Elle’s heart pounded fast as she turned the corner. The world was dark even though it was near midday. The sun refused to glow, hiding behind a family of storm clouds. Soft thunder rolled through the sky. A single raindrop fell, staining the plain sidewalk.
Voices came from a block away. Not daring to look behind her, Elle ran faster. She was nearly at a sprint when she came to an alleyway. Cursing under her breath, she raced to the end, looking for a way to escape.
She found one; a fire escape. Without any other plausible options, she jumped up, grabbed onto the bottom rung and began to climb. She was never good at climbing. She had barely made it past the fifth rung before they reached her, the men made of glass.
Elle let out a scream as she felt a grip on her ankle. Having no time to fight back, she was yanked off the ladder and began falling, falling, falling…
She hit the ground with a smack. She was grateful for the grass as it cushioned her landing. Elle wasn’t in the city anymore. The blue sky spread out above her and grass below her. They both spread on for miles, seeming to never end. A small cottage stood close to her, the only sign of life for miles. A few apple trees littered the front lawn, but there was no other vegetation.
Elle wandered over to one and picked an apple. Just as she was going to take a bite the cottage burst into flames. The apple dropped to the ground, rolling towards the growing fire, forgotten.
The flames rose nearly twenty feet high and loomed over her. She ran as the fire followed her, closing in. A scream escaped Elle’s lips as she was engulfed in flames. They didn’t burn her, they felt welcoming. They warmed her, covering her line of vision.
And then she was standing on a street that continued on, skyscrapers trapping her. She could hear the screams of those inside, but there was no way to reach them. No doors, no windows, nothing. It was killing her inside, eating at her soul. They needed help and she couldn’t reach them.
She ran; ran away from it all. But even as she got farther, the street kept going. On and on with no end. She suddenly tripped, sprawling out onto the pavement. A scream caught in her throat as she saw what it was she had tripped over.
A human skeleton lay just behind her, pieces of flesh left flapping in the wind. Blood was splattered all over like a Dalmatian’s spots. It reeked of death. The body had been decapitated and the head lay next to the other bones. It stared up at Elle with giant empty eyes. She retched and doubled over.
“This is what will become of your world.” A deep voice said. She had heard it before many times. She shivered as it spoke, fear pulsing through her veins.
Behind and in front of her, she saw the same scene. The city street was lined with dead bodies lying in a river of blood. The skyscrapers were crumbling, falling in on themselves. Elle covered her ears and squeezed her eyes shut, willing it all to stop.
“This is your future if you do not comply with my wishes,” the voice whispered to her. She heard it as if it was in her head. She shut her eyes tighter and shook her head, trying to force the voice away.
“You cannot get rid of me.” It said. “I will continue to torment you if you do not comply. Join me and I will save you from all this. Your future will be protected as well as your world. I will not cease until I get my desired answer.”
Elle woke with a jolt. Sitting up, she wiped the sweat off of her brow. Her breath came in short, quick gasps. Climbing off the bed she wandered into her bathroom and splashed water on her face. It was refreshing and seemed to calm her down.
She looked at her reflection. The baby blue eyes she saw everyday in the mirror were darker than usual. Her face was flushed and dripping with water. Blonde hair stuck to her cheeks. She pushed it away and watched it fall onto her shoulders.
Wandering back into her room, she picked up her phone. The time read 3:17 AM. Elle groaned and collapsed onto the bed. It was the twelfth time she had woken up three hours before she needed to.
The nightmares came almost every night, ever since she visited the graveyard.
She and Cara had walked home from school that day. It was an easy one mile walk from Saint Phoebe’s School for Girls to the girls’ neighborhood in White Marsh. They had walked it several times, but had never past through the Eastside Cemetery. It was large, taking up all of what used to be a farmer’s corn field. Cara’s baby cousin was buried there, but she never visited his grave. She had been so close to him before he died and the memories were too painful for her.
That particular day however, they traveled through the haunted yard, a known shortcut. Elle made them stop at her great grandfather’s grave.
“Fine,” Cara had said. “Then can we head out? This place sort of gives me the creeps.” The girls agreed to hurry out after visiting the grave. But as they got closer, Elle saw something strange.
Just behind her great grandfather’s grave was an archway that led to nothing. She was about as tall as it and it was wide enough to fit both girls. It was made of stone that had been worn down from erosion. Cracks were visible along the length of the arch. Elle thought it looked less than durable, like it would collapse at any second.
Reaching out, she touched the stone archway. Heart pounding, she ran her hand across the cool surface. It was a feeling she couldn’t describe, one that felt like she was home. She remembered Cara asking what she was doing. Elle had given her some stupid explanation. How could she have explained a feeling she didn’t understand herself?
Nearly every night since then, Elle had been plagued with nightmares. Terrified, she had asked Cara if the same happened to her. She had said no and left it at that. So Elle was left to figure it out on her own. She knew it was related to the arch, but what? And how could touching some old stone give someone nightmares? It didn’t make sense.
Her phone buzzed on the bedside table and fell off onto the puke colored carpet. Elle sighed and retrieved it, turning off the alarm. The past three hours had flown by. A blessing and a curse. She had to get ready for school.
Cara called just as Elle began packing up her backpack.
“Meet me outside,” was all she said. Elle hastily stuffed her textbooks into her backpack, pulled on her favorite pair of sued boots and ran down the stairs.
“Hey you!” Cara called once Elle stepped outside of her front door. Cara had never had a car or a driver’s license, but there she was, hanging out of the window of a brand new Volvo.
“Where’d you get that?” Elle asked as she made her way over. It was a sleek, silver color. The outside was so clean that Elle could see her reflection in it. The sunlight reflected off of the car’s chrome wheels.
“Early birthday present,” Cara responded, grinning. “You like? I’m giving you a ride to school so hop in.” Elle climbed into the car and barely had time to buckle her seatbelt before Cara took off.
* * *
His feet were soundless on the soft grass. Earth had changed since he last visited. The grass was sparse. There was a lot of it still, but it wasn’t quality. The green hint he had always loved seeing had disappeared, being replaced with a soft brown. The grass was dying.
Just like this planet will be soon enough. He thought.
“Fall out and search.” He called out to his soldiers. The Glass Warriors marched towards the city without a glance back.
“Find her and bring her to me,” Vaelko growled before slipping back into the portal. “Alive.”
* * *
They were late. The bell for first period rang just as they were parking. The two girls rushed inside only to be met by the principal, Mr. Barnes.
“Please go to class, Miss DeVauge,” he said, addressing Cara. “I have some business to take care of with Miss Morris.” Cara wandered away, leaving Elle alone with the principal. There was a spot of silence as they watched Cara turn the corner.
“Look, sir, I’m sorry we were late--”
“Let’s not talk about this now,” Principal Barnes interrupted. “I have more to tell you as well regarding your current grade.” He set off down the hall, not waiting for Elle to follow. She sighed and followed him.
That’s when she saw them outside of the window. There were four of them, their dark eyes staring back at her. Their skin was nearly transparent and reminded Elle of glass. They were the glass men, the ones from her nightmare. She knew they worked for the man that haunted her dreams.
“Excuse me, Principal Barnes,” Elle started cautiously. “I know it’ll be hard for you to believe this, but there’s –" She never got to finish her sentence. The wall of the school suddenly exploded, sending Elle and the principal flying through the air.
Elle hit the opposite wall and crumbled to the ground, the wind being knocked out of her. She struggled to breathe. It felt as though there were giant hands squeezing her body. Her breath came back to her slowly, but it wasn’t fast enough. They had come in through the hole in the wall and were marching towards her. She had to protect herself.
Forcing herself off the ground, she stood tall and strong. They weren’t going to get past her, these men that looked like glass. Elle had never fought anyone before. How hard could it be really? She’s seen it in the movies; someone would attack and the hero would throw a few punches. Easy.
“Miss Morris,” Principal Barnes groaned. “What’s going on?” Elle was distracted for a second and that’s all they needed. One of the men advanced and threw himself at her, slamming her down on the ground. Elle tried hard to peel the man off of her. Without thinking, she curled back her legs, placed her feet on the man’s chest and pushed. The man flew off of her and slammed into a few of his companions.
Elle lay there for a second, stunned. Where did she learn how to do that? She’d never taken karate or any other type of martial arts in her life. Regardless, the move gave her a stronger sense of confidence. Maybe she did have the right moves to defeat these men. She jumped up and prepared to fight the rest.
One rushed her, but met the bottom of her foot. It fell to the ground only to reveal another coming up behind it. Caught off guard, Elle took a few steps back. But after gaining her composure, she struck out. After throwing a few punches, she finally hit her target. She let out a cry of pain. Her fist had hit the glass man in the face, but it felt like her hand was broken. She pulled it close, cradled it against her chest and sunk to the ground.
Taking advantage of the distraction, five glass men surrounded her. They were closing in when they suddenly froze. Confused, Elle pushed herself up from the ground and looked down the hallway. Principal Barnes was nowhere to be seen. He must have fled. Standing where he was was a tall boy with black, wavy hair that reached just below his shoulders. His brown eyes flashed with recognition when they met Elle’s.
“Get down!” he yelled as he raised a giant spear. Elle didn’t need to be told twice. She fell to the ground and wrapped her body into a tight ball, not knowing what to expect.
There was a sudden sound as if a gust of wind had rushed into the school. Elle looked up just in time to see the glass men fighting against an invisible force. They were being forced away from her, being pushed closer to the doors that led outside.
The boy rushed over and helped her up. “You are Elle Morris?”
“Yes,” she responded. “How do you know me?”
“Long story. Listen, we have to get out of here, get you somewhere safe.”
“I refuse to go anywhere until I get an explanation!” Elle said, standing her ground. The boy groaned and looked back down the hall.
“Listen, we have to get moving. Do you really want to be here right now?” Elle studied the boy. He seemed to know a lot about her, but she had never met him before. She didn’t even know his name.
“Trust me,” the boy said, holding out his hand. “I’ll keep you safe.” Elle stared at it. Could she trust him? He did save her from the glass men. But for all she knew, he could secretly be one of them.
Elle heard hurried footsteps coming down the hall. Her heart beat fast. The footsteps belonged to one of two people: a glass warrior or Principal Barnes. Elle didn’t want to meet either one of them so she took Wyatt’s hand.
The wind rushed through her hair as he led her out of the hole in the wall and across the corn field, heading into the woods. Elle had taken that route once before and recognized it immediately.
They were heading towards the graveyard.
The boy led her towards to the archway. They passed by graves and statues alike, taking no notice.
“Okay, time out,” Elle said, suddenly yanking her hand from the boy’s grasp. “Tell me who you are and why you’re here.”
“My name is Wyatt. I live in a city named Bryok which is in the world Tribecta. You’re being hunted by a very powerful and dangerous magician. The only way to keep you safe is to send you to Bryok. There you’ll find a man named Malachi waiting for you. Listen to him. He’ll help.”
Elle stared. “And how do you expect me to get to Bryok?” Wyatt motioned to the archway and Elle shook her head. “No way. That’s just an archway!”
“It looks like one, but it’s really a portal.” Wyatt explained.
“Okay, too much for me; too much,” Elle said, rubbing her temple. “You expect me to believe that this archway is going to transport me to a magical city in another world?”
Wyatt shrugged. “You wanted the truth.”
There was a sudden rustling sound in the forest. Elle spun around and narrowed her eyes, her heart pounding. The glass men were coming back, she knew it.
“It’s either that or stay here and deal with them.” Wyatt said. He raised his spear and muttered a few words. The archway shone a bright blue light. Elle was mesmerized by it. It was beautiful. She decided she would go through it. It wasn't because she believed Wyatt (she didn't), but it was better than the alternative; facing the glass men again.
As if on cue, the glass men burst into the graveyard just as she walked forward.
“Go!” Wyatt called as he rushed to fight the glass men. Elle wanted to go back and help him, but the portal seemed to be pulling her in. She fought against it, trying to stay around long enough to know Wyatt was safe.
He was fighting well and winning, his spear spinning through the air. Elle felt better about leaving him alone. He was obviously skilled in the art of fighting. Then his spear was knocked out of his hands and flew into the woods. The glass men were surrounding him, forcing him to the ground.
She reached forward desperately, calling out Wyatt’s name. But it was too late. She was gone.
End of chapter
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Hello! I know it’s been a while since I reviewed your work. I’ve been very busy lately. Finally got the laptop in my hands and some peace and quiet.
Firstly I should say that I absolutely loved this chapter. Honestly, this is my favorite one from all seven chapters. You started this chapter with the perfect words. You used Elle here to create more suspense and then you showed the whole scenario. How everything kept changing as she ran. It usually happens in nightmares where you try to run but the road keeps stretching out further ahead. I just hate those dreams, they give me the creaps. This entire nightmare totally shook me. It was scary, and I could see everything so clearly, like I’ve never seen before. And it scared me for a moment. I was thinking like, ‘what’s going on here? I thought Elle was in Bryok. What’s she doing here? Did the bad guy already get her?’ (Great job holding the suspense for so long)
“No doors, no windows, nothing. It was killing her inside, eating at her soul. They needed help and she couldn’t reach them.” (Oh the feeling of helplessness. This was desplayed flawlessly.)
One thing...
1. “She’s seen it in the movies; someone would attack...” It should be ‘She’d seen it’ instead of she’s.
Coming to blacksheep’s point. Here’s my view about the new character. I think it was better that you described the entire scene like the story was about Elle from the start. It was either this or the boring description of Elle telling us what happened. Compared to that, what you chose to do was the best option here. It sure kept me engrossed. This way, by the end of the chapter, all my questions were answered (the ones I asked in my previous reveiw).
And although this might happen in a lot of stories but this was just one short scene. Your own story is one of a kind. One that’s completely original so I’d advice you to NOT change anything here. Please,
Speaking of one of a kind. I’ve never heard of glass men before. I’ve seen iron man, steal men, water cloans bot never glass. Keep your spirits high and keep working on new ideas like these. They’re awesome.
Back again
I'm still reading on to find out where this is going. If it were me though, I would totally take out these Elle parts. Either write a story about Ryder, or write a story about Elle. It doesn't seem to be working for me to mesh the two together.
--It was the twelfth time she had woken up three hours before she needed to.--
This line does not make much sense to me
--They had walked it several times, but had never past through the Eastside Cemetery.--
passed
You had a pretty great cliffhanger at the end of this chapter! I hope Wyatt is alright.
Alright, so I know my last review had a lot of complaints, and this one is going to have a few as well. Take it with a grain of salt, it's just my opinion after all ^_^
I don't really like the direction this is going. I thought what you had was at the beginning was perfect; we had Ryder and her friends in this fantasy world, becoming Hunters and Healers and everything felt perfect. Your characters had beautiful chemistry and this whole world (thought it was a bit Hunger Games) felt real and I was always so immersed in your scenes. Seriously, I loved it.
And then out of nowhere you throw this Elle girl and portals into this world, and all of a sudden we have the overused 'high school girl gets thrown into a mythical world' scenario. I mean, I've read a ton of these things, and they're all the same. For some reason, Elle is the only one that felt a strange presence at the archway. She finds herself facing these glass guys. Not once is she scared out of her wits, she simply tries a few moves and beats them up. In the end, she's rescued by a handsome warrior from this other world and is then whisked away to Narnia. For some reason, everyone wants her because she has some strange power.
The whole thing is just so uninteresting to me. You really had a great thing with Ryder and her friends, and the conflict with the Hunters and everything was great. I don't see why you had to throw Elle or what kind of purpose she will hold in this story.
Again, it's my opinion! You can take it or leave it
I like how you built up tension using this chapter, everything is suspended around her moment of arrival and the way you described how each perosn got there makes it all the more interesting. I was actually planning to do this in my novel soon, it really builds up tension when the reader has to wait to find out what happens.
I like how your novel has turned out, from the start of it i was thinking it would be so much more centred on the hunters test side of thingsn but as of recently it has changed all too much, which is giving the novel a new feelings, keep it up.
I want to see what happens to her when she is on the other side. I also want to see what happens when Ryder and her finally meet apart from that introductory conversation they werer having in the last chapter
Also may i ask how to pronounce Elle, is it pronounced as simple L or is it ell-lee
you know i always got confused because its pronounced differently by people but spelt the same
do get the next chapter up quickly
Elle is just pronounced as L. And I'm glad you felt the tension, that's what I wanted you to get out of it