~*~*~
Kill…Kill… Darkness… Khor’s head was still swimming. He knew where he was... On a hard sheet of rock... But his body and mind was telling him he was in a comfortable bed and was covered in warm sheets.
He wanted to open his eyes but his head told him he needed more sleep. He opened his eyes widely and soon snapped then shut again because of the sharp light that had streamed in.
He opened his eyes slower this time. A swirling, grey thing was hovering over him. It gasped and Khor launched out of his bed and landed behind it. He pulled on its neck with his arm and saw several more of these things floating around that were now looking at him.
He saw two ones, one with red-grey mist and the other blue-grey. A human was standing next to them and the one in red said something smartly to the human. He also noticed the human was wearing a dark blindfold.
He squeezed on the thing’s neck harder and said
“Where am I!” He was addressing the entire room but the blindfolded one answered.
“Put him down Khor!” How does everyone know my name? He squeezed harder and the thing gave out a gasp and clawed at Khor’s arm.
Now Khor noticed he was wearing a simple white shirt and pants. “Where are my things?!” He shouted.
“Khor! Put him down now!” Replied the blindfolded person harshly. Khor backed up slowly and looked behind him. No one was there. He backed up faster and the three figures followed him. “Stay back or I’ll snap his neck!”
They discontinued the persuit and stood there. Khor could feel sweat roll down from his forehead and wiped it on his arm. “Where are my things!!! Melden! My gear! Where are they?!”
“Gyth?” Replied the human turning towards the red-grey figure.
“Well for heaven’s sake! Don’t give the mad man my name!”
“Where!!!” Screamed Khor. The three shook with the violence in his tone.
“In the armory, fourth floor.” Replied the blue-grey one.
Khor turned around and then carried the grey-thing out of the room backwards. The three other ones followed. “Stay back! Or I’ll kill him!” The three still followed yet slower. Khor eventually made it to the fourth floor, screaming at other grey-things to get out of his way.
He found a large metal door with a large door knob. While keeping one eye on the following party and one on the kidnapped, he kept one arm around the neck of the grey-thing and reached behind him to twist the doorknob. The door opened with a long creak and Khor stepped inside. He snapped the door shut and quickly saw there was no lock.
He dropped the grey-thing who gasped for air the second he did and fell to the floor. Khor grasped a nearby chair and wedged it under the doorknob. He turned around and saw many lockers. “!” He said. The grey-thing was trapped in a yellow force field.
He neared the long row of lockers on both walls and said “!” This meant to unlock or undo. The lockers flew open and he could see many weapons, armor and equipment. He scanned the lockers and soon found his normal clothes, Melden and equipment belt. He took off the normal clothes he was currently wearing and donned the freshly washed and cleaned shirt, jacket, pants and belt. He checked the belt and noticed a set of cleaned kunai and shuriken.
He easily tied Melden to his belt and scanned the rest of the lockers. He found a lightweight armor that consisted of flat rocks smaller than his smallest finger nail. They were bound together by chin and the full shirt contained many layers of this design.
He slipped it on underneath his regular black shirt and found solid, notched leggings which he tied on quickly under his pants. And over that he found a pair of black boots which fit tightly on his legs.
He drew Melden and noticed how carefully they had polished it. It gleamed in the light streaming in through the window. Then he noticed the window. He gazed out and gasped. There was nothing. Merely swirling, white, never ending land.
He returned his attention to the fidgeting door and checked to make sure the grey-thing was still in his cage. He removed the chair violently and a large amount of grey creatures fell in on top of another. Khor jumped over them and ran down the hallway. At the end was a window, next to a set of stairs. He dove and crashed straight thought the window. He fell for a long while and landed on the swirling ground, hard.
He looked up and saw the man with the blindfold. He had long, silver-blue hair and soft features. “I don’t know who you are but if you don’t get out of my way I’ll have to kill you!” The man seamed unfazed by this threat and summoned two silver swords just like the man with the black cloak had summoned. They floated just out of reach of the man’s grasp. He twirled them and screamed “Come on then!” Then Khor recognized his voice. It was the man in the black cloak. The man who killed everyone in the entire city.
Khor drew Melden and ran towards the man. He stood his ground and parried Khor’s first blow and brought his other sword down. Khor barely managed to get Melden in the sword’s path and then he slid Melden up the length of the silver sword.
The man swung across his other sword to met Khor before he could attack him. Khor jumped over the guy and landed behind him. Khor jabbed at him with Melden and the man fell on his face to avoid the blow.
He rolled over on his back and thrust his sword up to met Khor. Khor jumped back and jumped to jab downward at the man. The man rolled out of the way and quickly got to his feet. Khor ripped Melden from the ground and ran at the man.
Khor jabbed at him and the man used a side parry and then jabbed with his other sword. Khor jumped shortly and pushed off of the jabbing sword. The man brought up both swords the met Khor in the air and Khor jabbed Melden in between the two swords and twisted them to get them disorganized.
When Khor landed the man brought around both swords viciously and Khor fell on his back to avoid being slashed. Khor pushed off of the ground with his hand and tried to kick the man with his feet.
The man whipped his head back and saw Khor fly past him. Khor’s eyes met the blindfold on the man then he landed behind him. He whipped around and thrust one of his silver swords towards Khor.
He fell backwards and regained his balance and ran below the sword towards the man. He brought Melden up and the man moved to the side and brought across the other sword at Khor.
Khor parried the blow and jabbed at the man furiously. He dodged the blows faster than Khor could attack. He thrust both swords towards Khor. He moved sideways and slipped between them.
Khor ran down the line and brought up Melden. The man brought the two swords together and Khor jumped out of the way. In the air the man thrust up a silver sword and Khor parried. When he landed they were about to continue when a voice came clear and agitated, “Stop! Stop this now!” Khor and the man looked away and saw the blue-grey man drifting over, looking very ruffled.
The man refolded the swords and bowed to the blue-grey man. The grey-thing bowed back and addressed Khor. “Why are you doing this?! We let you into our home and offer only peace and then you kidnap one of our nurses and break our windows! What have you got to say for yourself?!”
Khor looked completely confused. “You forced me to be here!” At this, the red-grey thing came up and the blue-grey one looked at the man with the blindfold.
“I was under the impression that you came here on your own free will.” Replied the blue-grey one still staring at the man with the long hair.
“I said he was the mission. I however was under the impression he was going to be civilized.” The man with the blindfold replied and looked at Khor. Khor looked at the blue-grey thing and bowed, thinking he was someone important.
“I apologize. You have obviously done nothing wrong. And I thank you for giving me shelter. I am sorry about your window. But I was not expecting to find this murderer here. Wherever here is.” With this statement the red-grey thing looked completely flummoxed.
“Murderer?! Vathen? I’ve known him to use violence where violence is not necessarily needed but. I never thought!” He looked baffled at, who apparently was Vathen.
“My friend. Follow your heart. You’ve known me for a very long time. And all of a sudden you believe this boy who attacks your people and destroys your property?”
The red-grey thing looked as if he was thinking it over.
“You are right my old friend. I apologize for ever believing false lies about you. Apparently our friendship is not as strong as we had thought.” After saying this he bowed to Vathen.
Khor now understood that these grey-things weren’t keeping him here against his will. And, as hard as it was to believe, Khor had come to realize that Vathen, or the man in the black hood, was not an enemy either.
“I apologize to you to, Vathen. I lost my head. When enemies close in all around you seem to see only enemies.” Vathen nodded in response. “Now, can I ask you something?” Vathen nodded again, “What did happen to everyone in Cyte?”
Vathen lowered his head and replied, “Someone stole all the moon pendants from the citizens when they went to sleep. In other, easier words, they won’t come back. They are trapped in a foreign world and can never return. If they have been going there every seven months, I can only pray that they know how to survive in that harsh world. The Krashvok will not go away until the people come back.”
“Krashvok?” Asked Khor and the blue-grey thing together.
“The things that looked dead. The ones that came in place of the citizens. Those horrible creatures can kill a grown man with a single shriek.”
“Well it’s a good thing their mouths are stitched shut.”
“Not even magic can stop the cry of the Krashvok. Only the most powerful spell can stop the cry. And not even I have that much knowledge.”
After talking for a while Khor, Vathen, Jlk, and Gyth went back inside and had a cup of tea. It was awkward, sitting down and having a nice treat with people he had tried to kill only a few moments ago. He attempted to ignore it however. He discovered Vathen was not the evil villain he had thought he was.
After tea and crackers a grey-thing took Khor to his room on the second floor. When he entered he saw a simple white bed and a wooden desk. The room also contained a window. He walked up to it and looked out once more on the endless swirling land.
There were several thousand grey-things scattered all around. He retreated from the window and walked over to the dresser. He opened the drawers and found clothes similar to the ones he was wearing when he had awoken earlier.
Khor still had very many questions. What are all these grey-things and where am I? At least I know I’m not in any danger, but… The door opened and Vathen stepped in. “Comfortable?” He asked simply. Khor nodded.
“Good.” He walked over to the window and said. “This is Yeseve. The spirit world. All of those grey-things are spirits that have passed on into Yeseve. Yeseve is also the name of this building. The only haven in the never-ending, swirling world.
“What about Gyth and Jlk?” Asked Khor.
“Yes. They are the kings of Yeseve. They attempt to maintain peace and happiness in this turbulent world.” Khor nodded to show he understood.
“So, where are we going after we’re finished resting in Yeseve?” Vathen remained silent and walked towards the door. “We will stay here for six more days. After that we must leave.” He left the room and Khor watched him go. There will always be secrets. Khor gazed out at the swirling scenery once more and then went back down stairs.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Yeah, I agree that the fight scene needs some work but generally I liked this part.
But his body and mind [s]was[/s] were telling him he was in a comfortable bed and was covered in warm sheets.
He opened his eyes widely and soon snapped [s]then[/s] them shut again because of the sharp light that had streamed in.
He took off the[s] normal[/s] clothes he was currently wearing and donned the freshly washed and cleaned shirt, jacket, pants and belt.
The man [s]seamed[/s] seemed unfazed by this threat and summoned two silver swords just like the man with the black cloak had summoned.
The man swung across his other sword to meet Khor's before he could attack him.
He rolled over on his back and thrust his sword up to meet Khor's.
Khor jabbed at him and the man used a side parry and then [s]jabbed[/s] stabbed with his other sword. Khor jumped shortly and pushed off of the [s]jabbing[/s] advancing sword. The man brought up both swords [s]the[/s] to meet Khor in the air and Khor [s]jabbed[/s] slammed Melden in between the two swords and twisted them to get them disorganized.
“I was under the impression that you came here [s]on[/s] of your own free will.”
“I apologize to you too, Vathen. I lost my head.
Khor gazed out at the swirling scenery once more and then went back [s]down stairs[/s] downstairs.
Mmm... Cheerios... But really! Thnx for the crits. Its really hard to compose the perfect fight. I have it all in my head but its hard to tranfer that fast movement onto paper. Or in this case, computer screen. Whatever...
Cheerios...
~Pol
Overall, good and exciting. I think, though, that Khor realizes that Vathen is not his enemy too soon. What changed his mind? Nothing that I could see really changed mine. Vathen is cool, but up until that moment, you're not sure whether he's good or bad. To change so quickly is...kind of awkward.

The fight...you used the word 'jabbed' and 'jabbing' and 'jab' too much. Otherwise, fun fun fun!
Cheerio,
The fight was a bit confusing, but besides that it was very good and interesting. Sweet.
-greenjay