Seventeen.
It ends in less than a month.
I'll be eighteen.
My teen years-
They were bitter sweet.
I wish I could,
Try again?
I wish I wasn't so..
miserable?
stressed?
scared?
alone?
ugly?
sad?
Maybe my future will be brighter.
I hope.
I can't believe it's almost over.
I'm scared.
Really scared.
My mom says:
"It's fine"
It's not fine.
Oh, seventeen!
I could never tell anyone
What I've seen.
I don't want them to worry.
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140,523 Literary Works • 673,296 Reviews
Hello. This is a nice poem. Good job!
I want to let you know that I do not really know much about writing poetry, but I will review as a reader and as a part of your audience.
I think you did a good job with word choice and your sentence structures are pretty good. There is something I don't get,
"I wish I could,
Try again?"
What is this saying? Are you not sure if you want to try again? If so, what is the comma doing there? I think this is just confusing and doesn't get the point across without reading it multiple times.
Other than that one line, this sounds really good! Keep up the great work! I would love to read more from you!
Hello, King here for a short review.
I think I do not have a lot to say about this work, something negativr and bad, I meant, of course.
I really like the main idea and theme of this work of yours. Many of us can relate to us, even if younger. I am still not that old (seventeen,eighteen), but I can deeply and emotionally relate to this poetry.
Maybe the way some lines are longer and unbalanced from other, kinda ruins it for me, but still a personal opinion?
I think you could be more detailed about the way you feel. I understand what you think of and what you feel, but more details are no bad here, in this poetry.
The only thing I want to correct here:
I wish I could,
Try again?
To
I wish I could,
try again?
I think there is nothing else. Really emotional poetry and clear message towards the readers. Keep on writing.
Hey!
I am just fifteen but can still relate to the dread you are describing in this beautifully penned poem of yours.
I won't comment on the format as the title and description says it is a "ramble" poem.But still, mind you, it is a bit weird. But never mind as this is just my straight point of view.
I like your one word system. I actually appreciate it. But when you decide to follow an odd format and the theme is exclusive, just like yours. I advice you to at least add a sensible rhyme scheme to give your poem just an essence of a poem. Not saying that it doesn't sound a poem but it would sound better if you rhymed it.
Secondly, just before you decide to edit this poem i want you to reconsider your thoughts and put them in a better way. I understood that you want to convey the mixed emotions of growing into and adult as misery but also the happiness of the rough teen years which are now leaving you but you don't want to leave them though they dread you. And we can sense this from poem, but i just want you to make it a bit more self centered. I bit more emphatic.
That's my opinion of your poem. But despite everything let me tell you that the theme you've chosen is AWESOME, I actually feel like singing it out to some kiddos who want to grow up!!
All the best..
loves..