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The Monster in Your Closet

by Percybeth


Tiptoeing to your bed, makes me love the night. I always wait for you to fall asleep because then I can get closer to you. I can play with your brown hair, combing it through my nails. Sometimes pieces break off, but I just take them back to my home. I love making shapes out of the freckles on your face, it makes me yearn for my own freckles. I'll uncover your toes to see what colour you have painted them. My favourite is when they are blue, when it matches my fur.

I do this every night. I love watching you sleep. How your stomach softly rises and lowers, it's hypnotizing. I'll stare for hours at night, trying to figure you out.

I'll watch till the sun peaks through the windows. Then I'm tiptoeing back to my part of the room. I open my door, careful so that it doesn't creak too loudly. As I walk back in, I can smell your clothes. I leave the door slightly ajar so I can watch the sun light up your bedroom and illuminate your body. When I see your head move, I hide behind your clothes and listen to your footsteps leave the room.

I suppose I will never know the colour of your eyes and you will never know the colour of mine.


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11 Reviews


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Wed Jun 04, 2014 1:37 am
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gallifreygal11 wrote a review...



OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! THIS IS AMAZING! I LOVE the concept of this! It's just so perfect! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PIECE. THE VOCABULARY, I LOVE THE CONCEPT, I LOVE THE IMAGERY, I LOVE THE VISUALS, I LOVE THE IDEA, I LOVE THE DESCRIPTIONS! I LOVE EVERYTHING! How did you come up with this? IT IS PERFECT I LOVE IT!




Percybeth says...


The smile on my face right now is so big. Thank you for it. :D objects just come into my head and I write about them! Haha THANK YOU SO MUCH <3



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Mon Jun 02, 2014 8:10 pm
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Storybraniac wrote a review...



Hey there! Stor here to review on this (mini) review day. This is a really great 'other' piece. The monster reminds me of Cookie Monster! Ha ha. Old memories. I really thought at the end something like the monster sees the girl's eyes or the girl sees the monster would happen. Anyway! I love horror stories, though this was not that creepy, like Strange said. It also would have been better if you described the monster, or the girl in more details. Anyway, this was really good. Keep writing.

-Stor




Storybraniac says...


Sorry!



Storybraniac says...


I forgot to switch to review and now I have to wait for a moderator.



AriaAdams says...


Fixed it for you ;)



Percybeth says...


Hey, thank you for this review! I didn't describe the monster too much because its about how much it observes the girl. I could've gone more into detail about he girl, but I guess I just wanted to keep this short and not too boring.



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155 Reviews


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Mon Jun 02, 2014 10:55 am
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fallenoutofgrace wrote a review...



Hey here to review you, so lets get started. First off when I read the title, " The monster in your closet" I was expecting a monsters inc. or a idea based on the children's, " there monsters under my bed and in my closet". I was pleasantly surprised that I was wrong. Your imagery is really good, I liked how you went through and described everything about the girl. As for the monster it was a love hate scenario, I loved him, I liked how you made him creepy because you only know this, The monster focused on the girl, the monster has blue fur, the monster lives in the closet and only sneaks out when she sleeps to watch. I loved that. but I badly wan to know more about him, why he's so focused on the girl? What dose he look like? Is there a reason why he watches her? With just a bit more practice this would be an amazing short story. try giving more detail toward the monsters end as well, it might help. The only problem I saw was the typo of the word color, just change that up and you'll be right as rain. And lastly your last sentence was Perfect it kept just the perfect amount of suspense and errie feel. So way to go.




Percybeth says...


Thank you for this review!! You give me motivation to write more!



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Mon Jun 02, 2014 4:15 am
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Willard wrote a review...



Hey Percybeth! Strange here and I have a review for you!
Horror story? Yes. This wasn't extremely scary, but it was pretty god damn creepy. To be honest, I think of this as a pedophile living in a child's room, am I right? The narrator is sniffing the toes of a girl, feeling them while they were asleep, everything.
It is evident that you're not an experienced short story, but with a little more practice, you'll be. This sets the bar to where you're at, and you are up there.
The creepiness helps boost this story. It makes it interesting and enjoyable. This person is sleeping in a female's house.
Usually, I give a thoughtful and a more helpful review, but there's not much to say about this. Sorry!
This story is just....... creepy. Only word that can describe it is creepy. Nothing else, just creepy.
Overall, it's creepy.
Strange gives you...
7.6/10
Good job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my friend.




Percybeth says...


Thank you so much for this review! :)



Percybeth says...


Thank you so much for this review! :)



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Mon Jun 02, 2014 2:44 am
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Unique says...



Wait I am a little confused with this, is this a horror story because it's really scary. I love the last sentence, it's so mysterious and weird in a good story writing way... Wait, I just read the top, so it is a horror story... What happens in the end? Write more! Tell me please!!! I really want to know!





Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.
— Albus Dumbledore