I stand in front of the mirror,
glasses on.
their clarity throws every flaw
into sharp relief:
pimples, frizz,
teeth not yet straightened.
it's as if I’m watching a movie in HD
except everyone in a movie is perfect,
and I’m not even close.
but I gave up caring long ago.
(even though it still hurts)
sometimes, I stand in front of the mirror
glasses off.
my face blurs
into simple shapes and colors
pleasantly round face,
natural golden highlights,
a quiet smile.
gone are the flaws
that prick my heart
and narrow my vision.
(why can’t I always see like this?)
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140,216 Literary Works • 673,044 Reviews
Omg I love this.
Note: this is one of my entries for the Big Review. It also happens to be my 100th review. Enjoy!
Introduction:
Hey there, meandbooks!
I can't wait to review this one. Because it's my 100th review, I'm going to try a new style of feedback. This is fairly short, so I'll pick a few lines to analyze and talk about the overall content of the poem.
Ready? Set? Go!
Analysis:
When you first read this line, it appears to be quite unremarkable. But that's because it's remarkable, actually. The cadence you establish here with the comma before 'glasses on', although I can't explain it, is quite brilliant, actually. You're starting, first and foremost, with the narrator's voice.
"Sharp relief" is an interesting phrase, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be picturing here. For me, the words "sharp" and "relief" incite two very different pictures. "Sharp" is a razor-edged word. "Relief" is soft and undulating.
I like this idea, but I feel like the way it's presented here is a little awkward, and doesn't really express the emotion it's designed to express. For me, I think that's because so far you've only given your reader images--powerful images, I might add--and this section of internal dialogue is less powerful.
That's not to say that it isn't an interesting idea, but it doesn't (for me, at least) really carry the same weight as the other lines. I love your writing, but (to me), this doesn't feel like those striking images from before. It seems a bit bitter, like the narrator is cutting off the reader from the poem.
Small note: I'd put a comma after this first line, to be consistent with your slightly-altered other beginning line ("I stand in front of the mirror, / glasses off.")
This usage of "face", after you used it two lines ago, breaks up the poem a bit. I'd use either a synonym, like "visage", or just cut the word out altogether ("pleasantly round").
This line is a bit... off for me. "Natural golden highlights" sounds fake, like what they would say in a commercial. It doesn't really add to the image, so I would cut it out altogether. It's a nice line, and for anyone else I'd say keep it, but you're an excellent writer and hold yourself to a higher standard. Congratulations. Really.
At first, I was going to nitpick about how the girl had her glasses off, so she couldn't really see the smile in detail, but now I realize that this is important for another reason. Yeah, she can't really see the smile, but she can see inside herself (mind, hopes, dreams, personality, etc.), and she "sees" that quiet smile anyway. It's a gem hidden in the poem. An easter egg, you might say. I think this line really tells us more about the narrator than any other. Maybe.
I'm not sure what you mean here by "narrow my vision". It's a bit confusing, and I'd love an explanation. It seems well-intentioned, but I didn't see any reference to that in the first stanza, so...
This is an intriguing use of parentheses--but not in a bad way! I take them as an idiosyncratic way of expressing internal dialogue.
Content and Interpretation:
Right from the start, the reader is exposed to the trembling-but-pure voice of the narrator, and all of his/her quirks (I imagine her to be a her, but there's nothing in the poem to indicate anything either way. Not a problem, just a thought). I really enjoyed his/her snippets of internal dialogue and the usage of parentheses, which (I think) distances the narrator from her own thoughts, creating sort of a wall between reality and inside her head, which is quite interesting in its own right.
Your narrator's voice is sweet and quite complex. Your reader can tell that, underneath his/her simple, soft tone, he/she has a deep internal dialogue going on. Without the poem's focus actually having to go anywhere else (to school or work, for example), we're able to draw conclusions about what this girl's internal monologue means for her external one. Basically, you're leaving space for the reader to fill in the blank--and I love it. Excellent job.
Resources - For the Future:
Today I have four piping hot resources for you, so come on up and pay a penny each! Just kidding.
Although I would like the donation. *cough**cough*
1. The National Writing Project's website is full of vital resources to writers all over the world. Their article/how to guide, "Channeling Emotion", is exceptional.
Link: http://www.nwp.org/cs/public/print/resource/402
2. PoetryArchive.org's definition of "imagery" is not only accurate, but inspiring. Check it out!
Link: http://www.poetryarchive.org/glossary/imagery[/b]
3. Poetry Power provides a fairly basic but helpful resource on metaphors.
Link: http://www.powerpoetry.org/actions/7-ti ... -metaphors
4. Mary Fumento is an excellent poet, one I think worthy of your attention. Here's her website... it's a bit strange looking, but some poems are there anyway.
Link: www.maryfumento.com
Sign Off:
Excellent job, Meandbooks! You used powerful imagery and strong internal narration to create an idiosyncratic and alluring poem with an even stronger message.
Keep writing, and--as we say in my hometown--don't forget to be awesome.
IronSpark
Hello, Meandbooks! KatyaElefant here with another review! Let's see what we have right here
I think that this poem is superb. It really is a great poem! It's probably my favorite out of all the ones that I've read so far. It has amazing imagery even though it is under 500 words. It has a great theme and idea. I mean who couldn't say that this is a great poem?
Now, something that is bothering me is those words that are in parentheses. They seem to work with the poem but then when you read them, they interpret the process of you reading and that is kind off annoying at times. I like them but if you are to keep them, you should have been transition into the poem a little bit better.
When I finished this poem, I felt as if I were left hanging. I felt as if I were missing some sort of the poem. There just had to be an extra stanza lying around there somewhere. There just had to but I didn't see it and I think that this poem deserves an extra stanza. Perhaps about going out into the world or something like that?
I have an idea for a sort of sequel that might be a good idea. It's very similar to this version but is not quite the same thing. I know when I go to the pool, I don't wear my glasses so I'm splashing around and having a great time and I don't judge anybody for anything. Then, I put on my glasses and my vision sharpens and suddenly I realize that the people I have been swimming with aren't the most attractive(by today's standards) people that I could have met. After this, I instantly regret putting my glasses on. You could totally write something just like this!
Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant
Hi Meandbooks!
This poem feels like it needs a third stanza. Seeing as your first stanza is about the flaws of your physical body that you see in high definition, the second one is about how you look if you don't look hard, I think the next logical progression here is what you would look like if you didn't look at yourself at all, except from the perspective of someone else who wouldn't just pick apart your flaws, but see you as the person you really are, both with beauty and imperfection.
Because you and I think that God is awesome, you may want to put it in what you may see from God's perspective... the poison-tinged fingertips from all the sin, the quiet smile as you accept the lot of life, the frizz which only became worse as you splashed in puddles of the rain... so basically, take a chance and go deeper and look further than the mere physical with this third stanza.
If you don't want to do God (though, I really like that idea because it's a creative use in evangelization without bashing people's heads in), use another perspective who can look at you with love. I know that I, as a mother, can look past the baby fuzz mullet, the mostly toothless smile, and the bruises she collects as she learns to stand (hint: there's a lot of falling involved) and yet she is just the most beautiful thing ever to me. I can see the blending of both me and her daddy, and yet see that spark that is just her coming out. It's fantastic.
Anyway, just some two cents!
Hey, that's a good point, I never thought about it that way...in a way, God has the most perfect vision of all. What you said here wasn't really my intention (it's supposed to be more a metaphor for perfectionism than anything), but it's definitely given me something to think on.
Thanks!
This is a very well thought threw story with good literary devices used to create it keep up the good work
I liked how you had lots of good description about you can see with glasses and without
Well I do not actually have glasses so I cannot relate to this
I like the idea. I myself use glasses and I admit some things do look better without them. Remember to capitalize each line and after periods.
Hello CapitalMonday, flying in for a review for you today! First off, I wear glasses and most of this poems speaks to me through tone and words used in this poem. I feel this could speak to anyone who have glasses/contacts on a level of knowing that we all looked in the mirror in some point in life, wondering why we couldn't blur out the images we see of ourselves (sometimes).
This poems shows to people how that people with glasses want to feel as pretty as the people without glasses. The images we see in the mirror, are as you say, HD visions of every pimple or every scar we have on our face then when we take off our glasses, we see a perfect face, pimple-less or scar-less.
If I could say anything about this poem, is that I don't think anything needs to be changed since a lot of people can relate.
Sorry for the long review (post I'm not sure).
CapitalMonday
I wear glasses too, this is a very in depth perception on yourself. I like how you stopped caring and won't let your flaws get to you! Everyone is unique and awesome in their own way.
This is a great piece that encapsulates humanities strive for perfection which, unfortunately, we can never attain. This piece also signifies the eternal struggle we have with ourselves, plus the vanity slave, no matter how dormant in all of us. I really enjoyed reading this piece great work!
YES ^^ THIS IS LIFE
You totally got to me. You know, sometimes I too remove my glasses and the world blurs into a melancholy of colors scattered without definite boundaries and it feels like I'm looking at the world's miniature version from the sky, so diverse and yet mixed up and then just as you put those glasses back on its like the world comes back into existence and you are alive all over again with the tiny details that adorn the walls and that's a little disorienting at first. Beautiful execution with that.
The flow of the poem is very simple and it's coming right out from the heart and that's why it affects the readers and people who wear glasses (including me) can totally relate to the theme, so once again good work there.
So in all, the poem is beautiful? Yes. Could it be better? Yes. But a marvelous effort. God knows why but I'll give you a 9/10. You can always do better. Keep Writing. I'll look forward to your further work.
This was a pretty piece. I don't see anything wrong with it. I who don't have the need for glasses can't relate, but the words you used made me feel as if I could. You have a true talent with words. This was really well crafted. Usually I follow this with advice to help you make it better, but I have none it is that perfect.
good job.
~Inked.
Hey, Tigerlilly here for a review!
Being someone with glasses, I can totally relate to this! I love my glasses, but sometimes things are so much simpler and nice without them and their harshness to detail. I feel, though, that we were meant to see these details, just in other things. Such as the beauty of morning dew and the soft rolling of the waves at sea... Sometimes details are meant to be seen, yet these days people take advantage of it and make us feel like nothing. Oh, it seems like I've gotten carried away again...
Anyways this was an excellent poem and I really love it! I don't find anything really that I could change... Its amazing. Keep writing, I look forward to reading more of your work!
This is a very nice piece of contemporary poetry. I like the message and theme. Nice, eloquent word choice shapes the poem. I think that you possess the talent to write even more poetry.
Good luck!
Hi meandbooks
it's me teacake013 here to review.
I thoroughly read your work and loved you're title for one and loved the poem over all.
Also I know it takes a lot to publish you're works so I respect that completely and utterly.
Other than loving your poem
I feel like I should give you a little tip that been helping me lately.
I should suggested reading out loud, but it's so important that I have no hesitation in telling you this . The sound of poetry is fundamental, and unless you read each draft out loud again and again you cannot begin to make the best choices. By which I mean choices of vocabulary, punctuation, line breaks: they are all so tightly interwoven that they can hardly be considered separately.
Hope you keep on improving and writing you're heart out!.!
Love , Teacake013