I’m almost out of ink; it’s time
to finish what I have to say,
put down my pen and walk away
I’ve work to do and games to play,
and nothing lucid left to say
through these trying times I’ve scrawled
these scattered sticky notes, but nothing’s changed
with pages nearly filled, it’s time
to turn my thoughts to future days,
put down my pen and walk away
I’ve work to do and games to play,
but all I see ahead is grey
I’ve papered over these prison walls,
but the nights are still loud silence and fog
with tears already wept, it’s time
to leave my fears where now they lay,
put down my pen and walk away
I’ve work to do and games to play,
though all this doubt is here to stay
there should be a period at the end of this sentence,
but all I have are question marks?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,367 Literary Works • 672,541 Reviews
Hello Mea! I'm here to review this wonderful poem!
First off, I have to say this is one of the few poems where I've enjoyed repetition. It really evokes the monotony of repeating days, and I actually like how you've repeated the lines "I've work to do and games to play" and "put down my pen and walk away".
That being said, I think ending two lines in one stanza with "say" is getting a bit too repetitive.
In fact, these two lines both end with "to say". I would suggest trying to vary this a little bit, but it's really a personal choice and up to you.
Also, I see that you've chosen to avoid periods, which might be a reference to the ending two lines; but if this is an unintentional thing, and not stylistic, there are a few places I would recommend putting commas. Well really, two places that repeat. After every "put down my pen and walk away" line I would add a period, and I would end every stanza with a period.
But, if you're making the choice to actively avoid periods, then that is totally up to you.
All in all, this poem is really impactful and your language is beautiful. I hope this review was helpful!
Keep writing!
Whatchamacallit
Hello! I have come to review your poem today! I really love so many things about this poem so I really want to get into this!
I really love the rhyme scheming in this poem! This has such a lovely rhythm and rhyming that's really nice to enjoy, lovely to read, and is genuinely done so well in this poem! I love the repetition in this poem as it repeats the following lines:
"to turn my thoughts to future days,
put down my pen and walk away
I’ve work to do and games to play"
It goes very well with how you describe how you have "Ran out of ink" or "pages nearly filled" as it shows how often this person is writing to a point where they use their whole journal or the rest of their pen but they can't worry about because they have work to do and games to play. But yet at the same time, there are lines like
"there should be a period at the end of this sentence,
but all I have are question marks?"
I’ve papered over these prison walls,
but the nights are still loud silence and fog"
This shows uncertainty among the writer, but to show this more:
"and nothing lucid left to say"
"but all I see ahead is grey"
"though all this doubt is here to stay"
This hammers in the fact, the writer feels something but doesn't have anything left to say. They feel imprisoned, doubtful, and they feel and see grey but they don't know what to say. They don't know how to express this since they used all their ink and filled in their notebook, but even after that they still feel the same. But they can't focus on that because they have work and they have to play. This reflects that sometimes feelings can't be written away, and the way you wrote it is incredibly beautiful and done so well with the rhyming and flow again. Other lines like
"Time to turn my fear to future days"
"With tears already wept"
This only reinforces the idea that the writer is scared and sad as they vent all these struggles into their writing, the one time of the day where they get to vent their problems and get to write. But in the end, they can't end their poem or writing, because there lay questions still unanswered and feelings still needing to be addressed
I hope I understood the message of this poem correctly, it's very beautiful and I adore this poem to my core! Excellent emotional language, lovely vocabulary that was wisely chosen and advance, and overall a very well written poem! Sorry if I repeated my self a lot, I adore this poem!
Keep writing!