I am like you. You have seen me walking down the street. We talk, we have lunch together, we sit next to each other at the movie theater. Yet you don't know me. You don't recognize me. I'm just another person on this planet you call home.
But I'm not just another person. On the planet I call home, I'm special; I'm a celebrity. There isn't anyone who doesn't know my name. I can't walk down the street without being recognized. They all stop me, ask how my life is going. They invite me to their homes, offer me food and shelter.
And I hate it. I don't need anyone to take care of me. I can take care of myself. They don't really care about me. They only care about what I can do for them; what I have done for them. We're a selfish race, built up by the extreme power that we hold within ourselves. It has completely ruined our relationships with those still on Earth; the regulars.
Our people once lived on Earth. But nearly eight years ago, our leaders became fed up with the regulars. They felt that the regulars were restricting us, keeping our powers locked up inside of us. We couldn’t use them. We were forced into hiding under everyone’s noses. The regulars still talked to us, but they didn’t know who we were. They thought we were like them, regular, boring, normal. They didn’t know that we are special and different. They didn’t know that we are Zodiacs.
The Archaic got fed up and planned an attack on the most powerful nation in the world, the United States of America. They targeted the nation’s capital behind the orders of a Scorpio. But when they got there, an army was waiting for them. Even their powers couldn’t stop the U.S. army. So they surrendered and agreed to take our people and start a new life elsewhere, on the wrecked planet of Welloch.
It didn't come easy to us. People fought, refused to move, they stood their ground. But it came at a price. That year our numbers were cut in half. Those who didn't oblige were shot.
No regrets. No mercy. If you're not with us, you're against us.
This is where it's led us: being a dwindling society on a broken planet.
What the regulars don’t know is that we have a tunnel to take us back to Earth. It took all of the power from the members of the Archaic to build it, but it was worth it. School children can take a field trip to Earth and see where we used to live. People like me and my partner Melvin can travel to Earth and take care of business long overdue.
You won't recognize us if you saw one of us. We look like you. We walk like you. We talk like you. We eat at restaurants like you do. But we're stronger than you are. We have the power to kill you. And believe me, when the time is right, we will.
There are eight rules that we have always kept. They aren't so much as rules, but words to live by. I disagree with most of them, but they are our way of life so I must follow them and keep my mouth shut.
These are the rules of Welloch:
1. Never reveal your power.
2. Don't talk to the regulars.
3. Stay true to your sign.
4. You sign defines your life.
5. Age is power.
6. Children are there to protect us. They must be willing to offer up their lives at any moment.
7. Respect the Archaic. Always.
8. Be prepared to save your own life. Know that help is not coming.
These are the rules we live by. Eight rules, eight tribes, eight years spent on this terrible planet, eight reasons to dispose of the regulars. Eight; it’s a number that has highest value in our society. Eight is power. Eight is strength. Eight is perfect.
But there is only one number that I hold high and it is most definitely not the one that my people have agreed upon. My number is one. There is one me, one power used to rule us all, one chance I have to save the regulars, one chance to make a change, one rule I hold above all:
Fight fire with fire.
End of chapter
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140,811 Literary Works • 673,693 Reviews
Wow. WOW. This is an amazing prologue. You'e definitely captured my attention as well as stimulated my curiosity. I. Want. More. I loved all of it; the timing/pace, the proper word choice (in instills lots of mystery for the reader, keeping them interested and on their toes, but without revealing too much), the details, the back story itself. Amazing. I definitely look forward to reading more of this story not only to get to the the narrator but to see how this will end. Will they end up getting rid of the regulars? Or will something surprising and shocking end up happening instead? Very nice work Ms. Noelle! -IceWinifredd
Hello Noelle!
I really enjoyed reading this prologue. I found that your opening paragraph was very immersive, the opening line 'I am like you,' seemed very unusual and that is what I loved so much about it.
As a prologue is does its job by giving the readers background knowledge.
Another thing I found interesting was how you structured the rules of Welloch.
Your usage of language techniques were also very well done. Such as your repetition of 'eight' and 'like you'. Very effective.
All in all I found this a very enjoyable read, I couldn't spot any mistakes and your techniques were well used.
I love how you explain things just right, not too much but just enough to understand. The title was also well thought out I think because it caught my eye. I love how you seem to be using the zodiac and combining it with sci-fi, most probably would have made it a fantasy or the like, I never would have thought of this. I also love how this is from a different perspective. It's like the character has two different enemies, but which one will they end up fighting? Cliff hanger was also wonderful!
Thank you for the review! I'm glad you liked it!
This was a really good prologue, I mean, I loved it. The only thing I must say is that maybe you could try to slow the info-dump. I mean, we need this information but you could try to slow it down and put more of the character's thoughts into the piece. Otherwise,loved it! Especially the last line!
Thanks for your review!
Heya!
I think this works well as a prologue - it gives us the background, gives us an objective and introduces the main character. I also liked the quirk with the multiples of eight; it's little things like these that set works apart, in my opinion, and the deviating from the standard number eight imposed by culture to one gives your MC a nice rebellious sheen.
A quick few comments.
First off, I personally don't like the fact that your main character is fourteen. The fact that she (I'm assuming Kyra is a feminine name) is so young casts a temper-tantrum light to the whole dramatic rebellion, and I imagined all the build-up from the previous paragraphs just wizzing off like a loosed balloon. This is a personal issue, and easily solvable by making Kyra not be a normal, snotty fourteen-year old, but give her something more, like, eh, world-weariness or matureness or straight-up psychoticness (totally not a word). Just something, because otherwise I'm afraid your epic rebellion of destruction will look like a foot-stamping pouting session.
Some stylistic points I'd like to highlight, your choice of last line first. I would have ended the prologue on the line:
You describe all the regulation, all the normal standards of eight and then state, "hold on, that may be so, but here's what I think". You emphasise one: only one you, only one power - and then one rule your main character holds above everything else. This rule is at the core of the story's motives. It's at Kyra's core. It's the oomph behind the action. Well, it also sounds cool to end a prologue on a short, stark comment.
This sentence I don't like. It sounds... clumsy, and as if it quickly skips past the fact that your main character doesn't agree with most every rule that has been set before her. Like meh, no biggie, just the focus of the plot, let's move on. Seeing as your plot revolves around rebellion against this structure set before her, just stating this in such an off hand fashion doesn't do it justice.
Try to emphasise Kyra's lack of love towards these rules in this instance before you lay them to us, so that the reader will already start to see the Eight Rules through Kyra's biased viewpoint, so as to build a basis on which you can more easily justify your MC's disregard of the rules. I suggest saying this part in some way that is easily recognizable as Kyra's voice, because someone with a desire to burn the whole structure down would not think of it as only worth a 'meh, I need to keep my mouth shut'. Let her passion shine through here, and it'll make a lasting impact.
The root of my problem with these sentences is the same as with the earlier one. The way this reads is, 'oh, the abnormally strong users of the powers of the Eight Zodiacs got done in by regulars, no biggie'. Again, I'd like you to put more emphasis here, because this was the big game-changer in history and should be treated as such.
These points aside, I think you did a fine job. The idea of having the powers of the Zodiacs is fresh at least in my pages and you've handled the alternate world scenario well. Also, the fact that your main character is well-known in her own world is a nice quirk as well, getting the reader wanting to know what sets her apart from the other Zodiac users. Right, and why she wants to destroy it all even if she's in a veritably good position in her world. That too.
Tweak things around a little - especially try ending on the line "Fight fire with fire." - and see how it works for you. If it does, great. If not, then not. No idea to needlessly force someone else's thoughts into your own writing. Hope this helped, though, and at least gave you something to think about. Any questions you may have, I'll be happy to answer. Above all else, keep writing!
Your's truly,
Life.
Thanks for the helpful review! I actually ended the prologue on "fight fire with fire" and then added the last two paragraphs as an afterthought. But I agree with you that that line is powerful enough on its own so I changed it.
This is a wonderful prologue. It entices the reader to go on to the first chapter. I think it will be fun to follow the story of the main character.
I found myself asking many questions that will undoubtedly be answered later, for example why save the regulars or how is the kyra going to do that?
The word choice is great and i didn't find any typos or errors. I am inclined to doubt a fourteen year old could destroy an entire system and years worth of hatred, but time will tell.
All in all, i loved the prologue and cant wait for a first chapter!
Thanks so much! I'll let you know when the first chapter is up!