I’m not funny,
And I never will be.
I’m not smiling,
But that’s not what you see.
~
I am alone,
My friends out on loan.
I am afraid,
Fake smiles and switchblades.
~
I will be fine,
No more noose made of twine.
No longer impaired,
Not that you’ve ever cared.
~
I am not funny,
And I never will be.
But it’s all right-
Because that’s just me.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,775 Reviews
wow, this is such a great poem! I really like the way it flows. and I love the words you used, they have so many double meanings, and are so powerful. I love the title it's really what drew me in. and the topic is great. I think the way you formatted it was a great choice.
my favorite part is when you said:
it has a kind of eerie element to it.
things to improve: there weren't any typos that I caught.
I hope this review was helpful
keep writing!
-Nicole
Thanks!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! Just a quick disclaimer I don't usually review poetry, this is for the checklist challenge, so I can't really point out anything technical, but I'll try and interpret the poem as I see it and tell you what I think.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that's a bit of a strong statement there to kick things off. Especially if you interpret this a bit deeply. On the surface if we're going for a more light hearted meaning it seems like someone denying a claim that they're a funny person, but on the other had it sounds like someone that's in a bit of a tough situation while someone is attempting to either make fun of the person or make light of the situation that they are in.
Well, this part certainly seems to support the darker meaning here. Here it appears this person is saying that they don't have any friends and the ones that they do are fake ones only there to stab them in the back at the most opportune moment.
Soo...that takes an interesting turn in the poem. Here it seems to touch on perhaps the darkest part of the poem here where this person almost seems to have gotten to a point that they perhaps felt suffocated and restricted by something...but then they find their way out. It seems to tell whoever it is that they are talking to that they've gotten free of whatever it is caused the issues in the first stanza....but its not like said person would even notice.
And so it ends on a note where this person almost seems to have accepted whatever it is caused this issue in the first place and has decided to move on somehow here. At this point I do have to wonder what exactly the word "funny' might be referring, it feels like that is quite important, especially with those two lines getting repeated there with suggests that this is meant to be emphasized in this journey the person undergoes from the first stanza to the last one.
Well...anyway, that's about all I've managed to glean from this one. It was a pretty interesting poem to read
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey Lizzy!
I am new to reviewing poetry, so forgive me if I misinterpret something!
I really liked this poem and how you conveyed the mental state of a person in the form of verse. It is obvious that the person is battling some kind of depression and is trying to convince themselves that they are going to be okay. It feels like he/she has a lot inside them that never finds the proper expression and there is no one in their life who sees them for who they really are.
I really liked this part. Sometimes we lie and fake in order to hide what we are truly feeling, and more than often the people in our lives buy those projections. I think it is a very lonely feeling when you expect someone to get you and they don't.
I also liked the person's conviction that they are going to be fine. I am not sure if it is denial, but I thought it is really strong that they are trying to fight back against this feeling.
Overall, this was a really powerful and relatable poem. I enjoyed reading this.
Keep up the good work and have a great day!
Thank you so much for your kind review!
Hey! Forever here with a review!
I will try the YWS critique sandwich to review your poem. Let's see what I can do.
What I liked: The poem is actually great. I really like how you portrayed the depression of a person through a poem. Loneliness is kind of very lonely and the poem too feels to have a very sad tone. If I am not wrong, it kind of shows how people treat depressed people. And well, facade. A worldwide thing it has become now. It shows how people tend to avoid depressed people making them more deprrssed. This is really pathetic. Your poem made me think about that. So, it has a lot of emotions in it.
What you could improve on
Quite a hard thing to say. Let's speak of the doubts. I guess clarifying doubts is also a part of improvement.
This line is kind of confusing. What does the people not see? The inner pain that led to the condition? If that is so, I would suggest editing the line a bit. After reading the line, it kind of feels like the people don't see that you are not smiling. Wait. That too could be a thing. People don't see your pain. Hmm.. idk...It was a bit confusing tho.
This line too feels kind of confusing and I don't have the slightest interpretation.
Now the rhyme pattern. I wonder if this poem actually has a rhyme pattern. Like in the first stanza, abcb. In the second, it's ddef. In the third, it's gghh. In the fourth, ijkj. That can be a thing. Maybe just change swutchblades to switchblade. It seems to be better.
Overall
Overall, it was quite a great poem with some great themes. I really liked it. It was simple yet very valuable.
Keep Writing!!
~Forever
Hey Lizzy! Incoming review!
I know this poem is simple, but the last two lines come off as too simple. This discusses a serious topic but I would like to see some figurative language in here. You could change the lines to something like, "I'm smiling, But inside is anarchy." If you were to add more, I'd also like to see more into our narrator's life, and why they feel the way they do.It's always so powerful to see a poem such as this one. Poetry isn't all dainty descriptions of nature, or absolute detriment. But let me get on with the review.
I'll go stanza by stanza starting with the first one.
Okay lemme just say your inclusion of switchblades are *chef's kiss* It's the Outsiders lover in me. But, the second line is confusing. Do you mean they're taking loans? Or are they acting like their life is a loan they'll pay back? Or maybe loan in used in a way I'm not familiar with. But the message of the stanza is chilling. I know this isn't the intended way of interpretation but I can just see a mentally ill person being seen as wielding blades in order to harm others. Because there is this stigma of mentally ill people committing violent crimes when in reality those people are most likely to be victims of these crimes. Just a thought I had that could be a different interpretation.
I like this one. Especially the last two lines. Its someone celebrating they are no longer suffering, but there's still that voice that lingers saying, "No one cared about you."
While I like the happier ending, I don't know if it's a satisfying one. I might add more to how they decided not to end it all, maybe for a pet or project they want to keep working on. I just want something more.
But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of this useful. And keep on writing! Anyway byeeeeeee<3
Thank you for your review! To clarify, my use of the word loan was something similar to them letting other people people use them. Really, it was a way to express how the narrator is alone. Again, thanks for the review!
heyo Lizzy! i'll be reviewing for you today! xD
Based on your description, you bring up the fact that the person telling the story is depressed and yet they do not give in to their thoughts. I personally never like when mental health is brought into poetry because it's already a stigmatized topic and writing poetry can underline the poet's thoughts and possibly not what the general public want to hear. Although! This doesn't really seem like that, and it shows a truth to a group that is demonized.
{I’m not funny,
And I never will be.}
The growth the teller goes through in the span of this shorter poem is a really nice change to what i've seen on the subject before. I assume that the repetition of those two main phrases has something to do with that, and it does work well! I do think that there could have been some slight alterations done to really hit home that they are actually finding happiness in their life instead of hiding behind a smile though.
I will also assume that the rhyming scheme going on is also to release some of the tension that comes along with this subject as well under further is said on that. It's not something I would've done just because I'm not a fan of rhyming and keeping true to the same scheme for a whole poem, but good on you for working it out!
{I am alone,
My friends out on loan.}
Speaking of rhyme, this feels kind of forced to me. I get the statement of it, and that they feel as though their friends are just giving them pity time or using them for someone to talk to whenever it comes up. That's a sentiment that many people share in their lives, especially people who are teenagers or young adults. I just believe that the terms could be changed slightly, and that the juxtaposition of "alone" and "my friends" seems to be misplaced. They aren't your friends if you loan them out for a day or two.
But speaking of accuracy to the theme you mentioned in the description, it works! I think that's a really good thing to touch on, actually. Of course, bullying is a big problem that leads to depression and possibly more, but the fact that kids are even having issues making and staying with people who will be kind and show them respect is another. Most people do not even notice it anyway, especially if the kid in question was seen as more of a quiet type or someone who was "just a little shy" to begin with.
{I will be fine,
No more noose made of twine.}
Again, a bit of a confusing way to word this. I understand the sentiment and agree that it fits the narrative created really well, especially for someone so young. I do think that the choice of bringing in the noose and the mention of twine just doesn't fit together with the rest of the poem's atmosphere. If this was originally about suicide in depth like that where the character goes through the motions of considering and planning, it would make more sense. This is basically just about the social aspect of depression.
I'm also pretty sure that "noose" isn't the plural form of that word. I'm not exactly sure though, because I know that the similar word moose can be both and still accurate. Things like grammar and word tenses were never my best in school xD
{But it’s all right-
Because that’s just me.}
Great ending! I love the progression of the character ending up liking themselves and something about them that can be seen as less than ideal despite contrary reactions from other people their age. I do feel like it is rushed in some areas, but paired with the fact it's a rhyming and repeating poem, it works nicely! ^^
Grimm <3
Thanks for the review!