i flipped the pages of the story of you;
soaking in your wonders like the sun.
'
i read about that time when you were little
you were afraid of the cat (after he hissed at you.)
you ran and hid away into the cupboard,
your mother found you holding a plastic bowl.
'
i read about how when you were 10
and you said you wanted to be a firefighter
because then you could save
all the kittens lost in trees,
(you started to love them).
you wanted to save all the people in burning buildings,
running out to become a hero.
'
i read about your broken heart at 15.
you said you'd never love again
and that it was bullshit
and how you had your first cigarette after.
i read how grief took over.
'
while i read the story of you,
i fell in love.
you were the eye of the storm, beautiful.
'
i was nearing the end,
when i got my first paper cut
it bled on the page where you said
you've hit your breaking point
and wanted to die.
but i knew that was a lie because there was
still at least 50 pages left,
you had to get better.
'
i had spent my days reading your life
and i finished you late at night in my room.
i cried as i realized that the last pages
of the story of you
were written by your mother.
'
she wrote about how you ended your own book.
she wrote about how grief took her over too.
'
i finished your story, in love with you.
i was the in the mist of your tornado,
(never once reaching the center where I could see you.)
as your storm left, I was surrounded by devastation
not just broken houses,
but broken hearted.
'
see, i'd spent all my time soaking you in,
like you were sunshine
so goddamn warm and soothing.
and once you were gone,
i was left with a sunburn.
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140,548 Literary Works • 673,419 Reviews
Hello, Chips here to review!
You have a really lovely poem here, I like the descriptions you've used and the formatting layout worked well with your poem. I also liked how you created a narrative story which was pretty emotive also. You have a great concept here so well done for that!
However, I have some suggestions that may be of help to you.
"i flipped the pages of the story of you;
soaking in your wonders like the sun."
This was a nice opening, but I found the first line reads slightly awkwardly so I would suggest rephrasing the wording of it so it flows better. Perhaps, "i flipped the pages of your story", something along those lines.
"i read about that time when you were little
you were afraid of the cat (after he hissed at you.)"
Personally, at times I found the brackets becoming a bit distracting, they seemed more like explanations in case the reader didn't understand the previous line, I suggest more clarity to avoid using brackets, but if you want to leave them in that's completely fine. I know this may be a narrative piece but there was a slight tendency into the poem becoming more tell-y and story-like as oppose to it being poetic it slips into prose here and there so just be careful with that.
"you wanted to save all the people in burning buildings,
running out to become a hero."
Here, instead of a comma after "buildings", I think a semi colon would fit more there.
"you said you'd never love again
and that it was bullshit
and how you had your first cigarette after."
For the mild cursing here, perhaps put up the rating slightly. This was an effective sentence although it was a little long and too interrelated so maybe having some line breaks.
"i read how grief took over."
This part felt a bit disconnected to the stanza it was in, it felt like you were about to start a new one.
"you were the eye of the storm, beautiful."
This was a great line, though the beautiful at the end just felt added on. Maybe, "you were the beautiful eye of the storm", if you want.
As an overview, I really liked how you included each stage of his life and your life and the motions you both went though while reading his story. It create a wonderful connection between the two. It was written in an interesting way.
"i was nearing the end,
when i got my first paper cut
it bled on the page where you said
you've hit your breaking point
and wanted to die.
but i knew that was a lie because there was
still at least 50 pages left,
you had to get better."
This was my favorite part of you poem, it radiated hope. I found it slightly humorous when you said "you had to get better", as there are more pages left since every book has that predicable element so that was clever.
Overall well done on this piece. Hope this was of help to you.
--Chips
Oh.My.God.
Please, please, please keep on writing 
I can honestly say that this is the most beautifully moving poem that I have ever read in my life. I love free verse because it really expresses the true emotion of the writer instead of wrapping it in a fancy mess of adjectives (which is good sometimes, but nowadays every poem seems to have an ABAB rhyme scheme).
I am just in love with your writing style, the irregular stanzas are a great touch, and there are just so many amazing things about this poem in general, I'll give you a run-down of what I liked:
"i was nearing the end,
when i got my first paper cut
it bled on the page where you said
you've hit your breaking point
and wanted to die."
- I love this so much, because it just moves the reader so much, and the blood symbolises and emphasises death so well.
"see, i'd spent all my time soaking you in,
like you were sunshine
so goddamn warm and soothing."
- This is just beautiful, especially the sudden angst where you use "goddamn" in italics and then contrast it with the words "warm and soothing"
I have absolutely no nitpicks for you at all
Your poem is truly beautiful.....
I love the perfect way in which you have expressed yourself, how each line flows so smoothly into the next, your fantastic descriptions of emotions.
'i was nearing the end,
when i got my first paper cut
it bled on the page where you said
you've hit your breaking point
and wanted to die.'
These few lines especially were just too good. The idea behind this poem is amazing and you have brought it out exceptionally well !! Please, keep writing
*wipes away lingering tears*
Please stop. Oh my gosh this poem was super beautiful. You really know how to catch a reader and keep the reader interested throughout the piece. The only thing I suggest you work on is punctuation because some of the periods (inside parenthesis) seemed odd there and I personally don't think you need them.
I really love how you take us through every important part of this person's life, whether it looks important or not to other people. You developed a personality and you really made me cry at the end.
I have never liked suicide stories, poems, etc. But I love how beautifully written this piece is and how you played with our emotions (I was happy and then I was sad and then I was depressed)
But really you know how to write poetry!
Keep writing
Hey there! So I think this piece is fantastic basically. I love how you make this person a book that you're reading. I think that's really unique and interesting. I like your comments in parentheses because they feel like the speaker is talking directly to this person. I think it might drag on a little too long so maybe combining some lines or taking some out would help keep it more compact but overall really great!
Keep it up!
Wow. Just. Wow.
RoyalHighness has arrived to give a short and very complimentary review.
So um excuse me for a second while I put my heart back into my chest.
This started off a little slowly for me, and I didn't like that very much. But you redeemed yourself, because towards the middle and end, of course, it started picking up.
Great job building up a story instead of just a person; you've taken a short story and put it into a poem with as few words as possible, and this is a feat worthy of praise.
Uhm, let's see, what else... Great imagery with the storm reflecting the conflict of the subject... The tone was melancholy but not overdramatic, which made this easy to read. Great job keeping the lack of capitalization consistent. I love the metaphor of the sunburn at the end.
And I have nothing else I can say on this, to be honest... Maybe someone who knows more about poetry than I do will give you a more intelligent review but I just loved this.
Nine stars out of ten. Nine stars out of ten, my dear. Great job. Fantastic.