The sky was filled with stars
the night you died.
And the moon was hiding
because its sunshine had disappeared.
You were my sunshine and
I'm only half of myself without you.
I've lost my warmth;
my breath is uneven.
And I've cried so much,
that my tears have left with you.
There's no more us,
I can't speak of you in the present.
It's only memories left,
and I can't tell if they're
a burden
or a blessing.
One day,
I'll be able
to say your name
with no tears.
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Hey Percybeth, Weymouth here for a review
This poem is just amazing, and i'm really glad you posted it, as it is the third poem of yours that has totally blown me away
I particularly love the line "And the moon was hiding because it's sunshine had disappeared." because it is just so beautiful, and well i just love it
I love free verse because it usually seems to convey more emotion and seem more powerful than rhyming poems.
please keep writing!
)))
I was drawn to this piece like a moth to a flame, seeing as I too have lost a dog not too long ago, but she was far older and it was kinda expected. I still completely understand and empathise with the pain in this piece, and I offer you my condolences for your loss.
Now onto the actual writing
My only nitpick at all was with the lines:
"a burden or
a blessing"
In my opinion, I would have it as:
"a burden
or a blessing"
But that's just me, you can take it or leave it (I hate doing nitpicks on emotional poems, I aways feel like i'm offending the author :')
All in all, love it
P.S. Your poem 'Tomorrow is full of promise' is one of my favourite poems of all time
Thank you so much. I loved reading everything you said.<3 it's okay, I love getting feedback on everything I write. And it's so great I hear that you love that poem cause I always thought it was my worst and so childish. I put your edit into my poem.
<3
Greetings Percybeth
I love dogs and I was drawn to this piece like a moth to a candle.
The free verse poem-style fits a piece like this very well (a set rhyme scheme or stanza form would have ruined the entire mood of the poem). Your descriptive talents are remarkable, my dear friend, and I commend you for that.
Your use of punctuation throughout the poem creates the exact mood I was expecting from a piece like this.The full stops at the end of certain lines symbolize (to me) the way your dog suddenly left you.
The ending is very satisfactory and shows final acceptance of what had happened
There is not much more I can say about this piece. I therefore rate this piece 8.5 out of ten.
Sincerely,
The Wandering Wizard
P.S- You have my deepest condolences for your loss.
P.P.S- May I ask what species of dog it was and what his/her name was? (unless you don't want to share that info. It's fine)
Thank you so much. I love this reply. She was a Rottweiler, her name was Sophie. <3