Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
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140,071 Literary Works • 672,991 Reviews
Allo. Have been looking for who I want to give my 1,150 review to.
Of course, I hardly ever review lyrics, so take this with a heaping tablespoon of salt.
I like this. The tune had some prominence in the canter, and the flow moved along fairly well.
The one thing I'm torn on is the repetition of "like a good older sister". This is where the tablespoon of salt shows up— I'm genuinely not sure if that's a typical thing in songs. I've seen some songs where there's a lot of repetition, but it tends to feel like there's more to the actual verses when that happens.
As a result, there is a certain lack of meat to this work. Now, I could be grossly mistaken and this critique can be thrown out.
I find the lyrics really come together at the end, and maybe some of my lack of... getting the song, earlier on, is I'm not sure who the focus is at the beginning but it does draw clear at the end, with the focus being the older sister. I feel the transition between the two subjects could be a bit smoother, maybe fixed by more in the verses? But up to you.
Overall, this feels like a useless review, haha. You wrote a piece that made me think, which means it'll probably sneak up on me in five years and I'll go "I never should've asked this be polished" because the raw edges are what make me remember it.
It would maybe help to have a genre of music so I can better picture the tune.
Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions or comments!
~Rosey
This is an amazing song it's really good.
The only things that I see wrong is your capitolization in your I's and at the beginings of sentences there isn't much I would change.
It should also be wrote out in song form.
Other then that I think it is absolutly amazing and very heartfelt I loved ever bit of it.
I hope you keep writeing cause I would love to more of your work.
good luck on future writeings I really hope to see much more from you it was amazing I loved it and it should be made into more then just lyrics. all the best wishes to you and have a nice day.
Hey there!
I don't understand what you mean by "wrote out in song form". Can you clarify for me?