These gray roads
always seem so smooth
but you can see the cracks,
and the repaired scars.
You can feel the potholes
and the broken corners.
I always love watching
the white line by their side.
How it keeps cars in line;
guiding them home.
And I love watching the yellow
paint transition from
dashes to strokes.
It always reminds me of
Morse code.
Maybe the roads are telling us something.
Maybe they are trying to say that
they're tired
of being driven over.
Or they are crying because
of the graves that are plotted
from their blind turns
and steep hills.
Maybe we aren't so different from roads.
I am a road.
I am abandoned;
Meandering through a forest.
With cracks and no drivers.
With no yellow dashes
and no yellow strokes.
And no white line
to guide myself
Home.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,340 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
Hello!
I really like this poem. It's deep and personal to you, which is always great!
I really like how you went into detail, pointing out specific things about roads and how they connect to you. Your ideas stay consistent and become more and more focused as you continue reading.
It's very descriptive and the imagery is superb. There is not too much repetition to annoy the reader, and stanzas are not needed, as pauses seem a bit implied.
My only two suggestions are capitalization and then a group of lines. I call them 'suggestions' because they're not really critiques!
But anyway: capitalization. The capitalization is not specifically needed. You could do without it, but you could also just fine with it. It just seems to me like the prepositions and conjunctions don't need any special attention when starting a new line. It's all your choice though, and it's your work, not mine so it's no big deal.
My second suggestion is:
"Always seem so smooth,
But you can see the cracks
And the repaired scars."
I feel as though the comma is needed more after 'cracks' than 'smooth'. The pause seems implied before 'but', and when I see 'and' I feel like it might need something else to indicate an extension of the sentence.
Just my thoughts, not critiques!
I really love this work. Great job and keep writing!
Thank you for your suggestions! I'm going to edit and use some of your ideas! Just thank you so much for everything you said here. <3
No problem!
Hey, I'm Kam and I'm gonna give you a nice little review
It really pulls in a reader even though it is pretty simple. However, it isn't so simple that it is boring. The way you transition through lines and move smoothly onto another set of words is beautiful and smooth and I find no problem with it. I enjoy the way you don't punctuate with periods or anything, simply because I personally feel as if it would mes with the smooth flow of the words.
Well, lemme just say, I LOVE...this poem. Positively ADOOORE it
I enjoy the slow descending depth you have here. As the poem transitions on, it gets deeper and deeper in the mysterious narrators mind, exposing the true lost-feeling in the faceless speaker. I really enjoy the mystery and how it isn't even a gain,more of a loss really, if you had described her.
I never quite thought about it till now, the look of roads and how someone can image them, as exposed in this poem. It is something that makes you look at much simpler things from a much deeper level.
To be honest, I can't really find anything wrong with this, and I'm not going to go into typos of any sort since I'm very bad at detecting them
Keep writing, because this is fantastic!!
Thank you so much. <3 I love replies like this, they always make me want to write more and more. I love how you explain how you read the poem. Sometimes I think my readers make my words even better than what I believe them to be. Thank you. <3