-text removed-
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,036 Literary Works • 672,919 Reviews
Hello there Arkhaion! The Silent Bagpipe has come to review some of your work.
First off let me just say I am not a very good reviewer, therefore don't spot to many grammar mistakes. I am more of an inspirational reviewer, except this time it was what I was reading that inspired me instead of the other way around. Your work was really really well written and it sparked me in such a way, making me want to write now! Thank you for that!
Onto the review - I noticed you didn't have much periods, commas, ect. Maybe, I suggest you reread your work and just try and fit some of that stuff where it is needed =)
Your lyrics made me want to tear up, they were cute and adorable. I loved them. As I read them I felt the emotion flowing so well. It was an amazing feeling and I am so jealous at how well they flowed together xD
Anyways, keep writing, and I look forward to reviewing more of your stuff!!
~Selina
p.s. - Thanks for the inspiration!
I don't have many periods or commas because I don't ascribe to sentence punctuation when I'm writing lyrics. This is partially because I believe the pauses will come naturally, especially as they're meant to be sung/read in a specific way, which implies the pauses given by periods and commas.
Thanks for your review, though.
Oh, okay . sounds good
welcome
Hey! Firebird99 here for a review!
~Happy Review Day~
So first off, I myself don't write poetry or lyrics so I may not be much help there. I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed this poem. It kind of saddened me and made me miss my dad. He is in the hospital right now and it doesn't look like he'll be out for a week or so. He's already been in the hospital for over a week now. I'm missing him a lot. Especially his sense of humour. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that it flowed very nicely and there was a lot of emotion put into the song. I really like it. Great job!
FireBird99
Best wishes for you and your dad, definitely <3
Thank-you =). He might be coming home this week! Yay!
fantasydragon01 in the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never give up.
Great job on your poem. I really liked it. The rhythm, beat, and words were fantastic! I like the concept of the story. It is so touching. I cannot really explain it, but it is touching. Heartbreaking, though. You wished you said goodbye, but it was too late, even though it was not too late.
What is this story about? What is this supposed to teach? I would love to know the answers, because this is amazing. Sometimes, you have to go deep in thought to find out what your story is about. Think. Just think. It must have some meaning. Either it is there or I'm going crazy.
Good luck and keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01.
Actually, I don't really have to think about what this is about. Mostly because I already know -- this is about how I feel about my dad leaving us, my parents getting divorced, and how I wrote my dad off as basically dead to me and I wish I could go back on that, at least so I could talk to him one last time and apologize and say goodbye. I never really did.
Fire here, a fellow Stitch, come to review for review day!
First off, I must warn you, I'm not the greatest with poetry or lyric reviewing, but I'll do my best.
You can defiantly tell there's a lot of emotion in this piece. I may or may not have teared up a bit. *blushes* I reeeeally liked this piece. It has a lot of heart, like I said earlier, but that just really stood out to me.
"The stars will always spell your name"
That was beautiful imagery, and a fantastic line. You had a lot of great imagery here, but this really stood out.
Another reason I liked this was because it makes you think. Makes you think of what it would be like if you lost someone, if you felt kind of empty and alone. At least that's what I picked up in this.
One quick nitpick, the only one I saw.
'The night will fall but the sun will rise in the morning'
I don't know, but to me this line seems a bit lengthy and awkward for the piece. I might shorten it to 'The night will fall but the sun will rise'. 'in the morning' seems a little unnecessary.
Other than that one thing, I think this is perfect. Great job.
-Fire