said, I feel like this sentence doesn’t quite fit with the two that came before:
Like the idea of “better than the inconvenience of touching”. That is saying something! Makes me wonder if they HAVE to drain all the blood or if they could just …cruise around and absorb here and there. Would potentially improve their image if they don’t leave the ppl drained and weak?
…I feel like with how short the story is, you really don’t need to add so much description on the Skilter. It isn’t the focus here and so it would have worked to just show that she drained some poor small critter to show that she’s worthy!
Thanks for your comment! ^v^
Hello. I'm here to write a review about this wonderful story. Let's dive in! (I'll be using my very own Pumpkin Pie style to review this story)
The Crust (the foundation of your story):
1. Evanna is introduced to us in a very timeless and classic way (I like it).
2. I like that you always explain everything so that no matter if you start with this story or with Victoria-Alice and the aliens, you always know what's going on.
3. World-building is well done for this story. Good job.
The filling (the body of your story):
1. I always love to know a character's reason, or, as I like to call it, big why, for doing something. Evanna's was clear. She wanted to taste new blood and was curious about the technology.
2. Her conversation with her parents give us a good type of tension. We can clearly see that her parents are concerned about her going. But Evanna believes in her ability completely (yass, queen!)
The whipped cream:
1. Great story. That's literally it. lol. I always love following your work because you have everything connected in very interesting and intricate ways.
Great story. I'll see you on the next one.
~ Cheerio.