Burnout

Hey.

You used a bulb for such a deep content. This deserves an ovation. I loved it, just not the punctuation part :p otherwise it was cool. Good job. I loved how this worked out, and the title also fits in. Somehow I feel, you should've extended it a bit more.

It would've been really nice to read more of it, mainly because of imagery. Then, the stanza formation was good enough. This looks like a rough up thing, but it is a good one (if it was)

Keep writing and stay blessed.

xoxo

Fantasydragon01 in the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nice poem you got there. You're i's should really be capitalized. It is so important. But other than that, you did a good job. Everything seemed to flow smoothly.No errors. No nothing except for the lowercase i's. It is very well-written and I praise your work. I love poetry and songs very much. I enjoy reading poetry and songs( only if they're good and all).
I really like the last 2 stanzas. The other parts talk about when a light bulb will burn out and then the last stanzas talk about how long will the person will take before he or she burns out. Wow, that is very impressive and creative.
There really is not much to say. It is short, sweet, and to the point. I like that. Good job. Never give up!
Good luck and keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01.

I like this one. It isn't very poetic though. The format is awkward too. I like how it seems so big, like a whole new world, but its really a small light bulb we all fail to notice until it is gone. Like all the simple things in life the light bulb gives so much to us all and yet we fail to notice until darkness covers us. Perhaps though try making this into a small essay or short story and not a poem. It may end up flowing better. Also, your last two stanzas I wasn't capitalized, both of them. Poetry or not I must be capitalized. Otherwise nicely done.

Hello there! cleverclogs here for a Review day review!

This was so well-thought out. It's like every word was chosen carefully and precisely. You don't see that a whole lot, so hats off to you. I have a soft spot for lack of capitalization in poetry, and this poem is no exception. It really changes the tone; makes it feel smaller and more introspective. I love the vivid imagery and the comparison of the lightbulb to you (that's not a sentence I get to write every day).

If there was anything I think could use improvement, it's the subtlety of the metaphor. It's fairly obvious what you're trying to get across, but I think you could make it a bit more ambiguous. Up until the last two lines, it feels like a great description of a lightbulb in poem form (I wish I could think of a better way to word that). In the last two lines, it feels like a passing thought you had in class. More description and ambiguity would make it match more with the rest of the poem. That's a really small problem, though. I just have to say something useful.

Overall, great poem. There's not much else to say. Keep up the fantastic work!

Hi!
I really liked this sentiment- I really, really liked it. The way you focus on a small thing and make it suddenly sound like... a world... is amazing and admirable. T
he big problem for me is that it doesn't sound like a poem. It just sounds like an idea, a musing, and the short lines and stanzas break that beautiful thought up. I would consider putting this into a story, to even a piece of a memoir or essay. Either I think you should format it differently, or rephrase the entire piece (but I wouldn't).
Sorry this is so short, but I really couldn't see what else was wrong with this poem. Good job, and keep writing~
~Satira