**I posted this earlier, but now it's gone. Must have been because the site crashed or something earlier. Anyway, here it is again.**
It was a dark and stormy night.
These infamous words written originally by Edward Bulwer-Lyyton could be used to describe the setting of our story. But only if everything had gone according to plan which, of course, it had not. Niko was left with no other way to describe the night than clear skies, a starry night and a large, full, bright moon.
“What a cover,” he muttered as he walked the streets of New York City. Niko didn’t like to be seen. A more ideal situation for him would be trudging through the rain with thunder crashing and lightning lighting his path. That would provide at least some cover. He was in the open at the moment and he didn’t like that. Especially with the Shadow Raiders out there.
Niko half expected someone to jump out of one of the apartments and recognize him, but no one did. There were barely any lights on anyway. There were a few faint yellow lights coming from high windows. It was dangerous times to live in, even for the regulars. No one dared to head out after dusk. The Shadow Raiders didn’t like people entering their reign. They ruled the town. The regulars don’t know about it, but they do know that some horror occurs when the sun disappears.
Passing an alley, Niko saw a boy against the side of a building, surrounded. Niko recognized them immediately as raiders, those who are a part of the Shadow Raiders. It was hard to miss their grey skin and the cloud of despair and hopelessness that surrounded Niko when he stopped.
The boy in the alley didn’t look like anyone he knew. Squinting, he tried to get a better look. He didn’t want to risk getting any closer because of the raiders. The boy’s face was unfamiliar, but Niko knew the outfit he wore all too well; a navy blue shirt, perfectly ironed kakis, combat boots.
“The Myriad!” He said. He himself had been part of the Myriad at one time.
All too late, he realized just how loud he had said these words. Every head turned to him. Palms sweating, he watched the raiders advance, but he was rooted to the spot. It was like he was stuck in one of his nightmares again, the ones where he’s trying to run from a monster but he can’t pick up his feet. The raiders were just a few paces from Niko when he found a way to move again.
He ducked out of the grasp of one and kicked another in the stomach. The raider fell and another took its place. Niko never was good at close combat, but he could hold his own occasionally. He attributed adrenaline to his sudden success.
After knocking out a few more raiders, Niko was finally ambushed, being pulled to the ground by at least five of them. He let out a sigh as they forced him to his knees and tied his arms behind his back.
“Oh, you’ve got me now,” Niko said, mocking them. He knew that he couldn’t back up his actions. Fighting was not his strong point. And he wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, but he was afraid of the raiders.
But he had to stay strong and stay in the moment if that boy was going to get away. That’s the only reason he fought. It wasn’t part of his instinct, but that boy couldn’t be left alone to die.
Just as Niko was going to demand what they were going to do with him, he spotted a tall figure with a black trench coat walking towards them. He immediately recognized the figure as Kerberos, the leader of the Shadow Raiders. Niko figured that he must have done something terrible. Kerberos never came out to a fight himself.
“Nikolas Raziah. I didn’t know you actually existed.” Kerberos said once he reached them.
“My name is Niko,” Niko growled. “Only those who know me call me Nikolas.”
“But I do know you,” Kerberos responded. “I've heard about you. You were in the Myriad. Why did you leave?” Niko refused to answer. He wasn’t about to give Kerberos any answers. Looking past the tall, dark skinned man with chin length brown hair, Niko saw the boy from the alley sprinting away from them.
His good deed was done for the night. Now he just had to get information out of Kerberos.
“What do you want?” he asked. Kerberos looked at him curiously before throwing his head back and laughing.
“You really don’t know? I guess they didn’t teach you anything when you were in the Myriad.” He paused to grin at Niko. Niko didn’t like the grin. It was too sinister, too cruel, too evil. It was fitting of Kerberos. And that’s what scared him. “You must die. You are the last person standing in my way. I’ve taken care of all the others, Hector, Julian, Kaylnn, Mark. You’re the last of the defense, Niko. And I will take you out. Then I will be free to take over the Myriad for good. With them under my rule, we can rid the world of these regulars and return to our old lifestyle.”
“You can’t do that,” Niko spat. “They will never listen to you.”
“That’s what you think,” Kerberos said, kneeling down next to Niko. He pulled a dagger from his trench coat and turned it so the soft rays of the moon reflected off of it. “Without you, the Myriad will crumble and fall. Don’t you understand the power you have?”
“Yes, I do,” Niko responded. And he was tired of hiding it. Julian always hid his powers and that’s why he was dead. But Niko wasn’t about to go down that same route.
The rope used to tie his hands together was weak. With one yank, the ropes ripped and fell from his hands. Before any of the raiders could react, Niko held his hands, palms out, heels touching and pushed forward, twisting his hands as they moved. A gust of wind rushed toward the raiders, sweeping them off of their feet. They collapsed in a giant heap at the end of the road. Kerberos was on top of the pile, staring at Niko, eyes wide with recognition.
“He’s got the power of Mandle. Get him!” He growled, pointing at Niko. The raiders struggled to get up, but by the time they did, Niko was already gone. Palms facing the pavement, he pushed with all his strength and launched into the sky. The raiders watched as he paused, changed directions and shot straight across the sky, disappearing from sight.
“That damn kid,” Kerberos muttered. He turned to face the raiders and pointed down the road. “I want you to find him and bring him back to me. Alive.” The raiders looked at each other and nodded. Kerberos watched them turn and run down the street in the direction Niko had flown.
“I will get my revenge Raziah,” Kerberos growled. “Just wait.”
End of chapter
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What Lycando says makes a lot of sense, Shadow and Dark are far overused, it's crazy. I love the action and it leaves a lot of mystery that makes me crave more. I want to know more so you can expect me to keep reading. Also, give more details to bring this world of yours into reality, remember, anyone can write a book, it takes a true Writer to bind a world to the page. You can do this because you are a writer. You got this, so keep writing no matter what, I want to finish this book!
Hey there Noelle!


First off I want to say that I enjoyed this story. But I think this story could have been improved in certain areas, let me explain.
Cliches, such as Shadow Raiders. Many people love to use "Dark" or "Shadow" when placing a name upon something evil. Now this is way overused, and instead of making it sound evil, it just becomes boring. I'm sure you could replace the names with something more original.
Secondly, the unrealistic part of this story. Why would the leader of this "Shadow Raiders" emerge from his lair or hideout just to take care of one guy? Usually, in most stories and in real life too, the leader gives out the orders, and his/her minions do the dirty work. In this case the leader shouldn't have appeared that fast either. If you would like some form of leadership, maybe a higher ranking minion?
Another unrealistic part, you said at first that Niko was extremely scared of them and his feet were rooted to the ground, after being pinned down however, he suddenly gets all high and mighty. Saying that he knew they were no match for him. Why then, in the first place, was he feeling scared?
Other than that, I liked the story, as I said before. Certainly could use the improvement like I said, and I hope to see the rest of the chapters!
Cheers, Lycando!