Little sister,
have I ever told you
what you mean to me?
I love your devilish little grin,
the way your eyes scrunch up,
revealing tiny, perfect teeth.
It makes my heart melt
into one of those puddles
you splash in,
soaking me.
I love how little things delight you
a ladybug landing on your finger,
or an afternoon of play.
I wish toys could still bring me
such joy.
I love your heartfelt kisses,
and the sticky-fingered embraces
with which you greet me
when the bus dumps me on the driveway,
shoulders slumped and backpack heavy.
I love how there is no deceit
in those little arms that squeeze me tight.
You enthusiasm is a spring breeze
on a muggy summer’s day
that should have been kinder.
I hold you close,
wishing I could stop time
so I can preserve this moment.
I love that I can make mistakes
and you’ll still love me.
Thank you, little sister, for that gift.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Awww this is so sweet!! <3 <3
This made me tear up!
Oh, thank you.
That means a lot.
I love this poem! So heartfelt and touching
keep up the great work!
Heya!
Augustus here.
Firstly, Thank you for writing this particular poem.
This is just beautiful. I am speechless. My little sister is two and a half years old and this poem is just, so much relatable.
I am not going to point out any mistake or anything. Partially because other people have done it already and partially because this poem is perfect as it is.
I would love to hear more from you.
Goodbye and Good luck.
Hi meandbooks, here are some of my thoughts on your poem:
Firstly, this is a lovely little poem with a good meaning. You have the right sentiment in terms of why you are writing poetry. Keep writing and practicing and playing because you are on to something with your efforts.
The question to start the poem is nice and it really helps ground us in what the rest of your poem will address. It's simple, but adds a type of narrative. The last line can be cut because we know that the rest of the poem will answer it for us. It's also an overused answer that we can express better in the body of the poem.
The image with the teeth is great! This would be a great time to use a simile or metaphor. They are the bread and butter of poetry, so don't be afraid to use them. Of course, you also don't need to go overboard either.
You have done that in the second half with the puddle. To me, you are using a phrase or expression and turning it into a metaphor. But this isn't really new or exciting. The idea of her splashing in a puddle is wonderful though. Instead of making a vague, general interest in puddle splashing, why not make it an immediate action? It is better to see images than simply know.
Here you are playing with images. Very nice!
The word "heartfelt" is boring. However, "sticky-fingered" is a terrific image! The last half of this stanza starts to reflect too much on the narrator. This poem is about the little sister and her actions. The images themselves should make us feel what the narrator feels. If the narrator has to tell us, then it rather defeats the purpose.
The first sentence is this stanza is great. It tells us exactly what you said in the second half of the last stanza, except this sentence does it with imagery. It shows us emotion. The third and fourth lines are a bit of a cliche. They stick out as a little too Shakespearean in a poem that doesn't fit that style. "Preserve your innocence" is also kind of cliche. Find an image that shows the narrator is concerned for her innocence. Again, please don't tell us this directly; it's boring when it's simply a statement.
This first stanza can be cut. You deviate from your earlier style and try to get a little too philosophical vocabulary-wise. Don't let your light-style poem get bogged down with this heaviness. You can philosophy, but the style shouldn't waver too far off. The second stanza is nice, but an example would be nice. It ends rather nicely.
Poetry dedicated to others
There are many famous poets who have dedicated poems to other people; this may even be the most popular type of poetry. In most of these poems, the author has focused on the other person and their appearance/actions instead of the narrator. This is because the other person inspires emotions in the narrator that shouldn't be explained outright to the reader. We should be able to feel the emotions you want to convey just be learning about the other person.
This is a very nice poem! Good luck on revision!
Best,
Trident
Thank you so much! This is really helpful.
I'm glad it was helpful!
Hey there.
I really enjoyed what you did here. Used simple language but expressed it very well. Often, we don't realize the importance of many people in our life and you've brought up a very different version of our siblings. It was great to read this.
Though, there wasn't a proper flow to it, you know what I mean? I understand this might be the way you write, but I'm just giving you my opinion. Make the lines flow, it's not necessary to make them rhyme, but there has to be some liquidity.
Anyways, I didn't find any glitches in your grammar, though I prefer capitals at the beginning of every line, not important, but it makes your composition look proper.
Rest, it was a great poem. I liked it a lot, captivating, in a way..
Keep smiling and have a great life
Hi there. donizback here for a review. I hope you'll find my review helpful.
Technically, I avoid reviewing stuff where @Tuesday, our legend, has already wrote a review on. But this is a beautiful poem and I really feel like writing something on it - you know, just to feel honored that I reviewed such a beautiful poem.
So, here I go!
Can we change the "can" to "could", please? It would make the sentence look kinda better, in my point of view.
Missed it the first time I read it. haha
Put a "s" after the word melt. Make it "melts".
Wait! You should either put a period/full stop after "you" or use a semi colon.
What do you mean? These two lines are just not similar to what you said in your first two sentences of this particular stanza.
You simply ignored a trick here. Where are the punctuation anyway? Not using them made this stanza kinda odd. And this stanza, to me, doesn't make any sense. I tried to read it like 5 times but it just makes no sense. What do you mean by "at the end of another day full of the world insisting?
More or less, it was a great poem and I loved it. A bit of more work on it can make it a real masterpiece. Good luck with it and you can always message me for recommendations.
@Don Adding an s after melt would be grammatically incorrect.
Hello Tuesday here for a review. i like to begin that i could well relate to this poem since i have a little sister (i mean she is 2 years younger than me) but this poem reminds me of the times where we would still do the things in this poem or something. I enjoyed that this does seem like a musical rhythm of beats or off-beats internally plus the internal rhymes. Also I would say the tone of this could be happiness or joyfulness.
at the end of the beginning stanza, I would suggest taking out this because it seems like you are just going on and stopping with this line. More or less, a waste of words or something.Nitpick(s):
Overall, I would like to say that i like the way you start with the same beginning (in a different way) since you are almost pleading your little sister that you love how she is and hopefully, she will never change what she is or something. Also the internal rhymes are like a bow on a present since they give this poem a rhythm to whenever will read this. Plus I would say that most people have siblings of their own (some little, some big) to which they could some how relate to this poem.
Farewell,
Tuesday