I have never been inside the Archaic headquarters, more accurately named the trial room. I wish I wasn’t here right now, but I have no choice. At least I have Melvin here with me. I could never go through this alone.
The second we step into the room, a voice says, “Ms. Maurey, Mr. Canestro, please step into the balcony.” I recognize the woman’s voice. Her name is Macey, the first woman to lead the Archaic. She’s about forty-five years old and has been in power for nearly two years now; very impressive seeing as the leader of the Archaic usually only lasts a few months before being overthrown.
The balcony is a place where the white railing dividing us and the Archaic bulges to make a semi-circle. Melvin and I walk the blue tiled path towards it.
I look around as I walk. There are six rows of chairs nearly forty seats long on each side of the path. That’s 480 chairs total. The only times that they are full are during trials. Real trials that is, like for traitors and whatnot. Not for what Melvin and I are about to go through.
We reach the balcony and wait. Despite Macey calling us forward, none of the members of the Archaic had taken their seats. There are nine empty seats behind a long table on the other side of the railing; in front of each is a place card with the name of each tribe on it. There is one member to represent each tribe. Macey sort of represents them all.
I can see past it down the long hallway. It’s barely lit, but I can see someone walking towards the table.
"Who are you?” I call out. Melvin sucks in his breath and grips the railing tighter. He doesn’t approve of my behavior. I’m sure he’s itching to tell me again about rule number seven. But I don’t care. If the Archaic called us here, the least they can do is show up on time.
I don’t get a response, so I’m content to watch the person get closer. She finally steps into the light of the trial room. She’s a short woman with curly, blond hair. She’s wearing a white blouse with a floor length, flower print skirt. I wonder what tribe she represents.
She sits at the third chair from the right, the one labeled Gemini. I sneak a look at Melvin. That’s his tribe. But he doesn’t stir or move at all. I study him for a second longer before turning back to watch the rest of the Archaic file in.
Seven more people walk in and fill up the empty seats. The guy who sits at the Sagittarius seat all the way to the right looks like he could be sixteen years old. It’s very unusual for anyone in the Archaic to be under the age of forty, much less twenty, but it has happened over the years. This boy must be very powerful.
He has long brown hair that curls underneath his chin. His eyes are a soft grey color, like the color that the stars are in the night sky. The boy is wearing a green polo shirt with the top two buttons undone. If I hadn’t sworn to a life of celibacy, I would chase after him. There will be no boys in my life. I will not have a family. Families lead to pain and sacrifice and loss. I can’t deal with that again, not after what happened with my parents.
None of them talk. They all sit motionless and stare at me. The nerves have returned. It’s not that I’m scared of the Archaic, I’m scared of the power that they hold over me.
I scan the people sitting in front of me, trying to find a familiar face. I don’t recognize anyone until I see the man sitting behind the Aries place card. He’s bald, wears big, round glasses, and has a brown, S-shaped moustache. I remember seeing him around town. How could I forget that moustache?
And then I see another man and my heart stops.
“He’s not a Libra.” I choke out. Every member of the Archaic must be part of the Libra tribe. Libras are the most concerned with justice, so it makes the most sense to have Libras make up the Archaic. But I’m a Sagittarius and we can sense the tribes of others without being told. The planet Jupiter has blessed my tribe with that certain power. And that man sitting in front of the Virgo plate is a Scorpio, definitely not Libra.
“What?” Melvin asks, still staring straight ahead.
“That one,” I whisper, nodding my head in that man’s direction. “The one to the right of the main chair, behind the Virgo plate. He’s a Scorpio.” Melvin turns and looks at me curiously. I can see that he knows I’m right, but he doesn’t want to believe me.
“It’s impossible!” he says. I groan and roll my eyes.
“He must have convinced them somehow that he’s like them. But you know that I’m telling the truth. I know. And I wouldn’t lie to you.”
Melvin looks at me a second longer before nodding and turning back to the Archaic. His grip loosens on the railing and he taps his fingers nervously. He’s ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice. I know what he looks like when he’s itching for a fight.
Maybe he would’ve been better not knowing.
“Welcome both of you.” The same voice I heard earlier is back. Macey walks out from the dark hallway and sits in the middle chair. Her long black hair is pulled back in a perfect bun. “How are you today?” she asks, opening up a notebook. I’m not sure what she’s writing, but I’m sure it’s not good.
“Why are we here?” I ask. Macey stops and looks up at me, her brown eyes turning fiery, baring down on me. For a second I think she’s going to yell at me, but she only laughs softly. Her eyes lose their flame.
“Getting right to the point, aren’t we my darling?”
“Yes.” I say stiffly. “I don’t like not knowing things.” When in reality, I knew exactly why they had called us here. But it would be better to hear it from the Archaic themselves. Some things are just better heard than said.
“And you think that you have the right to know?” she counters.
“Yes,” I say, crossing my arms, staring right back at her. All of my fears and nervousness has disappeared. They can do whatever they want to me, throw me in jail, send me to Earth, banish me, whatever. But I will not give them the satisfaction of knowing that I am intimidated by them. I’m not intimidated. Not anymore at least.
Macey is still staring me down. I feel in power suddenly, like the entire situation is in my hands; like I can make Macey do or say whatever I want her to. It’s a strange feeling, but I like it.
“Don’t you think this girl has gone through enough already?” the boy at the Sagittarius place pipes up. I’m so startled that I look at him in disbelief. But his eyes don’t meet mine. “Just say what needs to be said and let her go.”
“That is enough out of you, Ryland,” Macey snaps, glaring at him. “When I want your opinion I will ask for it.” The boy named Ryland stands his ground.
“I just think you're being unfair.”
“What did I just say?” Macey asks. “If you do not follow my direction then I will have to forcibly remove you from this hall.” Ryland opens his mouth again as if he’s going to speak, but he doesn’t say anything. He backs down and lowers his gaze. Macey nods and turns back to me. Her eyes have turned fiery once again and my heart begins to race. But it’s not because of her eyes. Just before I look away from Ryland, he raises his head slightly, catching my gaze. The look he gives me sets me off for some reason.
I take a deep breath and focus back on Macey. I will not fall for any guy, I must remind myself. Love leads to loss and pain. You think you can trust the people you love, but they turn out to be backstabbers and they find ways to ruin your life.
“Now, if we could get down to business that would be great.” Macey says. I want to say something smart to her, but I hold back. After the way she just spat at Ryland makes me want to stay out of her way. “You have been summoned because you have been working with Phillip Desu. Is this correct?”
I stare at her, dumbfounded. Even Melvin’s grip loosens and the color comes back into his knuckles. This wasn’t what we were expecting. Relief floods over me. So this isn’t about the Book of the Zodiac after all.
But that gets me thinking, do they even know it is missing?
“That is true.” I say.
“Do you have anything to report to us?” Macey asks. She’s returned to writing in her notebook. I really have no idea what she could be writing seeing as I haven’t said anything.
“E-excuse me?”
“Do you have anything to report?” Macey repeats, looking up from the notebook. “We know that Phillip is planning something. And we’d like to know what it is.”
“I know nothing.” I cross my arms and hope that my tone of voice doesn’t give anything away. I know exactly what Phillip is planning, but I promised not to tell anyone. Not that I would tell anyway.
Macey looks at me suspiciously. “I don’t believe you. Phillip is a well known criminal. It is very important that we know of his every movement.” I gape at her.
“A well known criminal?”
“Ask your boyfriend here if he remembers Phillip’s trial,” Macey says, pointing her pen at Melvin. “Bet you he does. He was there.” I didn’t think it was possible for anyone’s face to turn a deeper shade of red than mine did, but Melvin’s was.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I growl. “And I don’t have to ask him anything. If you want him to say something, ask him yourself.”
“Kyra, chill,” Melvin whispers, his grip tightening on the railing again. “Just tell her about Phillip. Then we can get outta here.” I look at him curiously. What’s gotten into him? Before getting here, he was strong and determined not to let me be scared. Now he’s the one who’s acting like a coward. I don’t understand.
“What’s wrong with you?” I whisper. “You want me to be strong, but you act like this?”
“Just—don’t ask, alright,” Melvin responds, looking at the floor. “Let it go.”
Macey clears her throat, drawing my attention back to her. “If you’re done talking to that extrinsic, I would like to get along with the conversation.”
I can’t help it, my jaw drops in surprise. I look at Melvin, tears welling up in my eyes. After all of these years hanging out together and working as partners, he never told me that he was an extrinsic, a regular turned Zodiac.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Awesome chapter! The ending really surprised me though! So Melvin was a regular person turned Zodiac? Well, it sheds some light on how this Zodiac thing works. But I can't shake the feeling that maybe Macey and Melvin have some sort of history together. Maybe not directly, but through a certain situation or person. I don't know. Maybe that's just my mind going off in different directions. Anyways, well done. I liked this chapter a lot.
P.S You got me with that one! So the guy behind the Virgo plate is an impostor then? Very nice!
So, after reading the Prologue and the first chapter, I have to say that this chapter has lived up to my expectations, meaning I wanted it to be unpredictable. If I had been asked to guess what was going to happen, I would have said they would go into a small intimidating room with a heap of old men staring them down. You did quite the opposite. You give us a diversity of Archaic members with different opinions. You also show us a bit about the struggles inside the Archaic itself.
Your dialog was a bit stiff, but it is supposed to be a stiff situation. I would suggest making Macey's dialog a bit more lively. She has nothing to fear and can goad your characters into trouble.
I found myself smiling at the ending. I love a good surprise. You suddenly turned the world upside down when you told us Melvin is an extrinsic. It wasn't necessarily funny, but it makes the story very interesting, especially because there is a connection between Melvin and Phillip and you can almost guess it has something to do with regulars.
You end this chapter with a cliffhanger. We don't know how Kyra will react or what the Archaic will do next, let alone what they want. I hope we can find out a bit more in the next chapter.
All in all, I loved this chapter and cant wait for the next! Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the review!
The dialogue sounds a bit unnatural at times also the way some things were worded was awkward. Present tense is always interesting to read, and I give you credit for that, because it's typically a very awkward way to write.
This especially interested me, probably because I've always been into astrology. Also, I'd like more explanations as to the tribes. I found it confusing at times. But that is all.
Overall, I like what you have here. Great job with this!
Thanks for the review! I don't like to reveal too much at one time so more info about the tribes and such will come later. Present tense is definitely weird to write, but I find it the best way to tell the story so I must push through and ignore my impulse to write in past tense.
Hey Noelle!

Shady here with a review for you this fine afternoon. I haven't read the first chapter of your book, so forgive any ignorance in this review. Alright!
~ Just a suggestion.
~ This is really stiff and unnatural. Try something more like: "I was just saying that you're not being fair to her." Or even, in my opinion, better: "You're not being fair to her." Since it's obvious that he's saying.
~ D'aww. This part made me smile. Well said.
~ I thought she was a Sagittarius, and that Sagittariuses could sense people's tribes? Shouldn't she have been able to sense that?
~~
Alright!
This was pretty good. I'm interested to see what happens to Melvin and Kyra, and I liked the fact that they were called before the Archaics for something aside from a (possible) crime they'd committed. It was interesting.
I'm not a fan of present-tense writing in general, but this wasn't bad.
Hope this helped!
Keep writing!
~Shady
Thanks for the review! Kyra is a Sagittarius, but they can only sense the tribe that a Zodiac belongs to. Since Melvin is now a Zodiac, all Kyra knows is that he's a Gemini. She can't sense if someone was once a regular. Not to mention she's really naive to all of this stuff so it never occurred to her that Melvin could possibly be an extrinsic.
Whoa, mega cliffhanger! This plot is setup really well leading from one thing to the next. It seems like a puzzle or sudoku, when you know one thing everything else seems so clear. Oh, but I did have one question. So can one person belong to more than one zodiac tribe? That part kinda confused me, so yeah. I await eagerly for the next chapter to see what happens with Melvin and Kyra.
Thanks for taking the time to read through my novel so far! I really appreciate it. To answer your question, no one can belong to more than one tribe. The man on the Archaic that Kyra points out is a Scorpio. He found a way to sneak into his position on the Archaic without anyone finding out he's not Libra.