One day
I will rise,
One day
I will be wise-
*
One day
I will be great,
But “one day”
Is too late-
*
‘Cause “one day“
Never came,
But “one day”
Isn’t to blame-
*
‘Cause yesterday
I gave in,
And yesterday
I was forsaken-
*
And this day
I shall walk my own path,
And on this day
I will live in the aftermath-
*
Of my own decisions.
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139,664 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
Reading this poem I felt regret. It shows very well how we delude ourselves that one day we will be big enough to face our troubles, that one day we will have the answers to the issues we deal with today, but as it always turns out that one day doesn't come or at least doesn't come soon enough and we must live with the consequences of our actions. I connected to this one, having messed up so many things in my life, that I would now do differently. This poem reminds me that all we ever have is today, and that we must choose and live with ourselves, just the way we are, even if that means we are not strong enough to face some things.
Thank you for your kind review!
You want to add more metaphor and imagery to this piece. It's very spoken and not poetic. It's already a narrative. Maybe you can make a more complicated story. Use a metaphor or simile. for your life lesson here. Like some action that can be used in the story.
Hey! MapleWay here with a short review!
This was fantastic. I loved the repetition and rhyme you used along with the overall lesson incorporated within the poem. You did such a great job. And it's true. We can't all always go around saying, "Someday I'll do it" "Someday it will happen" Sometimes you just need to rip the bandaid off. And I think you did a phenomenal job showing that in this poem.
Keep up the great work!
- Maple
Thank you for the kind review!
Heya Rubes here with a quick review!
First impressions: WOAW! I love the short length combined with the language, it just all works great. I feel that the short structure could almost represent the short amount of time you have left before you entirely give up...because life tests us to the gun point sometimes...
I like this...it gives the effect of when someone says "one day you will be fine, happy and well". It really explains the hope you hear and appear to feel in real life. The falseness of the words people say to make you feel 'better' when it only makes you feel more guilty.
I feel like this is where it begins to get worse...the feeling that you aren't good enough and that one day you may become greater. Expectations of society and even yourself compared with the damaging reality of both your own and other's views.
Desperation in 2 short lines to say the least. That one day saying seems to be travelling further every minute...why can't it get better now? and not one day...because it is too far away for me to hope for.
God, this bit really hits home for me. The feeling of giving up is just too much to handle, so you upset that it may only deteriorate from here...never get better. The part where you say that 'one day' isn't to blame is touching. As when we feel like this we can only blame ourselves whether we had any effect on the problem or not. It is always me.
I'm guessing this refers to su!c!ide? I totally get what you mean by giving in to the sadness, the lost hope you can no longer gain energy to search for.
No, no, no, no, no...I can tell something is going on through the description of your words. Are you doing alright? I know it may seem like the world is thriving while your heart crumbles a bit more every night. Remember: Your kids will never be born, your soulmate will be left lonely, your mum will be staring into the mirror tears in her eyes, while her heart shatters, your father will be sliding down the walls screaming what did I do over and over, your siblings will be wondering if their teasing is the reason you did what you did, your pets will wonder why you never came home, your friends will all be shouting wishing for you to come home, your blanket will have noone to hug and that teddy you have had since you were little will be left to rot in an empty room of nothing but blood and tears...
Stay safe and please message me if you are struggling, my email is ruby8.sutton@gmail.com. if you need anything
Love Rubes x
PS:
- I love you
- I want you to stay
- ILL STAY ALIVE IF YOU DO
Thank you for the review. I really am fine. I am not suicidal, nor depressed. Apparently, my poems give off the vibe that I am suicidal, but I am not. A really appreciate your support, and hope you help someone get out of a dark place one day.
That last paragraph made me cry. Really, really, thank you for your concern.
I love you, and want you to stay as well.
I want to leave some room for other interpretations but I also wanna give my own thoughts here. By saying first off, this is an excellent poem that is only faltered by it's own undertones. I think we can all agree that sometimes we want to change but find ourselves struggling, and time slips away from us and we don't realize that our life is changing before our eyes. We need to live to our fullest and need to do what WE want to do instead of what everyone else wants us to do. Which is why I am here on this website, because I want to be an author and express my self the same way you are here. There is a sense of vulnerability with posting something like this and for that I can appreciate and understand. So good job and I hope the best for you, even if I read into the poem a little too much.
Thank you for your review. My poems are meant to be interpreted in different ways, by different people, and I appreciate your interpretation.
ey there! Here for a very short review!
This was a great poem. A very simple as well as a well written one. I like how you have repeated the phrase 'one day'. It's commendable how you have used the rhyming scheme. It's sometimes really hard to maintain rhyme in a simple poem but you have succeeded in doing that in a pretty decent way. Only in the fourh stanza, te rhyming scheme is not there. Forsaken and in are not matching. Maybe replace the 4th line like something as 'I was left therein' or maybe something better. Also, the last stanza seems deserted with only a single line. Maybe modify the last line of the previous stanza and make it ' I will live in my own decisions' aftermath.
Ah I like the theme of the poem. As long as I can interpret it(I am very bad at interpreting poems), the themes are: Procastination, decision can never be changed once taken, Regret of past and dreaming of future without actions. The tense was great, at least as it sounded to me. I liked how you began in future tense saying your hopes for the future and then you shift to past tense saying that those were unfulfilled hopes of yours in the past. Then u say as you yesterday surrendered, you have to carry on the result of it.
Overall, it was a great poem. Keep writing!
Stay happy and stay safe.
~Forever.
Thank you for the kind review!