I’d like to say I love you, though the word
is empty now. The poets’ broken hope
absorbed its life - diluted, now it’s heard
in every declaration of small scope.
Although you ask, I can’t with comfort say
that Love needs more than simple joy to spark.
Candle or roaring blaze, they both hold sway
o’er human heart - it is enough to mark.
And anyway, I'd rather tell you how
horizons look from space - for we will fly.
We’ll pump our wings and burst above the cloud,
And only land when we reach mountains high.
I laugh with you the way I do with few.
I could say more, but “friends” will have to do.
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Nice poem and kinda true. With the term "I love you" as an over used term it seems almost empty any way
I cant find any misspeling. And it kinda shows how hard it is to confess to a crush. Any way o’er is very clever in writing so props for that : )
"they both hold sway
o’er human hears"
so this feels odd to read because of the fact that it really isnt worded right. (Mabey its a poetry thing I dont know) anyway good job and keep writing : D
You write with great language. However, something you have to watch out for is putting to many ideas into one paragraph which is what you did here. It makes the poem really hard to read and to comprehend. Otherwise this is fine. Good work.
A wonderful sonnet!
. The same way 'God' is written with a capital G.
.
First, I like how you managed to use the Shakespearean sonnet in a modern sense to describe love; its highs, its lows, its intimacy, its commitment...etc. Awesome!
I like how you capitalized 'Love' in the second line of the second stanza. It gives the impression that you talk about love as some 'ethereal entity', something so pure and magnificent. Yes, a transcendent power
The imagery and rhetorical devices in your sonnet are worthy of admiration. But I think you should work more on the meter. It doesn't have to be an iambic pentameter as in Shakespeare's sonnets, but at least make the sonnet more musical. Concerning the rhyme scheme, it is cool
Ah! one more thing. Why did you say 'o'er' in the last line of the second stanza? I know you wanted to make the sonnet appear more classical. But it doesn't suit the modern language used all over the poem; it's like saying ''Thou shalt study hard today because thou hast an English exam tomorrow''. So, you should either write a normal 'over' or just rephrase the whole poem to seem more archaic (which is less preferable). So, I think you'd better just say 'over'
All in all, I give your sonnet an 8.5/10.
Keep up. And yes! don't forget to share more poems with us.
Have a beautiful day!
Thanks for the review! The o'er is because of the syllable and stress requirement of the sonnet format - it turns "over" from one non-stressed and one stressed syllable into just one unstressed syllable.
(So yes, this is in full iambic pentameter.)
Hi! Sarah12 here to review.
I'll start by saying this is really good! There is a lot of imagery that gives the sonnet life. My favorite lines would have to be "We'll pump our wings and burst above the cloud,/ And only land when we reach mountains high."
One thing that confused me, though, is the fist two lines. Why is "I love you" empty? Maybe I missed something.
In the second stanza, second line, I just have a question: why did you capitalize "love"? This is personal opinion, and you definitely don't have to change it, but I think it would look better aesthetically if you left it lowercase. Again, personal choice, so you don't have to change anything with that.
In the second stanza again, the last line, I think "o'er" would flow better if you wrote it out as "over".
Other than that, I can't see anything else that could be changed. Great job, and keep writing!
Sarah12