These scars on my heart
My soul and my skin,
Were made by family
And people called kin,
~
My scars make me solid,
My scars make me strong,
A composition of stories,
A composition of songs,
~
Through the sting of betrayal,
Through the pain of regret,
Each scar tells a story,
One I’ll never forget.
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139,664 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
wow! this was a great poem! I really love the rhythm it has to it. it was just such an amazing poem all around!
Thanks so much!
hey @LizzyTyler here is a quick review
so we going to get started on your poem!
First this poem called Scars was actually impressive this was a awesome poem i ever read and i also have a good line to show you and i be keep reading it and reading it My scars make me solid,
My scars make me strong,
A composition of stories,
A composition of songs,
My compliment is you did an incredible job with this poem but you needed like a stanza on the third line through that's what i i'm seeing like it was suppose to be a stanza on the third line
How you could of improve is start checking on your work look what you see that is missing or something before you post your poems cause some people be forgetting there stanzas on there poems a lot
Keep Writing @LizzyTyler!!
~Jay
Hi LizzyTyler,
Mailice here with a quick review!
Your poem turned out very well overall. I like how it sounds when you read it and how well the rhymes correlate with each other. I also like the "simplicity" of the symbolism here and that you can read into it quickly and still walk out with a little shiver.
Two points that particularly caught my eye:
I don't know how far you can stretch "kin" by its meaning, but since it's essentially a negative description of family, you're repeating yourself here with the phrase. I assume you're trying to express that it's relatives who are now uncles, aunts, cousins, etc... but doesn't sound like it in the lines here.
I would maybe try to rewrite it so that it sounds in the line like in the very last line "One I'll never forget" and insert a first person such as, "Were made by family, / People I called kin."
With your last two lines, you're really just repeating the entire second stanza, which seems repetitive. Also, I'm not sure how the "one" in the last line refers to "story", as it generally refers to the many scars in a retrograde way, and to my ears it now sounds like she only has one that she won't forget.
I think that while these lines bring a good ending to the poem, in the context of the complete stanza it is very contrary to the first two lines. It seems like it's not so wild emotionally anymore. (That's how I interpret it.)
For writing the poem in under ten minutes, it turned out really well. I couldn't do that. I especially like how you managed to continuously keep your rhymes (except for the last stanza) and also how, especially in the second stanza, you manage to create a kind of refrain/repetition that adds depth to the scars the narrator has. It's this "A composition of stories, / A composition of songs" that seems so creepy and eerie at this point, almost as if the narrator is already numb from the pain she's in and only sees it as lyrics, loose words and letters that form the scars.
I also like how the whole poem rarely uses more than six syllables, which gives it an interesting feel, and then makes each line seem as short as if it were a cut with a knife. Before you feel anything, it's already moving on.
I think it's already a great poem and at most can still be spruced up by finishing the rhymes at the end.
Have fun writing!
Mailice.
Thank You!
This poem is a really good one. I love how you show that though these scars hurt, and were caused by very unpleasant means, they strengthen us and remind us of memories. This reminds me of a few lines from books and quotes like:
'Scars are the marks of a warrior' (or something like that, I don't remember exactly)
'What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger'
'The stronger the wind, the stronger the trees'
'The hottest fires forge the strongest steel'
And I could go on and on...
Anyway, I just have one thing to correct.
In the third line, first stanza,
'We’re made by family'
I think you meant 'Were' made by family. Maybe I got the meaning wrong, but just check that.
Anyway, the poem is awesome!
Thank you for the review! And you were right, I did mean %u201Cwere%u201D, thank you!
No problem
THIS IS AMAZING!! So imma review it
"These scars on my heart
My soul and my skin,
We’re made by family
And people called kin"
So this gives a lot of background here, which I like very much! It's great. I love how you introduced the scars and how they are invisible due to almost being the faults in your mental health. It's nice and visual however uses a bit of thought to create the picture.
"My scars make me solid,
My scars make me strong,"
I love how you start to build the positivity up in the poem...it makes a great effect and almost recaps your journey through these hard times (if that makes sense!) and the increase in recovery since the scars were formed.
"Through the sting of betrayal,
Through the pain of regret,
Each scar tells a story,
One I’ll never forget."
This stanza has to be my favourite. It proves that you are really telling the story of how these scars and damage was done in the 1st place. It is an awesome bit. It really shows how much the feelings and emotions stay with you, even after the destruction has been over with. You can feel a slightly less panicking version of the scenes and episodes you had to go through. It sticks with you, and you show it in a beautiful way through this piece of great writing.
Have a great day and carry on writing. You have a talent for this! It can take you far in life to simply have good word choice and grammar!
Stay safe,
Love Rubes x
Thank you so much for the review! Your reviews are so kind, and always make me smile! You stay safe too!
Hello there!
I've always enjoyed the imagery of a scarred heart. There's something about it that speaks to my poetic style I guess; it could stand as a metaphor for heartbreak, or it could mean something entirely different. It all depends on the person writing it to see if they show all of the possibilities' true potentials or weakens the power they have.
I wish you'd describe the individual scars a bit more though. A scar on someone's skin wouldn't be any similar to a scar on their soul, and that's not only because of the placement. A scarred soul represents a break in believing, a break in their connection to whatever, while a scarred area of skin doesn't represent those things in the same manner.
I'm not sure if you meant "they're" instead of that because it doesn't exactly work? I like the idea of a poem from the perspective of scars on skin or on the soul or on the heart, but jumping into things without foreshadowing is a bad plan, I think.
The line about "people called kin" also doesn't really make sense to me. The word kin literally means "one's family and relations," so that seems slightly repetitive to me.
Speaking of repetitiveness,
Is there any way for you to describe how the scars make the narrator strong and solid? I don't exactly believe all poetry should show and not tell imagery, but there is a thin line between too much info-dumping and a perfectly fine poem that tells the setting / plot.
I like the description choice of the scars telling some kind of a story, and it makes them feel almost like they were intentionally done. I don't recommend intentionally scarring areas of your body and soul, but it's a nice idea to work a poem around, I believe.
I do feel like I have to second the comment about showing and telling because I commonly find myself wishing for more of that description at times, though.
This repeats the idea I just mentioned, but I do believe it could be done in a neater fashion; the beginning of the poem was about scars and their origins, and this has wrapped around into scars telling stories of the past. That's a good contrast, but it's missing the glue that holds it together via stronger images and a richer setting.
Cheers! <3
Thank you for the review! I appreciate your insights. This is definitely not one of my best, and was made in about 10 minutes. %uD83D%uDE0B
This definitely relates to me and you did an amazing job.
Thank you for the review!