And all I remember
Is how contagious your smile was
And so was your heartfelt laughter.
The way you held your pencil
Like how the sky holds the clouds
The wind gracefully crafting
your words; your clouds
Drawing delicate letters
That drift out of the tip of your pencil
And float off your paper.
I catch your words with my pulsing hand.
They're cold.
Why?
What happened to your smooth o's and hilly m's?
Replaced with broken letters.
This is not what I remember.
A storm is brewing.
Your clouds are dark.
Your wind too strong.
Your pencil is broken and
So is your smile.
Your heartfelt laughter is
Now silent sobs; rolling thunder.
Tears pouring down.
Striking the paper like lightning.
This whirlpool is drowning you,
And I can't catch your words.
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139,340 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
Aww how sad. Very descriptive poem. I like how you use different types of weather things to describe this person and the changes in them because it makes the change more powerful and dramatic. I like the whole poem but I have a few lines that stood out to me:
"A storm is brewing/your clouds are dark."
"Your heartfelt laughter is/ now silent sobs; rolling thunder."
"Striking the paper like thunder."
I also like how you describe the words as living things or at least something palpable. It almost makes it seem like it has a deeper meaning, like maybe he has influence over words and therefore they are more powerful. At first she can grip his words and they speak to her but then his words become cold and she can no longer grasp them.
One thing I don't understand is this- "The wind gracefully crafting your words; your clouds/Drawing delicate letters" What are his clouds?
Anyway, a simple poem visually but it is a strong poem with meaning.
P.s. I just realized that I was making assumptions on the genders of the narrator and subject so I apologize for that.
Thank you for this reply! I love it! Haha and your gender assumptions are fine, I actually thought of it the other way around but I will speak to your right now.
To fix your confusion on those lines, his words are like clouds, and you know how clouds are blown around by the wind and when you look up at them, you can find different shapes. That's what I meant. How he can write about anything and its always beautiful, just like the clouds. So his words are just metaphors to clouds.
Oh I see! Thank you for taking time to reply to my comment
Hi!
WillowPaw here!
O.O ... WOAH!
I am in love with this! It is so beautiful!
Positive Comments
I just love the similes and metaphors you stuck in here!
And then the clouds and the sky continue on through out the whole entire poem! I just loved it!
Criticism (which I do not have much of)
I don't get this line much, but I'm guessing it's saying something like: I miss the way your write?
If its not that then I'm either not getting it or it just doest make sense all together.
Anyways, lovely poem, keep writing! I love your writing!
WillowPaw1~
Hey Percybeth <3 x 7,
I was in the middle of a hurricane for a second there.
I am in love with this poem! Can I just...have it? Like seriously? Stop being so awesome and swaggy...but anyway. This is a review.
The only think that I was confused about was your transition from beauty and darkness in the middle there. "I catch your words with my pulsing hand,/they're cold." Are you catching the words after everything has changed between you, or right after this moment of bliss and admiration of this other person, or is it like a stream of consciousness of you realizing the chill and wondering if something is changing...I don't know. It just seemed a little jumpy to me.
But otherwise, your poem was just fan-freaking-tastic and if you become a famous poet someday, please let me be your co-writer.
-Savvy
I will be back to review this. But let me just say this is really good!
Thank you!!